going broke on 300K/year

[fredo4]

[quote=scaredycat]why is it socially acceptable for women to bitterly and endlessly complain about their husbands? If guys try that, I think generally they are accused of being ingrates (she raised your children! suck it up!). Wouldn’t it just be cheaper and easier to get rid of her and pay a nanny? Except for the alimony of course.[/quote]

I absolutely agree, however, I think that the types of women that tend to complain are the ones who marry a certain type of man (Tom Lykis, e.g.). They are matched sets. These types, both the men and the women are out for what THEY can get and only that.
There’s no sense of trying to do what will make the other person happy.
Then there are those who figure that they’ll just keep dating and not marry so that both will stay in the “trying to please mode”, but that isn’t the answer either. There’s no depth to a relationship that’s hanging so tenuously without any real commitment. It’s especially bad for children if you do it that way because there is no sense of security. Plus it teaches the kids that it’s ok to flit from person to person (usually scattering illegitimate children along the way).
I think the answer is in choosing a quality person whose values match yours and then both working really hard to make the OTHER person’s life better. If people went into marriage with that philosophy every marriage would be great.

[temeculaguy]

[quote=fredo4] Then there are those who figure that they’ll just keep dating and not marry so that both will stay in the “trying to please mode”, but that isn’t the answer either. There’s no depth to a relationship that’s hanging so tenuously without any real commitment.[/quote]

There is an exception to that notion. The exception is for people who are divorced with older children. While marriage is still the best way to have and raise kids, it’s benefits dwindle as you age, after you already have children and it’s comlications increase. Let’s use me as an example. I was married for a about fifteen years and then when I found myself divorced, I read a few books asked some questions of divorced folks and children of divorce and decided I would never allow my kids to meet anyone I dated, I would never date on the nights they were with me and would never remarry until they were in college. So the years roll by and the time that they are both off on their own isn’t that far away. I recovered financially through a little hard work, got a new house, have my financial plan squared away and my retirement funds restored. I’m in my low forties and have found the balance that I never found when married, I can put my kids first, hang with my friends and take part in the hobbies I enjoy without anybody to object. I can also decide which college my kids will attend, how to pay for it, etc. I can also be in a monogomous relationship, even if it may not mean spending 24/7 with someone. I have my kids half the time so there are logistical issues compared to the weekend dad. Sure i’ve had romantic entaglements where it ended because of my rules and time constraints, but there are more fish in the sea, they understood my life before becoming involved and if they change their mind or get frustrated trying to change me, so be it. Not everything that doesn’t end in “forever” is a waste of time. Usually when I look back and analyze those failed relationships, they may not have been a gold digger but they needed me for more than companionship, more than half have washed up on one of the foreclosure sites I track, each time that happens it just reinforces my protectionist lifestyle. Many women find themselves divorced, without the means to maintain their lifestyle, send their kids to college, perhaps they have a deadbeat ex, many of them see a new man as their salvation. But it’s tricky figuring out which ones, so it’s best to treat them all guilty until proven innocent. In a variation of King Soloman’s problem solving, if they are aware that they will never be financially supported or have the ability to use the legal system to share in your property (read: prenup), that you only saved enough for your own kids education, they screen themsleves, because every woman thinks she is independant, but few are. Somewhere around date two is a good time to drop that bomb. It’s a bit underhanded to wait until after the sex starts before breaking out the manifesto.

So why would a typical guy like me ever remarry? If a woman was in a similar situation why would she? I have no big regrets about donating my last house because that was aquired in a team effort, we both had nothing when we started, I’m good with that. But the little empire I’ve built since then, I did it alone, it will not be risked. I didn’t like the Brady Bunch on T.V., I’m sure as hell not going to live it in real life.

