SMH, The parts of your story I find most troubling are your apparent inability to save much money (even when renting), why you didn’t try to sell at the peak (it was NOT 2003, btw) and why you were charged so much for refis. It leads one to believe that your credit wasn’t so good from the get go (even though it may have been). Also, I truly believe you may have paid too much when you first bought the property, considering it was on a smallish lot for that area. I haven’t actually researched this but wonder if the 2003 SFR sold comps in 92040 were actually closer to about $188 sf at that time.
Thanks for allowing us Piggs to peer into the mind of a “strategic defaulter.”