I didn’t mean to sound smug about my kid graduating from UCLA. I know firsthand it is surely no guarantee for success, nor is a degree from any other institution. After changing majors twice, he is graduating with a degree in Sociology, which will obviously not be a ticket to financial success, and he does not have a job lined up, but hopes to enter the Peace Corps or work for an NGO overseas.
Thankfully, he will not be coming home (I say thankfully because although we love each other dearly, it wouldn’t be fun for either of us…I’m counting on us becoming “friends” later but for now, my husband and I are in tough love mode w/him as he needs a little kick in the pants).
He went to UCLA because he got an amazing scholarship (not needs-based) and frankly, they made it almost impossible to say no, but was it the “perfect fit” for him? No. He would have preferred (and probably belonged at) a smaller, east coast liberal arts college, and he got accepted at several great ones, but we could not justify the $200,000+ cost differential for a 4-yr degree there vs. UCLA.
And don’t get me wrong – we’re hugely appreciative to UCLA (and CA taxpayers) for the scholarship and feel they provide an outstanding education and amazing resources, especially for the student who is willing/motivated to seek out ways to take advantage of all they offer and to carve out a niche for themselves, socially and academically. But it is a HUGE place, and it’s easy for undergrads to get lost and stay lost. The 200+ student lecture halls and massive student body (many of whom seemed to already have a purpose and a drive for a certain career when they arrived) were not what our son envisioned for his college experience. We hoped he would take more initiative, but he never seemed to gain a lot of traction. But he did fine, he is graduating, and I believe he’ll look back fondly on his years there.
He will find his way, even (and maybe especially) without our future financial support. Sure, we’ll help him out a little bit, but he’s got a couple thousand dollars saved up from summer jobs, is graduating debt-free, and has a place in LA rented with a few friends and will take it from here. As my husband likes to say, “he’s off the payroll.” He’ll work at an on-campus job for the next few months while applying to other jobs and then figure it out. It will all be fine, and I’m confident he will become a self-supporting, content member of society as he grows into adulthood.
One more thought – this “find your passion” BS that we hear so often spouted around graduation time to high school and college graduates makes me crazy. This message needs to be balanced with encouragement to be realistic, understand that there will always be bills to pay and you need to know that life can get awfully stressful if you can’t pay them. The way that graduation speakers leave out the part about being realistic about your financial needs always annoys me because it’s like you’re tricking the kids into thinking all they should focus on is following their sweet passion and everything else will fall into place. So. Not. True. First of all, most kids don’t have a singular “passion” and secondly, even if they do, it may not pay the bills so if they follow it, they’re stuck feeling like they’ve been duped or did something wrong and should have gotten that accounting degree even though they hate math; also not the answer. Instead, I think the message should be that moving forward into the future for most of us is a balancing act and involves a lot of trial and error – sure, don’t pursue something you despise doing (duh!), but also be realistic, kids – you’ll have to pay some dues en route to finding your passion, and sometimes that means taking a job for awhile that feels like drudgery but will lead to something else. Have a good attitude, give it your best shot, shaping/molding your own future as you go and it will work out, leading you to better things, maybe even finding your passion.
