OT: How much baggage will you accept?

[CA renter]

[quote=Blogstar]How does this work out in real life CAR, does your husband pay you? Does he know how and taking a shirt to the cleaners or how much sex costs? Are you putting the money in a separate savings account. If not what’s the point in worrying about it?[/quote]

It’s not so much about me, personally, as it is about family and divorce law, in general. The feminists are trying to paint a picture of SAHPs as parasites who deserve nothing in return for their services. They are actively undermining the protections for SAHPs that many have worked so hard for over the years. Feminists like BG will do everything in their power to prevent people from having any choice at all. They have a very specific agenda, and they will stop at nothing in order to see it though. They believe there is only one way to raise a family (if one should even have a family) — their way is the only way they see fit to “parent.” They don’t care how many lives are destroyed in the process. That’s what I have a problem with.

And, yes, he pays me in the form of financial security. We both acknowledge the value of each other’s contributions. Neither one of us questions the fact that a transaction is being made where work and money are concerned, and we both feel that we are getting a good deal — he’ll be the first to tell you this.

[NotCranky]

What control does any outside party have over what a sahm gets for her services? When would it ever make a difference what you think your work and sex are worth monetarily? How could anyone possibly destroy what you are doing with any agenda? This all sounds paranoid and weird. The whole thing looks like it’s based in some insecurity about justifying your existence.

I know a few stay at home moms and I can’t think of one who would be want to be caught dead talking like you do. Do you have friends who are all into sharing these ideas?

[CA renter]

[quote=Blogstar]What control does any outside party have over what a sahm gets for her services? When would it ever make a difference what you think your work and sex are worth monetarily? How could anyone possibly destroy what you are doing with any agenda? This all sounds paranoid and weird. The whole thing looks like it’s based in some insecurity about justifying your existence.

I know a few stay at home moms and I can’t think of one who would be want to be caught dead talking like you do. Do you have friends who are all into sharing these ideas?[/quote]

Like I’ve said, Russ, I’ve spent years studying family formation trends and their economic effects on families and society. I don’t get my opinions from friends, I get them as a result of doing a lot of research. That’s why I know about Warren Farrell and Ann Crittenden, among many others who research and write about these topics.

It’s also why we have a nuptial agreement that puts some of these protections back in place. It explicitly talks about the value of the SAH spouse’s contributions.

But a lot of parents aren’t even aware of these threats. I’m willing to bet that those SAHP friends of yours are in this category. Check out the thread where the woman was asking about moving here from NJ (IIRC) and how shocked she was when BG informed her of some of the custody and other issues she might have to face if she moved to CA and subsequently got divorced.

So, how do these people affect what SAHPs get for their services? They actively work to change laws that were put in place to protect SAHPs — alimony, child support/custody, community property, no-fault divorce, etc. They have been chipping away at these protections for years. There is no paranoia on my part, but there is a lot of ignorance on your part, Russ.

[NotCranky]

[quote=CA renter][quote=Blogstar]What control does any outside party have over what a sahm gets for her services? When would it ever make a difference what you think your work and sex are worth monetarily? How could anyone possibly destroy what you are doing with any agenda? This all sounds paranoid and weird. The whole thing looks like it’s based in some insecurity about justifying your existence.

I know a few stay at home moms and I can’t think of one who would be want to be caught dead talking like you do. Do you have friends who are all into sharing these ideas?[/quote]

Like I’ve said, Russ, I’ve spent years studying family formation trends and their economic effects on families and society. I don’t get my opinions from friends, I get them as a result of doing a lot of research. That’s why I know about Warren Farrell and Ann Crittenden, among many others who research and write about these topics.

How do these people affect what SAHPs get for their services? They actively work to change laws that were put in place to protect SAHPs — alimony, child support/custody, community property, etc. They have been chipping away at these protections for years. There is no paranoia on my part, but there is a lot of ignorance on your part, Russ.[/quote]

That’s the way it looks to me.
Are your views even in anyone else’s ballpark?

[CA renter]

[quote=Blogstar][quote=CA renter][quote=Blogstar]What control does any outside party have over what a sahm gets for her services? When would it ever make a difference what you think your work and sex are worth monetarily? How could anyone possibly destroy what you are doing with any agenda? This all sounds paranoid and weird. The whole thing looks like it’s based in some insecurity about justifying your existence.

I know a few stay at home moms and I can’t think of one who would be want to be caught dead talking like you do. Do you have friends who are all into sharing these ideas?[/quote]

Like I’ve said, Russ, I’ve spent years studying family formation trends and their economic effects on families and society. I don’t get my opinions from friends, I get them as a result of doing a lot of research. That’s why I know about Warren Farrell and Ann Crittenden, among many others who research and write about these topics.

How do these people affect what SAHPs get for their services? They actively work to change laws that were put in place to protect SAHPs — alimony, child support/custody, community property, etc. They have been chipping away at these protections for years. There is no paranoia on my part, but there is a lot of ignorance on your part, Russ.[/quote]

That’s the way it looks to me.
Are your views even in anyone else’s ballpark?[/quote]

Very few people do the amount of research that I do. I’m almost OCD about researching things. Most people blithely make their way though life, totally unaware of any possible threats until it’s too late.

