for me, I have to be doing as well or better than peers, or i feel pangs of discomfort. i am aware of this, and so i don’t think I am totally psychologically controlled by it. When I think back to a guy i used to work closely with in a different field who went on to become extraordinarily successful and wealthy, I become almost physically ill with jealousy.
kinda like the main character in BREAKING BAD feels…