[temeculaguy]

[quote=fredo4] Then there are those who figure that they’ll just keep dating and not marry so that both will stay in the “trying to please mode”, but that isn’t the answer either. There’s no depth to a relationship that’s hanging so tenuously without any real commitment.[/quote]

There is an exception to that notion. The exception is for people who are divorced with older children. While marriage is still the best way to have and raise kids, it’s benefits dwindle as you age, after you already have children and it’s comlications increase. Let’s use me as an example. I was married for a about fifteen years and then when I found myself divorced, I read a few books asked some questions of divorced folks and children of divorce and decided I would never allow my kids to meet anyone I dated, I would never date on the nights they were with me and would never remarry until they were in college. So the years roll by and the time that they are both off on their own isn’t that far away. I recovered financially through a little hard work, got a new house, have my financial plan squared away and my retirement funds restored. I’m in my low forties and have found the balance that I never found when married, I can put my kids first, hang with my friends and take part in the hobbies I enjoy without anybody to object. I can also decide which college my kids will attend, how to pay for it, etc. I can also be in a monogomous relationship, even if it may not mean spending 24/7 with someone. I have my kids half the time so there are logistical issues compared to the weekend dad. Sure i’ve had romantic entaglements where it ended because of my rules and time constraints, but there are more fish in the sea, they understood my life before becoming involved and if they change their mind or get frustrated trying to change me, so be it. Not everything that doesn’t end in “forever” is a waste of time. Usually when I look back and analyze those failed relationships, they may not have been a gold digger but they needed me for more than companionship, more than half have washed up on one of the foreclosure sites I track, each time that happens it just reinforces my protectionist lifestyle. Many women find themselves divorced, without the means to maintain their lifestyle, send their kids to college, perhaps they have a deadbeat ex, many of them see a new man as their salvation. But it’s tricky figuring out which ones, so it’s best to treat them all guilty until proven innocent. In a variation of King Soloman’s problem solving, if they are aware that they will never be financially supported or have the ability to use the legal system to share in your property (read: prenup), that you only saved enough for your own kids education, they screen themsleves, because every woman thinks she is independant, but few are. Somewhere around date two is a good time to drop that bomb. It’s a bit underhanded to wait until after the sex starts before breaking out the manifesto.

So why would a typical guy like me ever remarry? If a woman was in a similar situation why would she? I have no big regrets about donating my last house because that was aquired in a team effort, we both had nothing when we started, I’m good with that. But the little empire I’ve built since then, I did it alone, it will not be risked. I didn’t like the Brady Bunch on T.V., I’m sure as hell not going to live it in real life.

[temeculaguy]

[quote=fredo4] Then there are those who figure that they’ll just keep dating and not marry so that both will stay in the “trying to please mode”, but that isn’t the answer either. There’s no depth to a relationship that’s hanging so tenuously without any real commitment.[/quote]

There is an exception to that notion. The exception is for people who are divorced with older children. While marriage is still the best way to have and raise kids, it’s benefits dwindle as you age, after you already have children and it’s comlications increase. Let’s use me as an example. I was married for a about fifteen years and then when I found myself divorced, I read a few books asked some questions of divorced folks and children of divorce and decided I would never allow my kids to meet anyone I dated, I would never date on the nights they were with me and would never remarry until they were in college. So the years roll by and the time that they are both off on their own isn’t that far away. I recovered financially through a little hard work, got a new house, have my financial plan squared away and my retirement funds restored. I’m in my low forties and have found the balance that I never found when married, I can put my kids first, hang with my friends and take part in the hobbies I enjoy without anybody to object. I can also decide which college my kids will attend, how to pay for it, etc. I can also be in a monogomous relationship, even if it may not mean spending 24/7 with someone. I have my kids half the time so there are logistical issues compared to the weekend dad. Sure i’ve had romantic entaglements where it ended because of my rules and time constraints, but there are more fish in the sea, they understood my life before becoming involved and if they change their mind or get frustrated trying to change me, so be it. Not everything that doesn’t end in “forever” is a waste of time. Usually when I look back and analyze those failed relationships, they may not have been a gold digger but they needed me for more than companionship, more than half have washed up on one of the foreclosure sites I track, each time that happens it just reinforces my protectionist lifestyle. Many women find themselves divorced, without the means to maintain their lifestyle, send their kids to college, perhaps they have a deadbeat ex, many of them see a new man as their salvation. But it’s tricky figuring out which ones, so it’s best to treat them all guilty until proven innocent. In a variation of King Soloman’s problem solving, if they are aware that they will never be financially supported or have the ability to use the legal system to share in your property (read: prenup), that you only saved enough for your own kids education, they screen themsleves, because every woman thinks she is independant, but few are. Somewhere around date two is a good time to drop that bomb. It’s a bit underhanded to wait until after the sex starts before breaking out the manifesto.

