OT: Paying Kids For Grades in HS

[sdduuuude]

My favorite topic but I’m late to the party.
Lots of good thoughts in there.

I have no issues with the idea of paying for grades, but I’m not sure it is going to work.

If you have a kid who has been given allowance his whole life and makes his own decisions about money and understands the value of money (i.e. he isn’t coming to mom and dad every time he needs something), then it might work, but I’d be surprised if such a kid had trouble with grades anyway.

If you have a kid who isn’t used to handling his own money and he has to ask his parents to buy them things, then the pay-for-grades concept isn’t going to work because they will have no clue what $1000 means.

I say give him a chance to succeed on his own first, without the incentive. If he is struggling, try to understand why and react accordingly. I think it is better for him to get self-motivated A’s and B’s than cash-motivated A’s only.

I’d suggest not paying for grades the first year. See how the grades are to start with. Maybe he’ll be a scholastic star and you will have more concerns about his social skills. In that case, Temecula’s idea of giving rewards that are based on socializing is especially good.

For the first year of HS, avoid buying stuff other than food and basic clothes for him, give an allowance based on housework and see what he spends the money on. Once you give your kids the freedom to buy stuff with their own money, you learn quickly what they love (maybe ant farms ?) and then you either can use those things as incentive, or additional money.

Commincation by you to understand what motivates him is the key. Sounds like you don’t really know, which is OK, but taking time to find out will serve you better than assuming cash will do the trick.

[meadandale]

@davelj

Agree wholeheartedly on all points. Paying for grades teaches the WRONG lesson and is an intellectually lazy way to coerce your children to take their education seriously…one that rarely has the desired outcome.

Love of learning and curiosity should be their own reward. THAT’s what you should be spending your energy on and you don’t even have to open your wallet. Take your kids to the library. Take your kids to a museum. Get involved in their school work with them.

Paying children to pay attention in school only ensures that they will expect some kind of reward throughout their lives for trivial things. This is NOT like the real world. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of managing people like this..lazy and unmotivated.

This is yet another example of the crap I see parents doing now that would never have happened when I was in school and is resulting in a generation of lazy kids with an entitlement mentality.

[meadandale]

@davelj

Agree wholeheartedly on all points. Paying for grades teaches the WRONG lesson and is an intellectually lazy way to coerce your children to take their education seriously…one that rarely has the desired outcome.

Love of learning and curiosity should be their own reward. THAT’s what you should be spending your energy on and you don’t even have to open your wallet. Take your kids to the library. Take your kids to a museum. Get involved in their school work with them.

Paying children to pay attention in school only ensures that they will expect some kind of reward throughout their lives for trivial things. This is NOT like the real world. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of managing people like this..lazy and unmotivated.

This is yet another example of the crap I see parents doing now that would never have happened when I was in school and is resulting in a generation of lazy kids with an entitlement mentality.

[meadandale]

@davelj

Agree wholeheartedly on all points. Paying for grades teaches the WRONG lesson and is an intellectually lazy way to coerce your children to take their education seriously…one that rarely has the desired outcome.

Love of learning and curiosity should be their own reward. THAT’s what you should be spending your energy on and you don’t even have to open your wallet. Take your kids to the library. Take your kids to a museum. Get involved in their school work with them.

Paying children to pay attention in school only ensures that they will expect some kind of reward throughout their lives for trivial things. This is NOT like the real world. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of managing people like this..lazy and unmotivated.

This is yet another example of the crap I see parents doing now that would never have happened when I was in school and is resulting in a generation of lazy kids with an entitlement mentality.

[meadandale]

@davelj

Agree wholeheartedly on all points. Paying for grades teaches the WRONG lesson and is an intellectually lazy way to coerce your children to take their education seriously…one that rarely has the desired outcome.

Love of learning and curiosity should be their own reward. THAT’s what you should be spending your energy on and you don’t even have to open your wallet. Take your kids to the library. Take your kids to a museum. Get involved in their school work with them.

Paying children to pay attention in school only ensures that they will expect some kind of reward throughout their lives for trivial things. This is NOT like the real world. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of managing people like this..lazy and unmotivated.

This is yet another example of the crap I see parents doing now that would never have happened when I was in school and is resulting in a generation of lazy kids with an entitlement mentality.

[meadandale]

@davelj

Agree wholeheartedly on all points. Paying for grades teaches the WRONG lesson and is an intellectually lazy way to coerce your children to take their education seriously…one that rarely has the desired outcome.

Love of learning and curiosity should be their own reward. THAT’s what you should be spending your energy on and you don’t even have to open your wallet. Take your kids to the library. Take your kids to a museum. Get involved in their school work with them.

Paying children to pay attention in school only ensures that they will expect some kind of reward throughout their lives for trivial things. This is NOT like the real world. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of managing people like this..lazy and unmotivated.

This is yet another example of the crap I see parents doing now that would never have happened when I was in school and is resulting in a generation of lazy kids with an entitlement mentality.

