OT – Feelings of Melancholy, Life Plans Going Forward

[dbapig]

Wow,
Thanks cabal for sharing honestly. And thanks to others for commenting civilly and with genuine intent to help…

I just wanted to add that even though you feel like your life is not going well (and I don’t mean to dismiss that), hearing all the things you listed I really believe you’ve lived a BLESSED life.

And it’s a blessing that you’ve had the time and inclination to think about life as you have. MANY do not even think about their life and the meaning of life. One should always pause and think about life. What does all this mean? If everyone did think about life, our world would be a far better place.

I always chuckle when I hear people talk scornfully about how boring 9-5 office job is. I think about my dad who never held a 9-5 office job. It wasn’t because he was lazy. He worked hard. He just didn’t get a chance to get a college degree where he grew up so his horizon and options in life were limited to physical labor. But I digress.

There are many many people in this world (we don’t even have to cross the border to Mexico, just look at people living a few miles from where you live) who would give anything to have the kind of security in life (well earned I’m sure) that you seem to enjoy.

Few concrete suggestions
-Kids: I think kids are trying to figure out life. To get to know them, go on a road trip with kids. Just ban ear phones while in the car. Don’t let them sleep but designate one child at a time to stay awake and HELP you stay awake by conversing (that will surely scare them into talking to you 🙂 ). I’ve had many deep conversations with fellow occupants on a long road trip. Seems like that’s the only chance for ‘conversations’ these days. Don’t try to teach or anything but just converse. What do you like? Why? What’s your earliest memory about something or somewhere when young?

-Feeling good: Try to help someone in need with hands on tasks. I mean people who are really in need and given up hope. Not talking about donating money but where you get down and dirty. This isn’t to feel good about yourself but to know that you are BLESSED. Being in the position to help others in need really helps you realize that you ought to be grateful.

There are millions and billions of HUMAN beings whose life is barely above that of a mere animal (animal rights people back off). Well actually many of them are stuck with life that’s even worse than that of animals.

You are blessed.

You live in CA (I mean it).
You have a family.
You have a job.
etc.

[blahblahblah]

Our system is designed to make people feel worthless and hopeless. Worthless, hopeless people buy drugs and useless objects in an effort to try and feel better. Our system makes lots of money selling drugs (legal and illegal) and useless objects to these people. The more of these kinds of people exist, the more money the system makes. The key to this is isolation through TV, internet/facebook, long work hours indoors under creepy flourescent lighting, suburban living, poor food quality, etc… And of course engendering selfishness through advertising and the idea that “you deserve it.” Humans are social animals and don’t do well in isolation. Your family group may not be large enough to fulfill your innate social needs. When we age it is easy to lose touch with friends as they move away to take jobs that pay better so that they can buy more things or bigger houses.

The good news is that you don’t have to participate. Reconnect with any friends you have lost contact with and make a solid effort to be more connected. Find a yoga group that you like and commit to going. It is not just mental, it can do wonders to improve your physical well being. Focus less on object-oriented or self-oriented goals (buying things, learning a skill) and more on group-oriented goals (joining a club or church, volunteering, etc…) Direct your focus outwards, not inwards. Depression is sometimes just extreme self-centeredness.

I went through similar feelings a few years ago. I took a trip by myself to a very poor country and spent a few weeks there. I felt a lot better when I got back and my outlook on life was much improved. While there I made a real effort to connect with both other travelers as well as the people who lived there. I realized that I had been living a very self-centered life prior to the trip and had frequently been a bit of an ass. I still might be, but at least now I think I am more aware of this.

Good luck!