So why would a typical guy like me ever remarry? If a woman was in a similar situation why would she? I have no big regrets about donating my last house because that was aquired in a team effort, we both had nothing when we started, I’m good with that. But the little empire I’ve built since then, I did it alone, it will not be risked. I didn’t like the Brady Bunch on T.V., I’m sure as hell not going to live it in real life.

[temeculaguy]

[quote=fredo4] Then there are those who figure that they’ll just keep dating and not marry so that both will stay in the “trying to please mode”, but that isn’t the answer either. There’s no depth to a relationship that’s hanging so tenuously without any real commitment.[/quote]

There is an exception to that notion. The exception is for people who are divorced with older children. While marriage is still the best way to have and raise kids, it’s benefits dwindle as you age, after you already have children and it’s comlications increase. Let’s use me as an example. I was married for a about fifteen years and then when I found myself divorced, I read a few books asked some questions of divorced folks and children of divorce and decided I would never allow my kids to meet anyone I dated, I would never date on the nights they were with me and would never remarry until they were in college. So the years roll by and the time that they are both off on their own isn’t that far away. I recovered financially through a little hard work, got a new house, have my financial plan squared away and my retirement funds restored. I’m in my low forties and have found the balance that I never found when married, I can put my kids first, hang with my friends and take part in the hobbies I enjoy without anybody to object. I can also decide which college my kids will attend, how to pay for it, etc. I can also be in a monogomous relationship, even if it may not mean spending 24/7 with someone. I have my kids half the time so there are logistical issues compared to the weekend dad. Sure i’ve had romantic entaglements where it ended because of my rules and time constraints, but there are more fish in the sea, they understood my life before becoming involved and if they change their mind or get frustrated trying to change me, so be it. Not everything that doesn’t end in “forever” is a waste of time. Usually when I look back and analyze those failed relationships, they may not have been a gold digger but they needed me for more than companionship, more than half have washed up on one of the foreclosure sites I track, each time that happens it just reinforces my protectionist lifestyle. Many women find themselves divorced, without the means to maintain their lifestyle, send their kids to college, perhaps they have a deadbeat ex, many of them see a new man as their salvation. But it’s tricky figuring out which ones, so it’s best to treat them all guilty until proven innocent. In a variation of King Soloman’s problem solving, if they are aware that they will never be financially supported or have the ability to use the legal system to share in your property (read: prenup), that you only saved enough for your own kids education, they screen themsleves, because every woman thinks she is independant, but few are. Somewhere around date two is a good time to drop that bomb. It’s a bit underhanded to wait until after the sex starts before breaking out the manifesto.

So why would a typical guy like me ever remarry? If a woman was in a similar situation why would she? I have no big regrets about donating my last house because that was aquired in a team effort, we both had nothing when we started, I’m good with that. But the little empire I’ve built since then, I did it alone, it will not be risked. I didn’t like the Brady Bunch on T.V., I’m sure as hell not going to live it in real life.

[temeculaguy]

[quote=fredo4] Then there are those who figure that they’ll just keep dating and not marry so that both will stay in the “trying to please mode”, but that isn’t the answer either. There’s no depth to a relationship that’s hanging so tenuously without any real commitment.[/quote]

There is an exception to that notion. The exception is for people who are divorced with older children. While marriage is still the best way to have and raise kids, it’s benefits dwindle as you age, after you already have children and it’s comlications increase. Let’s use me as an example. I was married for a about fifteen years and then when I found myself divorced, I read a few books asked some questions of divorced folks and children of divorce and decided I would never allow my kids to meet anyone I dated, I would never date on the nights they were with me and would never remarry until they were in college. So the years roll by and the time that they are both off on their own isn’t that far away. I recovered financially through a little hard work, got a new house, have my financial plan squared away and my retirement funds restored. I’m in my low forties and have found the balance that I never found when married, I can put my kids first, hang with my friends and take part in the hobbies I enjoy without anybody to object. I can also decide which college my kids will attend, how to pay for it, etc. I can also be in a monogomous relationship, even if it may not mean spending 24/7 with someone. I have my kids half the time so there are logistical issues compared to the weekend dad. Sure i’ve had romantic entaglements where it ended because of my rules and time constraints, but there are more fish in the sea, they understood my life before becoming involved and if they change their mind or get frustrated trying to change me, so be it. Not everything that doesn’t end in “forever” is a waste of time. Usually when I look back and analyze those failed relationships, they may not have been a gold digger but they needed me for more than companionship, more than half have washed up on one of the foreclosure sites I track, each time that happens it just reinforces my protectionist lifestyle. Many women find themselves divorced, without the means to maintain their lifestyle, send their kids to college, perhaps they have a deadbeat ex, many of them see a new man as their salvation. But it’s tricky figuring out which ones, so it’s best to treat them all guilty until proven innocent. In a variation of King Soloman’s problem solving, if they are aware that they will never be financially supported or have the ability to use the legal system to share in your property (read: prenup), that you only saved enough for your own kids education, they screen themsleves, because every woman thinks she is independant, but few are. Somewhere around date two is a good time to drop that bomb. It’s a bit underhanded to wait until after the sex starts before breaking out the manifesto.

