My brother was married for 10 years. He fell out of love. He wanted to be w/other women. He did not cheat on his wife. He explained to her that it was better for them to divorce. He did not want to deceive her. He wanted her to be happy and find somone who loved her. She was hurt at the time, but now is happy. I think it would’ve been more traumatic for her if he cheated on her. [/quote]
Which is exactly how it’s supposed to be handled. I think the typical husband, however, reasons as follows: “I love my wife and family but I have ‘needs’. So long as my wife and family don’t know about how I go about satisfying them then it’s as if it didn’t happen. What they don’t know won’t hurt them. But if I try to divorce, there will be a long-term shitstorm from which recovery will be both expensive and emotionally draining. Therefore I will gamble that I won’t get caught because I like the odds and the potential asymmetric payoff.” Frankly, it’s the family-relationship version of kicking the can down the road. I think it’s that simple. It may not be particularly realistic – but if you’re really confident then I can see how many men sell themselves on this strategy.
And here’s the reality – many men go to their graves without their families knowing about their extracurricular activities. On the other hand, a large number get caught as well. So, it’s a risky strategy.