[blahblahblah]

Our system is designed to make people feel worthless and hopeless. Worthless, hopeless people buy drugs and useless objects in an effort to try and feel better. Our system makes lots of money selling drugs (legal and illegal) and useless objects to these people. The more of these kinds of people exist, the more money the system makes. The key to this is isolation through TV, internet/facebook, long work hours indoors under creepy flourescent lighting, suburban living, poor food quality, etc… And of course engendering selfishness through advertising and the idea that “you deserve it.” Humans are social animals and don’t do well in isolation. Your family group may not be large enough to fulfill your innate social needs. When we age it is easy to lose touch with friends as they move away to take jobs that pay better so that they can buy more things or bigger houses.

The good news is that you don’t have to participate. Reconnect with any friends you have lost contact with and make a solid effort to be more connected. Find a yoga group that you like and commit to going. It is not just mental, it can do wonders to improve your physical well being. Focus less on object-oriented or self-oriented goals (buying things, learning a skill) and more on group-oriented goals (joining a club or church, volunteering, etc…) Direct your focus outwards, not inwards. Depression is sometimes just extreme self-centeredness.

I went through similar feelings a few years ago. I took a trip by myself to a very poor country and spent a few weeks there. I felt a lot better when I got back and my outlook on life was much improved. While there I made a real effort to connect with both other travelers as well as the people who lived there. I realized that I had been living a very self-centered life prior to the trip and had frequently been a bit of an ass. I still might be, but at least now I think I am more aware of this.

Good luck!

[blahblahblah]

Our system is designed to make people feel worthless and hopeless. Worthless, hopeless people buy drugs and useless objects in an effort to try and feel better. Our system makes lots of money selling drugs (legal and illegal) and useless objects to these people. The more of these kinds of people exist, the more money the system makes. The key to this is isolation through TV, internet/facebook, long work hours indoors under creepy flourescent lighting, suburban living, poor food quality, etc… And of course engendering selfishness through advertising and the idea that “you deserve it.” Humans are social animals and don’t do well in isolation. Your family group may not be large enough to fulfill your innate social needs. When we age it is easy to lose touch with friends as they move away to take jobs that pay better so that they can buy more things or bigger houses.

The good news is that you don’t have to participate. Reconnect with any friends you have lost contact with and make a solid effort to be more connected. Find a yoga group that you like and commit to going. It is not just mental, it can do wonders to improve your physical well being. Focus less on object-oriented or self-oriented goals (buying things, learning a skill) and more on group-oriented goals (joining a club or church, volunteering, etc…) Direct your focus outwards, not inwards. Depression is sometimes just extreme self-centeredness.

I went through similar feelings a few years ago. I took a trip by myself to a very poor country and spent a few weeks there. I felt a lot better when I got back and my outlook on life was much improved. While there I made a real effort to connect with both other travelers as well as the people who lived there. I realized that I had been living a very self-centered life prior to the trip and had frequently been a bit of an ass. I still might be, but at least now I think I am more aware of this.

Good luck!

[blahblahblah]

Our system is designed to make people feel worthless and hopeless. Worthless, hopeless people buy drugs and useless objects in an effort to try and feel better. Our system makes lots of money selling drugs (legal and illegal) and useless objects to these people. The more of these kinds of people exist, the more money the system makes. The key to this is isolation through TV, internet/facebook, long work hours indoors under creepy flourescent lighting, suburban living, poor food quality, etc… And of course engendering selfishness through advertising and the idea that “you deserve it.” Humans are social animals and don’t do well in isolation. Your family group may not be large enough to fulfill your innate social needs. When we age it is easy to lose touch with friends as they move away to take jobs that pay better so that they can buy more things or bigger houses.

The good news is that you don’t have to participate. Reconnect with any friends you have lost contact with and make a solid effort to be more connected. Find a yoga group that you like and commit to going. It is not just mental, it can do wonders to improve your physical well being. Focus less on object-oriented or self-oriented goals (buying things, learning a skill) and more on group-oriented goals (joining a club or church, volunteering, etc…) Direct your focus outwards, not inwards. Depression is sometimes just extreme self-centeredness.