So why would a typical guy like me ever remarry? If a woman was in a similar situation why would she? I have no big regrets about donating my last house because that was aquired in a team effort, we both had nothing when we started, I’m good with that. But the little empire I’ve built since then, I did it alone, it will not be risked. I didn’t like the Brady Bunch on T.V., I’m sure as hell not going to live it in real life.

[CA renter]

[quote=propertysearchaddiction]Very interesting discussion.
I think this sentence from the article sums it up.

DeSantis says.
“We tied our self-worth and social stature on what we earned.”

I quit working full time a few years ago to stay at home with our young children. I tied my self worth to my achievements and it was hard to make the change. America values money over happiness. Being aware of our culture has made it easier for us to make decisions that bring us happiness first and money second. Surprisingly, my husband now works 40 hours instead of 80 and has maintained our income.

Here’s my take…

1) Take care of your own health

2)Put your marriage first. Go out on a weekly date. Make time for a great sex life. Take a yearly vacation without kids! Set aside time each week to talk about family/finances/relationship. (I know every guys dream)

2) Put your kids second. Spend one on one time. Do family activities. Find their talents and put them in activities to succeed.

3) Job and making money comes in third

4) Live WAY below your means!!!

5) If your going to outsource something go for the house cleaner.[/quote]

Excellent post!

My DH and I were just talking about how so many spouses seem to hate or dislike each other. They marry for the wrong reasons (money/beauty), and then wonder what went wrong when that’s gone.

IMHO, the best bet is to find someone who will be your **best friend** and put everything you have into being a team. There is no reason to have an adversarial relationship when it comes to marriage. You really need to **like** the person, so that when your marriage inevitably hits a rough patch — as all marriages cycle through the ups and downs — you have something substantial to carry you through the rough times.
—————

I also agree with TG WRT marriage after you’ve already had the kids, etc. It causes a LOT of problems, and there really is no reason to marry after you’re done having a family, unless you want to share assets for some reason (some do). One thing my husband and I both agreed on is that it was a good thing none of our (responsible) parents remarried. This enabled them to be good parents who could focus on their kids instead of worrying about finding a new spouse — though our moms did have long-time companions who had their own houses and lives, which our mothers insisted on.

——————

I also liked fredo’s posts. Agree 100%!

[CA renter]

[quote=propertysearchaddiction]Very interesting discussion.
I think this sentence from the article sums it up.

DeSantis says.
“We tied our self-worth and social stature on what we earned.”

I quit working full time a few years ago to stay at home with our young children. I tied my self worth to my achievements and it was hard to make the change. America values money over happiness. Being aware of our culture has made it easier for us to make decisions that bring us happiness first and money second. Surprisingly, my husband now works 40 hours instead of 80 and has maintained our income.

Here’s my take…

1) Take care of your own health

2)Put your marriage first. Go out on a weekly date. Make time for a great sex life. Take a yearly vacation without kids! Set aside time each week to talk about family/finances/relationship. (I know every guys dream)

2) Put your kids second. Spend one on one time. Do family activities. Find their talents and put them in activities to succeed.

3) Job and making money comes in third

4) Live WAY below your means!!!

5) If your going to outsource something go for the house cleaner.[/quote]

Excellent post!

