[quote=Blogstar]No one legit would think a 100% belonged to them after years of shared effort at family. People might try to start negotiations from there but that’s absurd. I can’t imagine getting a concept like that in ones head.
I tend to think that even if the SAHP brought assets and the working stiff didn’t the working stiff is catching up. Even if net worth fell from time of marriage. Maybe I don’t value the home making enough…I value it a lot, but 100%? In any case, it ceases to be anything like 100% from day one in typical households. Even in your case, who would believe that 100% belonged to them? Only and entitled infantile person.
I have heard a few women think that having babies makes them own 100%…hell some think that having a vagina makes them own 100% and I guess the opposite could be said too.
At this point I think it would have been better to trust a hell of a lot more. Hard to estimate how much fear costs.
Funny , there are a few families in our circles where neither parent works. One is a late 40’s 50ish couple…they live in two countries and their lives are a bit different I guess but really nice and down to earth…they volunteer a lot at the public school when their kids were there and even when not. There was none of that where I come from…though, now I can see it really doesn’t take that much money to do that if you want to. More than I have by far.
The money really could easily be the least of trouble. If you really want to be serious about loathing the idea , concentrate on all the other ways a bad marriage and divorce after children could be hell. How bad would you feel if the other parent dumped their affection for the kids or jerked everyone around constantly? Stalking anyone? OMG![/quote]
I think you missed my point. In most marriages, people don’t actively think about to whom the assets belong. The family home is the family home (or whatever the assets are), and both people think of it as theirs. In most marriages I’m aware of, they are not thinking, “Oh, this isn’t really my house, only half of it is (or some fraction thereof). For as long as the marriage works, all of the assets are available to both partners (in most cases). But when you divorce, there is the cold realization that you don’t own as much as you thought you did…for both spouses.
Yes, you underestimate what many primary SAHPs do. 🙂 And in the same way that men perceive that all the money belongs to them because “they make it,” many women think that the children belong to them because “they make them,” and often care for them full-time. And there’s the issue of biological value for women — not only the physical act of childbearing and nursing, but the fact that they are very limited in how many they can have, and over what period of time. Limitations that men don’t have, which makes every child much more valuable, biologically, to women. IMO, that’s why mothers are often admonishing their kids to “be careful,” while the dads are often encouraging them to take more risks.
And your last paragraph happens all too often, IMHO. Too many divorced parents are hyper-focused on “moving on,” so neglect their parenting duties in favor of pursuing new romantic interests, or focusing more on work.
Really, I think that anyone who isn’t hell-bent on putting 1,000% into making their marriage a lifelong commitment shouldn’t get married. Too many risks for both parties.
