Doesn’t seem overly harsh, but being snippy doesn’t serve you well. Just change a couple words to make it a little more professional.
Change “invest in paint” to “Put a fresh coat of paint on the house.”
Remove “ugly” from “adding more ugly pictures” or change to “adding more pictures of the house in its current condition … ”
Provide some data on how many people visit the property. Compare this to the number of people online. 676 views online with 1 visitor ? or 676 views online with 100 visitors ? Could help make the point. Also – how many offers ? Let the buyer know how many visitors and offers he should expect with 676 views online. Should he expect 10 and is getting 1? Should he expect 1 and didn’t get any ?
Change “present this” to “present the house” or “present your property”