(Also added some more to my post that you’ve quoted.)

[CA renter]

dup

[CA renter]

I had added this:

[quote=CA renter]

It’s also why we have a nuptial agreement that puts some of these protections back in place. It explicitly talks about the value of the SAH spouse’s contributions.

But a lot of parents aren’t even aware of these threats. I’m willing to bet that those SAHP friends of yours are in this category. Check out the thread where the woman was asking about moving here from NJ (IIRC) and how shocked she was when BG informed her of some of the custody and other issues she might have to face if she moved to CA and subsequently got divorced.

[/quote]

[CA renter]

Oh, yes, other people are most certainly involved in trying to halt the attacks on SAHPs, Crittenden is one of them.

Too few people are willing/able to look into these things before it’s too late, which is why so few even know about it. That would mean that they’d have to actually consider what might happen to them many years down the road if things should go wrong. Very few people plan that far ahead, and many refuse to consider the fact that things might go wrong at a later date, especially if everything is hunky-dory at the moment. Doesn’t fit the fairytale, so it’s not mainstream knowledge.

[FlyerInHi]

Another way to look at this is on a happiness/satisfaction index.

Are you happier being a SAHP? If yes, then there’s no sacrifice.

If no, then why are you not out in the workforce?

[CA renter]

[quote=FlyerInHi]Another way to look at this is on a happiness/satisfaction index.

Are you happier being a SAHP? If yes, then there’s no sacrifice.

If no, then why are you not out in the workforce?[/quote]

Okay, there are many people who would prefer to work outside of the home rather than stay home with the kids — including many mothers. Are they making sacrifices for the family if they are the primary/sole wage earner?

[CA renter]

[quote=CA renter][quote=Blogstar][quote=CA renter][quote=Blogstar]What control does any outside party have over what a sahm gets for her services? When would it ever make a difference what you think your work and sex are worth monetarily? How could anyone possibly destroy what you are doing with any agenda? This all sounds paranoid and weird. The whole thing looks like it’s based in some insecurity about justifying your existence.

I know a few stay at home moms and I can’t think of one who would be want to be caught dead talking like you do. Do you have friends who are all into sharing these ideas?[/quote]

Like I’ve said, Russ, I’ve spent years studying family formation trends and their economic effects on families and society. I don’t get my opinions from friends, I get them as a result of doing a lot of research. That’s why I know about Warren Farrell and Ann Crittenden, among many others who research and write about these topics.

How do these people affect what SAHPs get for their services? They actively work to change laws that were put in place to protect SAHPs — alimony, child support/custody, community property, etc. They have been chipping away at these protections for years. There is no paranoia on my part, but there is a lot of ignorance on your part, Russ.[/quote]

That’s the way it looks to me.
Are your views even in anyone else’s ballpark?[/quote]

Very few people do the amount of research that I do. I’m almost OCD about researching things. Therefore, many of my views are not in most people’s ballpark. Most people blithely make their way though life, totally unaware of any possible threats until it’s too late.

(Also added some more to my post that you’ve quoted.)[/quote]

[CA renter]

Sorry about the dup. Not sure how that happened.

[CA renter]

[quote=CA renter][quote=FlyerInHi]Another way to look at this is on a happiness/satisfaction index.

Are you happier being a SAHP? If yes, then there’s no sacrifice.

If no, then why are you not out in the workforce?[/quote]

Okay, there are many people who would prefer to work outside of the home rather than stay home with the kids — including many mothers. Are they making sacrifices for the family if they are the primary/sole wage earner?[/quote]

If both people are satisfied with their lot, and there are no sacrifices made by either party, then it would seem to be an equitable transaction. But I think that what many people are missing is that the vast majority of SAHPs believe that there is a lifelong commitment on the part of both spouses. My guess is that a lot of wage-earning parents don’t understand this.

[UCGal]

[quote=CA renter]The feminists are trying to paint a picture of SAHPs as parasites who deserve nothing in return for their services. They are actively undermining the protections for SAHPs that many have worked so hard for over the years. [/quote]

Examples please.
Show that there is a feminist agenda to paint a picture of SAHPs as parasites. I’ve seen the exact opposite from groups I consider feminist. (Women’s professional societies, NOW, Ms Magazine, etc.)

And you still don’t get my point that working parents are still contributing to the household in a non-financially compensated way during non-work hours – you don’t get to claim the 24/7 hours for SAHP and not allow working parents to claim the off-hours as well. This refusal to see this point is incredibly frustrating.

Here- maybe this will make you feel better.
CAR – you are a wonderful parent, wife, homemaker, and you are worth billions of dollars to your family!!!! Far more than any other mother anywhere.

[NotCranky]

You are entitled to play out the war between men and women with your husband in your own particular way, I see some of your concerns as valid. Take away the little slip into being judgemental and BG is doing great, She has great periphereal vision on the topic compared to your bubble.

If you were not exaggerating, male bashing and selling sex it might be easier to
see it differently too.

[Author]

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