I went through similar feelings a few years ago. I took a trip by myself to a very poor country and spent a few weeks there. I felt a lot better when I got back and my outlook on life was much improved. While there I made a real effort to connect with both other travelers as well as the people who lived there. I realized that I had been living a very self-centered life prior to the trip and had frequently been a bit of an ass. I still might be, but at least now I think I am more aware of this.

Good luck!

[blahblahblah]

Our system is designed to make people feel worthless and hopeless. Worthless, hopeless people buy drugs and useless objects in an effort to try and feel better. Our system makes lots of money selling drugs (legal and illegal) and useless objects to these people. The more of these kinds of people exist, the more money the system makes. The key to this is isolation through TV, internet/facebook, long work hours indoors under creepy flourescent lighting, suburban living, poor food quality, etc… And of course engendering selfishness through advertising and the idea that “you deserve it.” Humans are social animals and don’t do well in isolation. Your family group may not be large enough to fulfill your innate social needs. When we age it is easy to lose touch with friends as they move away to take jobs that pay better so that they can buy more things or bigger houses.

The good news is that you don’t have to participate. Reconnect with any friends you have lost contact with and make a solid effort to be more connected. Find a yoga group that you like and commit to going. It is not just mental, it can do wonders to improve your physical well being. Focus less on object-oriented or self-oriented goals (buying things, learning a skill) and more on group-oriented goals (joining a club or church, volunteering, etc…) Direct your focus outwards, not inwards. Depression is sometimes just extreme self-centeredness.

I went through similar feelings a few years ago. I took a trip by myself to a very poor country and spent a few weeks there. I felt a lot better when I got back and my outlook on life was much improved. While there I made a real effort to connect with both other travelers as well as the people who lived there. I realized that I had been living a very self-centered life prior to the trip and had frequently been a bit of an ass. I still might be, but at least now I think I am more aware of this.

Good luck!

[XBoxBoy]

For what it’s worth.

Children – One of the toughest aspects of being a parent is that children grow up and grow away. This is normal and healthy. I highly recommend that you take pride in your children, support them in their endeavors when asked, but don’t try to make them closer than they want. It is natural, instinctive and healthy for them to pull away. Let this process happen, even if it’s not what you want.

[XBoxBoy]

For what it’s worth.

Children – One of the toughest aspects of being a parent is that children grow up and grow away. This is normal and healthy. I highly recommend that you take pride in your children, support them in their endeavors when asked, but don’t try to make them closer than they want. It is natural, instinctive and healthy for them to pull away. Let this process happen, even if it’s not what you want.

[XBoxBoy]

For what it’s worth.

Children – One of the toughest aspects of being a parent is that children grow up and grow away. This is normal and healthy. I highly recommend that you take pride in your children, support them in their endeavors when asked, but don’t try to make them closer than they want. It is natural, instinctive and healthy for them to pull away. Let this process happen, even if it’s not what you want.

[XBoxBoy]

For what it’s worth.

Children – One of the toughest aspects of being a parent is that children grow up and grow away. This is normal and healthy. I highly recommend that you take pride in your children, support them in their endeavors when asked, but don’t try to make them closer than they want. It is natural, instinctive and healthy for them to pull away. Let this process happen, even if it’s not what you want.

[XBoxBoy]

For what it’s worth.

Children – One of the toughest aspects of being a parent is that children grow up and grow away. This is normal and healthy. I highly recommend that you take pride in your children, support them in their endeavors when asked, but don’t try to make them closer than they want. It is natural, instinctive and healthy for them to pull away. Let this process happen, even if it’s not what you want.

[bearishgurl]

[quote=citydweller]One of the biggest changes in my thinking that has brought me peace of mind is the realization that it is not my job to ensure that others are happy. Nor is it my job to impart my “wisdom” to others on how to live their lives (yes, I do see the irony considering that I am now trying to impart my so-called wisdom to you). I cannot over emphasize what a feeling of relief it was to no longer feel that it was my responsibility to “fix” everyone else.

