Can you also understand that some of us (both men and women) don’t want your lifestyle? Some of us enjoy the kind of love and lifestyle that can only be experienced by those who commit themselves to another person for life. We **enjoy** marriage (and children, for those who choose to have them). We enjoy a more substantial relationship where life is lived as a team, and one’s goals no longer revolve around ourselves, alone.[/quote]
Yes, I understand this. My point is not that there aren’t happy couples/families out there. Clearly there are. My point is that this state of familial bliss is far more rare than appears on the surface as a result of lots of the issues discussed in this thread. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce, an even larger percent have at least one cheating spouse, and then add in the spouses that want to cheat but don’t have the opportunity, etc. etc. etc… and you’ll realize that most couples – a la Tiger Woods, most recently – live The Lie. Not all… but most.
[quote=CA renter]
Exactly whom are you trying to convince that your lifestyle is superior? [/quote]
No one. After a fair amount of introspection and life experience, I’ve convinced myself that my lifestyle is superior FOR ME, so it’s unnecessary to convince anyone else. Having said that one of my hobbies, as a very amateur social anthropologist, is identifying hypocrisy and inconsistencies in the manner in which others lead their lives, and there is no more fertile ground in this regard than the generic nuclear family unit. Again, because it’s so recent I’m thinking of the Tiger Woods affair and how this sort of thing is far more common than folks would like to admit (albeit, without the paparazzi and Gloria Allred…).
[quote=CA renter]
That being said, your constant remarks about women being “gold-diggers” and that their work (in the home) and sacrifices are not valuable show a very narrow-minded perspective. The suggestion that they should make themselves available to you (or other men) and offer up their most valuable assets (youth and beauty) without any expectations in return are offensive. [/quote]
Exactly where have I said that women’s “work in the home and sacrifices are not valuable”? You’ll be looking for quite a while because I’ve never stated or even suggested that. You’ve conjured that out of thin air, I’m assuming because you’re not interested in letting the facts get in the way of the point you’re trying to make. I will say, however, that child care/housework does have a dollar value that can be placed on it (as evidenced by the cost of nannies, housekeeping etc.) and that it is typically below what the average mother believes.
I do NOT believe that a woman should “offer up her most valuable assets (youth and beauty) without any expectations in return” (your words) – she should strike the best deal she can. But, I think we should all be honest about what exactly you’re implying here. And fortunately, as time passes there are more and more women who are willing to offer up these assets without any expectations (commitment, money, etc.). But that’s not my fault and I’m certainly not going to complain about it.
[quote=CA renter]
Money is NOT everything; and stay-at-home parents provide valuable services that, while not paid for in salary, are still worth very real money. You negate the work done by these parents and spouses, and you lack the knowledge or experience to make these judgements.[/quote]
No, money is not everything. I’d argue that it’s “contentment” that’s everything. And everyone’s gotta forge their own path to contentment. My view – based on what I see around me – is that many folks lie to themselves (largely due to social/cultural pressures) about what’s going to make them content (“The Lie”). But clearly not everyone does – perhaps you’re one.
The idea that I lack the knowledge or experience to comment intelligently on the work that spouses do is absurd, seeing as I have witnessed this work from several different perspectives throughout my life. The idea that I can’t “understand” it because I haven’t engaged in it directly is a logical fallacy. (It’s just soooo complicated, how DO billions of folks manage every day? I’ll acknowledge that many aspects are a challenge – but let’s not go overboard.) I also haven’t put my hand in a pot of boiling water, but I know what the result would be.