My DH and I were just talking about how so many spouses seem to hate or dislike each other. They marry for the wrong reasons (money/beauty), and then wonder what went wrong when that’s gone.

IMHO, the best bet is to find someone who will be your **best friend** and put everything you have into being a team. There is no reason to have an adversarial relationship when it comes to marriage. You really need to **like** the person, so that when your marriage inevitably hits a rough patch — as all marriages cycle through the ups and downs — you have something substantial to carry you through the rough times.
—————

I also agree with TG WRT marriage after you’ve already had the kids, etc. It causes a LOT of problems, and there really is no reason to marry after you’re done having a family, unless you want to share assets for some reason (some do). One thing my husband and I both agreed on is that it was a good thing none of our (responsible) parents remarried. This enabled them to be good parents who could focus on their kids instead of worrying about finding a new spouse — though our moms did have long-time companions who had their own houses and lives, which our mothers insisted on.

——————

I also liked fredo’s posts. Agree 100%!

[CA renter]

[quote=propertysearchaddiction]Very interesting discussion.
I think this sentence from the article sums it up.

DeSantis says.
“We tied our self-worth and social stature on what we earned.”

I quit working full time a few years ago to stay at home with our young children. I tied my self worth to my achievements and it was hard to make the change. America values money over happiness. Being aware of our culture has made it easier for us to make decisions that bring us happiness first and money second. Surprisingly, my husband now works 40 hours instead of 80 and has maintained our income.

Here’s my take…

1) Take care of your own health

2)Put your marriage first. Go out on a weekly date. Make time for a great sex life. Take a yearly vacation without kids! Set aside time each week to talk about family/finances/relationship. (I know every guys dream)

2) Put your kids second. Spend one on one time. Do family activities. Find their talents and put them in activities to succeed.

3) Job and making money comes in third

4) Live WAY below your means!!!

5) If your going to outsource something go for the house cleaner.[/quote]

Excellent post!

My DH and I were just talking about how so many spouses seem to hate or dislike each other. They marry for the wrong reasons (money/beauty), and then wonder what went wrong when that’s gone.

IMHO, the best bet is to find someone who will be your **best friend** and put everything you have into being a team. There is no reason to have an adversarial relationship when it comes to marriage. You really need to **like** the person, so that when your marriage inevitably hits a rough patch — as all marriages cycle through the ups and downs — you have something substantial to carry you through the rough times.
—————

I also agree with TG WRT marriage after you’ve already had the kids, etc. It causes a LOT of problems, and there really is no reason to marry after you’re done having a family, unless you want to share assets for some reason (some do). One thing my husband and I both agreed on is that it was a good thing none of our (responsible) parents remarried. This enabled them to be good parents who could focus on their kids instead of worrying about finding a new spouse — though our moms did have long-time companions who had their own houses and lives, which our mothers insisted on.

——————

I also liked fredo’s posts. Agree 100%!

[CA renter]

[quote=propertysearchaddiction]Very interesting discussion.
I think this sentence from the article sums it up.

DeSantis says.
“We tied our self-worth and social stature on what we earned.”

I quit working full time a few years ago to stay at home with our young children. I tied my self worth to my achievements and it was hard to make the change. America values money over happiness. Being aware of our culture has made it easier for us to make decisions that bring us happiness first and money second. Surprisingly, my husband now works 40 hours instead of 80 and has maintained our income.

Here’s my take…

1) Take care of your own health

2)Put your marriage first. Go out on a weekly date. Make time for a great sex life. Take a yearly vacation without kids! Set aside time each week to talk about family/finances/relationship. (I know every guys dream)

2) Put your kids second. Spend one on one time. Do family activities. Find their talents and put them in activities to succeed.

3) Job and making money comes in third

4) Live WAY below your means!!!

5) If your going to outsource something go for the house cleaner.[/quote]

Excellent post!

My DH and I were just talking about how so many spouses seem to hate or dislike each other. They marry for the wrong reasons (money/beauty), and then wonder what went wrong when that’s gone.