Just relax and realize that life is really quite simple. All you have to do is show up. You do not need to impress anyone (even yourself). If you are breathing you are living, it doesn’t get any more simple than that.[/quote]

Well put, citydweller. I have a co-dependent streak which I have to fight off. It took me a long while to realize that other adults need to go down whatever road they must, BY THEMSELVES, to figure out how to proceed with a problem. There’s really no need for “bearishgurl, the coach” or “Cabal, the go-to person” to be constantly in the background picking up the pieces.

This applies to a lesser extent to teenagers and those 18-30 year olds who already “know it all.” But we need to be there for them if/when they seek our counsel.

Exc. advice.

[bearishgurl]

[quote=citydweller]One of the biggest changes in my thinking that has brought me peace of mind is the realization that it is not my job to ensure that others are happy. Nor is it my job to impart my “wisdom” to others on how to live their lives (yes, I do see the irony considering that I am now trying to impart my so-called wisdom to you). I cannot over emphasize what a feeling of relief it was to no longer feel that it was my responsibility to “fix” everyone else.

Just relax and realize that life is really quite simple. All you have to do is show up. You do not need to impress anyone (even yourself). If you are breathing you are living, it doesn’t get any more simple than that.[/quote]

Well put, citydweller. I have a co-dependent streak which I have to fight off. It took me a long while to realize that other adults need to go down whatever road they must, BY THEMSELVES, to figure out how to proceed with a problem. There’s really no need for “bearishgurl, the coach” or “Cabal, the go-to person” to be constantly in the background picking up the pieces.

This applies to a lesser extent to teenagers and those 18-30 year olds who already “know it all.” But we need to be there for them if/when they seek our counsel.

Exc. advice.

[bearishgurl]

[quote=citydweller]One of the biggest changes in my thinking that has brought me peace of mind is the realization that it is not my job to ensure that others are happy. Nor is it my job to impart my “wisdom” to others on how to live their lives (yes, I do see the irony considering that I am now trying to impart my so-called wisdom to you). I cannot over emphasize what a feeling of relief it was to no longer feel that it was my responsibility to “fix” everyone else.

Just relax and realize that life is really quite simple. All you have to do is show up. You do not need to impress anyone (even yourself). If you are breathing you are living, it doesn’t get any more simple than that.[/quote]

Well put, citydweller. I have a co-dependent streak which I have to fight off. It took me a long while to realize that other adults need to go down whatever road they must, BY THEMSELVES, to figure out how to proceed with a problem. There’s really no need for “bearishgurl, the coach” or “Cabal, the go-to person” to be constantly in the background picking up the pieces.

This applies to a lesser extent to teenagers and those 18-30 year olds who already “know it all.” But we need to be there for them if/when they seek our counsel.

Exc. advice.

[bearishgurl]

[quote=citydweller]One of the biggest changes in my thinking that has brought me peace of mind is the realization that it is not my job to ensure that others are happy. Nor is it my job to impart my “wisdom” to others on how to live their lives (yes, I do see the irony considering that I am now trying to impart my so-called wisdom to you). I cannot over emphasize what a feeling of relief it was to no longer feel that it was my responsibility to “fix” everyone else.

Just relax and realize that life is really quite simple. All you have to do is show up. You do not need to impress anyone (even yourself). If you are breathing you are living, it doesn’t get any more simple than that.[/quote]

Well put, citydweller. I have a co-dependent streak which I have to fight off. It took me a long while to realize that other adults need to go down whatever road they must, BY THEMSELVES, to figure out how to proceed with a problem. There’s really no need for “bearishgurl, the coach” or “Cabal, the go-to person” to be constantly in the background picking up the pieces.

This applies to a lesser extent to teenagers and those 18-30 year olds who already “know it all.” But we need to be there for them if/when they seek our counsel.

Exc. advice.

[Author]

Posts