[creechrr]

Scaredycat,

Is your son’s father/male figures (uncles/family friend, etc.) engaged in his life? Yes, I’m assuming your female.

I was raised by a single mother. She was busy putting food on the table so, activities were not on the priority list. I had many interstes that went unnurtured as a result. Without some sort of outside interests and some guidance to how all that “stuff” we’re suppose to learn in school fits into the big picture it’s just “stuff”. Sometimes that the correlation needs to be explained. And, I don’t mean just a verbal diatribe about how paying attention is going to pay off in the future.

I was primarily a B/C student in school. Not because I didn’t comprehend the material but, because I was bored with it. Whenever, anyone took the time to pay attention to my grades they always had a WTF moment. It was pretty clear what subjects interested me and which were pure boredom.

I would suggest trying to determine what his interests are if any and nuturing them. Have you asked him if he has any interst in going to college? Possible major?

I’d also be concerned with his lack of friends. What’s the root cause of this? May not be an issue or it could be a sign of something.

As I grow older and hopefully wiser, there are a few things that I have noticed. A good portion of the people that should be “happy” based on what our society seems to think happiness is are pretty miserable. The flip side to that, most of the genuinely happy people that I have met don’t have a large monetary wealth, degress from fancy schools, or any of the things that we tend to associate with success.

My son in only two but, I’m already wrestling with what our approach is going to be with his education. We’re looking at the cost of private school vs. the glorious PUSD. I always wanted to be an engineer so I’m constantly buying him blocks and tools. So far, he really likes music and artistic type stuff. So, piano lesson may be in order. I weep inside.

At the end of the day I really think it all comes down to him. What will he want out of life and what will make him happy.

I think most parents really want their children to be happy. Then, there are those that are using their children’s lives as an extention of their own. Another topic entirely.

[creechrr]

Scaredycat,

Is your son’s father/male figures (uncles/family friend, etc.) engaged in his life? Yes, I’m assuming your female.

I was raised by a single mother. She was busy putting food on the table so, activities were not on the priority list. I had many interstes that went unnurtured as a result. Without some sort of outside interests and some guidance to how all that “stuff” we’re suppose to learn in school fits into the big picture it’s just “stuff”. Sometimes that the correlation needs to be explained. And, I don’t mean just a verbal diatribe about how paying attention is going to pay off in the future.

I was primarily a B/C student in school. Not because I didn’t comprehend the material but, because I was bored with it. Whenever, anyone took the time to pay attention to my grades they always had a WTF moment. It was pretty clear what subjects interested me and which were pure boredom.

I would suggest trying to determine what his interests are if any and nuturing them. Have you asked him if he has any interst in going to college? Possible major?

I’d also be concerned with his lack of friends. What’s the root cause of this? May not be an issue or it could be a sign of something.

As I grow older and hopefully wiser, there are a few things that I have noticed. A good portion of the people that should be “happy” based on what our society seems to think happiness is are pretty miserable. The flip side to that, most of the genuinely happy people that I have met don’t have a large monetary wealth, degress from fancy schools, or any of the things that we tend to associate with success.

My son in only two but, I’m already wrestling with what our approach is going to be with his education. We’re looking at the cost of private school vs. the glorious PUSD. I always wanted to be an engineer so I’m constantly buying him blocks and tools. So far, he really likes music and artistic type stuff. So, piano lesson may be in order. I weep inside.

At the end of the day I really think it all comes down to him. What will he want out of life and what will make him happy.

I think most parents really want their children to be happy. Then, there are those that are using their children’s lives as an extention of their own. Another topic entirely.

[creechrr]

Scaredycat,

Is your son’s father/male figures (uncles/family friend, etc.) engaged in his life? Yes, I’m assuming your female.

I was raised by a single mother. She was busy putting food on the table so, activities were not on the priority list. I had many interstes that went unnurtured as a result. Without some sort of outside interests and some guidance to how all that “stuff” we’re suppose to learn in school fits into the big picture it’s just “stuff”. Sometimes that the correlation needs to be explained. And, I don’t mean just a verbal diatribe about how paying attention is going to pay off in the future.

I was primarily a B/C student in school. Not because I didn’t comprehend the material but, because I was bored with it. Whenever, anyone took the time to pay attention to my grades they always had a WTF moment. It was pretty clear what subjects interested me and which were pure boredom.

I would suggest trying to determine what his interests are if any and nuturing them. Have you asked him if he has any interst in going to college? Possible major?

I’d also be concerned with his lack of friends. What’s the root cause of this? May not be an issue or it could be a sign of something.

As I grow older and hopefully wiser, there are a few things that I have noticed. A good portion of the people that should be “happy” based on what our society seems to think happiness is are pretty miserable. The flip side to that, most of the genuinely happy people that I have met don’t have a large monetary wealth, degress from fancy schools, or any of the things that we tend to associate with success.

My son in only two but, I’m already wrestling with what our approach is going to be with his education. We’re looking at the cost of private school vs. the glorious PUSD. I always wanted to be an engineer so I’m constantly buying him blocks and tools. So far, he really likes music and artistic type stuff. So, piano lesson may be in order. I weep inside.