IMHO, the best bet is to find someone who will be your **best friend** and put everything you have into being a team. There is no reason to have an adversarial relationship when it comes to marriage. You really need to **like** the person, so that when your marriage inevitably hits a rough patch — as all marriages cycle through the ups and downs — you have something substantial to carry you through the rough times.
—————

I also agree with TG WRT marriage after you’ve already had the kids, etc. It causes a LOT of problems, and there really is no reason to marry after you’re done having a family, unless you want to share assets for some reason (some do). One thing my husband and I both agreed on is that it was a good thing none of our (responsible) parents remarried. This enabled them to be good parents who could focus on their kids instead of worrying about finding a new spouse — though our moms did have long-time companions who had their own houses and lives, which our mothers insisted on.

——————

I also liked fredo’s posts. Agree 100%!

[CA renter]

[quote=propertysearchaddiction]Very interesting discussion.
I think this sentence from the article sums it up.

DeSantis says.
“We tied our self-worth and social stature on what we earned.”

I quit working full time a few years ago to stay at home with our young children. I tied my self worth to my achievements and it was hard to make the change. America values money over happiness. Being aware of our culture has made it easier for us to make decisions that bring us happiness first and money second. Surprisingly, my husband now works 40 hours instead of 80 and has maintained our income.

Here’s my take…

1) Take care of your own health

2)Put your marriage first. Go out on a weekly date. Make time for a great sex life. Take a yearly vacation without kids! Set aside time each week to talk about family/finances/relationship. (I know every guys dream)

2) Put your kids second. Spend one on one time. Do family activities. Find their talents and put them in activities to succeed.

3) Job and making money comes in third

4) Live WAY below your means!!!

5) If your going to outsource something go for the house cleaner.[/quote]

Excellent post!

My DH and I were just talking about how so many spouses seem to hate or dislike each other. They marry for the wrong reasons (money/beauty), and then wonder what went wrong when that’s gone.

IMHO, the best bet is to find someone who will be your **best friend** and put everything you have into being a team. There is no reason to have an adversarial relationship when it comes to marriage. You really need to **like** the person, so that when your marriage inevitably hits a rough patch — as all marriages cycle through the ups and downs — you have something substantial to carry you through the rough times.
—————

I also agree with TG WRT marriage after you’ve already had the kids, etc. It causes a LOT of problems, and there really is no reason to marry after you’re done having a family, unless you want to share assets for some reason (some do). One thing my husband and I both agreed on is that it was a good thing none of our (responsible) parents remarried. This enabled them to be good parents who could focus on their kids instead of worrying about finding a new spouse — though our moms did have long-time companions who had their own houses and lives, which our mothers insisted on.

——————

I also liked fredo’s posts. Agree 100%!

[fredo4]

[quote=temeculaguy][quote=fredo4]
So why would a typical guy like me ever remarry? If a woman was in a similar situation why would she? I have no big regrets about donating my last house because that was aquired in a team effort, we both had nothing when we started, I’m good with that. But the little empire I’ve built since then, I did it alone, it will not be risked. I didn’t like the Brady Bunch on T.V., I’m sure as hell not going to live it in real life.[/quote]

TG- You’ve done it all the right way IMO. Obviously, it’s better not to get divorced in the first place, but if you have no other alternative, the way you’ve done it is ideal. Putting your kids first, not even introducing them to the women you date, etc. However, when your kids are all on their own you are going to run into some problems when THEY have kids if you and the new girlfriend are shacking up. They may see you as a bad influence.

My dad lives with his girlfriend and I don’t let my 12-yr-old daughter go over there because of it. I have nothing against his arrangement personally (My husband and I lived together before our marriage) I just don’t want my daughter to get the idea that this is what everyone does. It’s hard enough to keep your teenage daughters from getting pregnant without grampa teaching them how to do it.
I think that a prenup is definately the way to go with a second marriage. It may be a hard sell to the second wife (not because she’s a gold digger but because of the implication that you don’t trust her), but if you present it in a delicate way, explaining all of your concerns, I don’t think it should be a problem getting her to go along with the idea. Maybe even put in a clause that if you cheat on her, the prenup is null and void. Plus, you want to have a wife to grow old with, don’t you? Who else is going to give you sponge baths?

