[quote=davelj][quote=Russell]Your observations are still missing some things, Dave. [/quote]
They generally are. Few have the time or inclination to go into great detail on the internet.
[quote=Russell]
It’s just a very high percentage of those 50% who don’t play around and many of those who do but quit(like Tiger), could still venture out one way or another. I used to participate in a men’s closed door discussion group and I heard a lot about it from some pretty homely dudes.Going to a prostitute is “cheating” for a person in a committed monogamous relationship, right? Going to a socially lower but otherwise willing woman? Anyone can do those things as far as I know? Trust me the guys who really want some variation don’t say “no, I guess not, because the only choices I have are prostitutes .” Being gay in a heterosexual commitment doesn’t stop someone from cheating either. It might increase the likelyhood? [/quote]
Tiger hasn’t “quit.” He’s just marketing to the Public at the moment. I think we all know that.
Yes, of course seeing prostitutes and sleeping with any other woman, for whatever reason, are cheating. The men who really want variation (“fantasize,” if you will) but don’t cheat do so largely because the fear of getting caught outweighs the perceived benefit.
[quote=Russell]
A lot of people find a way to satisfy themselves that a variety of partners doesn’t add up to much. Usually we play the field and decide we want to settle down,hopefully choosing well. Many people find going from one to the next a shallow, not so soulful existence.You can get your tires slashed too. So as the temptation doesn’t go away either does this attitude/belief that the grass is not greener.
The men who respect monogamy do it because:
They gave their word that they would not play around and they have more to lose,including a high quality relationship/life experience if they do.
[/quote]
I think it has little to do with “giving one’s word.” I think it has much more to do with fear and consequences of getting caught. Which is logical, don’t get me wrong.
In terms of a variety of partners not “adding up to much,” nothing really adds up to much in the end, in my view, including having a family. My view – clearly not shared by everyone – is that life is just a big adventure and that wives and kids are obstacles to adventure. Again, I realize that others feel differently. Different strokes for different folks.
[quote=Russell]
While we are human we do not see that simple sexual conquests are going to add up to a tangible reward, compared to the arrangement we entered and share. Just seems of many possible “mature” paths to take, none of which are perfect.[/quote]
You say “tangible reward,” I say “tangible anchor.” You say tomato, I say tomahto. I don’t even know what “mature” path means… I certainly don’t equate marriage and/or having children as “mature.” Often it appears to be quite the opposite. But I can see how folks who are married with kids would like to view themselves as “mature,” thus self-validating their choices.
[quote=Russell]
It’s not a matter of denying yourself what you “want”. It’s saying “I want this more than that. No different than saying “I want to be healthy more than I want a completely self-indulgent diet”, even if are surrounded by an amazing smorgasbord of desserts.[/quote]
Agreed. It’s about making the optimal choice given your preferences and situation. But in making that optimal choice, most folks do have to choose to deny themselves one thing (a variety of partners, just to use one example) in exchange for another thing (marriage, kids, etc.). Trade-offs, by definition, involve giving up one thing because the other thing is of greater perceived value. But you’re still giving something up…[/quote]
I am not sure I agree that “fear of getting caught” is anything more than a natural part of any temptation thought process. The held belief that the act and consequences of indulging in the temptations would be negative on the whole seems more reasonably the controlling factor. The guys who actually cheat and lie about it are the ones who are afraid of getting caught.
The people I hang out with and have watched over the years value keeping their word. I have always avoided anything more than incidental contact with people who lie to their partners. This is not to say I think everyone honest can, or will, succeed at monogamy, just that some will be 100% truthful about it. I understand if you can’t imagine that scenario. Maybe it is rare.
Yep, Potato potahto. To each his own. I am not really debating how happy you are with your adventurous life or defending mine. Just responding to fallacies/inaccuracies and over generalizations in your beat-down married people posts. I agree the beat-down posts and the responses seem out of place here.
