[quote=Blogstar][quote=scaredyclassic]Wait a minute… In ca r’s defense, women put higher levels of energy into the c task. My wife spends a weekend alone at home with the kids and she us wiped out. Me, not even fatigued. Why? I’m kind of lame. It’s more like a frat house. I don’t know. I expend less mental and phys. Energies. By our nature’s the role is going to such more out of SAM than SAHD.
I suspect it has to do with the ache to be with them…[/quote]
You are over generalizing. Not that there isn’t some truth to it. …but there are plenty of things that my wife does half measures or not at all and I do with a lot more diligence an depth….just different things. I would think that’s pretty typical…Anyway, someone had to bring some balance to the thing.[/quote]
Of course, everyone is different, but scaredy’s right about this one. In my case, I spend *at least* 3-4 hours cleaning per day, which includes kitchen, dishes, bathrooms, vacuuming/mopping (which I tend to do daily, if not multiple times/day); this does not include laundry. Probably 1-2 hours/day on food prep (sometimes more).
It is much easier once the kids are older (5+), but then you tend to do a lot more driving around. There are days when we do nothing else but drive them around to various classes and activities.
And as far as money meaning too much to me, personally; well, I’ve seen what divorce can do to people. Money should never be the focus, but those who don’t take a very realistic and business-like approach to it will usually end up in a very bad place.
I watched my middle-aged mom lose everything when my parents divorced (and my dad felt that he was the one who got screwed), and she was at an age where it was very difficult to get a full-time, decent-paying job. She was a UCLA grad, made good money in real estate, but that’s a tough gig because of the volatility if you’re not married to someone who has a regular paycheck. She had to take part-time jobs that paid less than I was making at the time while going to college. She was the one who built our family’s wealth because she was excellent with money and investments, but that didn’t count in divorce court, nor did the fact that the divorce was unilaterally chosen by my father.
As for my personal situation, I had the house with the tiny mortgage, bought near the bottom of the market in the mid-late 90s. I was the one with savings and no debt. I was the one with two (older) paid-off cars. I was the one who fought every one of our friends and family members (including husband) on selling to rent (made hundreds of thousands on the house), and I was the one who shorted the market and all of the housing, banking, etc. stocks (made hundreds of thousands on that along with other investments, too). My parents left an above-average inheritance, as well. Trust me, my husband scored on the financial front when he married me, too. I’m not materialistic, but realistic. I know that without money, there is no food, no housing, no healthcare, no buffer in case of emergency, no retirement.
I’m not fighting for myself, as I’ve made provisions for that a long time ago. I’m fighting for those who CANNOT afford a divorce as a SAHP. I’m fighting for those who are too naive when they enter marriages and decide to stay home with their children. Too many people are not aware of the Second Wives Club and their divorce reform movement. That needs to change.