[fredo4]

[quote=temeculaguy][quote=fredo4]
So why would a typical guy like me ever remarry? If a woman was in a similar situation why would she? I have no big regrets about donating my last house because that was aquired in a team effort, we both had nothing when we started, I’m good with that. But the little empire I’ve built since then, I did it alone, it will not be risked. I didn’t like the Brady Bunch on T.V., I’m sure as hell not going to live it in real life.[/quote]

TG- You’ve done it all the right way IMO. Obviously, it’s better not to get divorced in the first place, but if you have no other alternative, the way you’ve done it is ideal. Putting your kids first, not even introducing them to the women you date, etc. However, when your kids are all on their own you are going to run into some problems when THEY have kids if you and the new girlfriend are shacking up. They may see you as a bad influence.

My dad lives with his girlfriend and I don’t let my 12-yr-old daughter go over there because of it. I have nothing against his arrangement personally (My husband and I lived together before our marriage) I just don’t want my daughter to get the idea that this is what everyone does. It’s hard enough to keep your teenage daughters from getting pregnant without grampa teaching them how to do it.
I think that a prenup is definately the way to go with a second marriage. It may be a hard sell to the second wife (not because she’s a gold digger but because of the implication that you don’t trust her), but if you present it in a delicate way, explaining all of your concerns, I don’t think it should be a problem getting her to go along with the idea. Maybe even put in a clause that if you cheat on her, the prenup is null and void. Plus, you want to have a wife to grow old with, don’t you? Who else is going to give you sponge baths?

[fredo4]

[quote=temeculaguy][quote=fredo4]
So why would a typical guy like me ever remarry? If a woman was in a similar situation why would she? I have no big regrets about donating my last house because that was aquired in a team effort, we both had nothing when we started, I’m good with that. But the little empire I’ve built since then, I did it alone, it will not be risked. I didn’t like the Brady Bunch on T.V., I’m sure as hell not going to live it in real life.[/quote]

TG- You’ve done it all the right way IMO. Obviously, it’s better not to get divorced in the first place, but if you have no other alternative, the way you’ve done it is ideal. Putting your kids first, not even introducing them to the women you date, etc. However, when your kids are all on their own you are going to run into some problems when THEY have kids if you and the new girlfriend are shacking up. They may see you as a bad influence.

My dad lives with his girlfriend and I don’t let my 12-yr-old daughter go over there because of it. I have nothing against his arrangement personally (My husband and I lived together before our marriage) I just don’t want my daughter to get the idea that this is what everyone does. It’s hard enough to keep your teenage daughters from getting pregnant without grampa teaching them how to do it.
I think that a prenup is definately the way to go with a second marriage. It may be a hard sell to the second wife (not because she’s a gold digger but because of the implication that you don’t trust her), but if you present it in a delicate way, explaining all of your concerns, I don’t think it should be a problem getting her to go along with the idea. Maybe even put in a clause that if you cheat on her, the prenup is null and void. Plus, you want to have a wife to grow old with, don’t you? Who else is going to give you sponge baths?

[fredo4]

[quote=temeculaguy][quote=fredo4]
So why would a typical guy like me ever remarry? If a woman was in a similar situation why would she? I have no big regrets about donating my last house because that was aquired in a team effort, we both had nothing when we started, I’m good with that. But the little empire I’ve built since then, I did it alone, it will not be risked. I didn’t like the Brady Bunch on T.V., I’m sure as hell not going to live it in real life.[/quote]

TG- You’ve done it all the right way IMO. Obviously, it’s better not to get divorced in the first place, but if you have no other alternative, the way you’ve done it is ideal. Putting your kids first, not even introducing them to the women you date, etc. However, when your kids are all on their own you are going to run into some problems when THEY have kids if you and the new girlfriend are shacking up. They may see you as a bad influence.

My dad lives with his girlfriend and I don’t let my 12-yr-old daughter go over there because of it. I have nothing against his arrangement personally (My husband and I lived together before our marriage) I just don’t want my daughter to get the idea that this is what everyone does. It’s hard enough to keep your teenage daughters from getting pregnant without grampa teaching them how to do it.
I think that a prenup is definately the way to go with a second marriage. It may be a hard sell to the second wife (not because she’s a gold digger but because of the implication that you don’t trust her), but if you present it in a delicate way, explaining all of your concerns, I don’t think it should be a problem getting her to go along with the idea. Maybe even put in a clause that if you cheat on her, the prenup is null and void. Plus, you want to have a wife to grow old with, don’t you? Who else is going to give you sponge baths?

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