At the end of the day I really think it all comes down to him. What will he want out of life and what will make him happy.

I think most parents really want their children to be happy. Then, there are those that are using their children’s lives as an extention of their own. Another topic entirely.

[creechrr]

Scaredycat,

Is your son’s father/male figures (uncles/family friend, etc.) engaged in his life? Yes, I’m assuming your female.

I was raised by a single mother. She was busy putting food on the table so, activities were not on the priority list. I had many interstes that went unnurtured as a result. Without some sort of outside interests and some guidance to how all that “stuff” we’re suppose to learn in school fits into the big picture it’s just “stuff”. Sometimes that the correlation needs to be explained. And, I don’t mean just a verbal diatribe about how paying attention is going to pay off in the future.

I was primarily a B/C student in school. Not because I didn’t comprehend the material but, because I was bored with it. Whenever, anyone took the time to pay attention to my grades they always had a WTF moment. It was pretty clear what subjects interested me and which were pure boredom.

I would suggest trying to determine what his interests are if any and nuturing them. Have you asked him if he has any interst in going to college? Possible major?

I’d also be concerned with his lack of friends. What’s the root cause of this? May not be an issue or it could be a sign of something.

As I grow older and hopefully wiser, there are a few things that I have noticed. A good portion of the people that should be “happy” based on what our society seems to think happiness is are pretty miserable. The flip side to that, most of the genuinely happy people that I have met don’t have a large monetary wealth, degress from fancy schools, or any of the things that we tend to associate with success.

My son in only two but, I’m already wrestling with what our approach is going to be with his education. We’re looking at the cost of private school vs. the glorious PUSD. I always wanted to be an engineer so I’m constantly buying him blocks and tools. So far, he really likes music and artistic type stuff. So, piano lesson may be in order. I weep inside.

At the end of the day I really think it all comes down to him. What will he want out of life and what will make him happy.

I think most parents really want their children to be happy. Then, there are those that are using their children’s lives as an extention of their own. Another topic entirely.

[creechrr]

Scaredycat,

Is your son’s father/male figures (uncles/family friend, etc.) engaged in his life? Yes, I’m assuming your female.

I was raised by a single mother. She was busy putting food on the table so, activities were not on the priority list. I had many interstes that went unnurtured as a result. Without some sort of outside interests and some guidance to how all that “stuff” we’re suppose to learn in school fits into the big picture it’s just “stuff”. Sometimes that the correlation needs to be explained. And, I don’t mean just a verbal diatribe about how paying attention is going to pay off in the future.

I was primarily a B/C student in school. Not because I didn’t comprehend the material but, because I was bored with it. Whenever, anyone took the time to pay attention to my grades they always had a WTF moment. It was pretty clear what subjects interested me and which were pure boredom.

I would suggest trying to determine what his interests are if any and nuturing them. Have you asked him if he has any interst in going to college? Possible major?

I’d also be concerned with his lack of friends. What’s the root cause of this? May not be an issue or it could be a sign of something.

As I grow older and hopefully wiser, there are a few things that I have noticed. A good portion of the people that should be “happy” based on what our society seems to think happiness is are pretty miserable. The flip side to that, most of the genuinely happy people that I have met don’t have a large monetary wealth, degress from fancy schools, or any of the things that we tend to associate with success.

My son in only two but, I’m already wrestling with what our approach is going to be with his education. We’re looking at the cost of private school vs. the glorious PUSD. I always wanted to be an engineer so I’m constantly buying him blocks and tools. So far, he really likes music and artistic type stuff. So, piano lesson may be in order. I weep inside.

At the end of the day I really think it all comes down to him. What will he want out of life and what will make him happy.

I think most parents really want their children to be happy. Then, there are those that are using their children’s lives as an extention of their own. Another topic entirely.

[creechrr]

[quote=meadandale]@davelj

Love of learning and curiosity should be their own reward. THAT’s what you should be spending your energy on and you don’t even have to open your wallet. Take your kids to the library. Take your kids to a museum. Get involved in their school work with them.

[/quote]

Bingo!

[creechrr]

[quote=meadandale]@davelj

Love of learning and curiosity should be their own reward. THAT’s what you should be spending your energy on and you don’t even have to open your wallet. Take your kids to the library. Take your kids to a museum. Get involved in their school work with them.

[/quote]

Bingo!

[creechrr]

[quote=meadandale]@davelj

Love of learning and curiosity should be their own reward. THAT’s what you should be spending your energy on and you don’t even have to open your wallet. Take your kids to the library. Take your kids to a museum. Get involved in their school work with them.

[/quote]

Bingo!

[creechrr]

[quote=meadandale]@davelj

Love of learning and curiosity should be their own reward. THAT’s what you should be spending your energy on and you don’t even have to open your wallet. Take your kids to the library. Take your kids to a museum. Get involved in their school work with them.

[/quote]

Bingo!

[Author]

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