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carli
ParticipantFLU,
We live in Del Mar, and our kids don’t have that stuff. Yes, there’s tremendous pressure to buy, buy, buy, and have the latest and greatest stuff, but the pressure is only effective if we allow it to be. We do our best to ignore it and stay true to our own values and way of life. Obviously, we’re not immune to the pressure entirely (otherwise, this thread wouldn’t have hit home with me!)…it’s always a balancing act and a bit of a struggle.
For example, our 8th grader is mortified that she has the free flip phone that we got when we added her to our cellphone plan a year ago. Getting her the phone was more for our convenience than hers and there was no way we were going to actually spend money to get her a fancier phone than Verizon gave us for free. She also (horrors!) does not have a text plan…how old-fashioned of us! We will renegotiate that decision with her next year for high school, but for now, we don’t see the need for an 8th grader to be text messaging along with emailing and chatting on the phone…no, we’re not as mean as we sound, but we try to set our own boundaries. Believe it or not, she’s generally a happy, popular kid.
Still, we are out of the norm for our area and among her friends. We try to keep true to our beliefs, but we really don’t want to cop some holier-than-thou attitude about our way of parenting. It’s hard to understand how other parents don’t get the connection between giving their kids all this stuff and seeing that their kids later feel so entitled, but c’est la vie. The irony is that while these parents feel they are “giving” their kids so much, they are probably doing them a big disservice, the results of which will show up later when their kids are, at some point, forced to cope in the real world.
By the way, what is this thing with CV high schools expecting laptops? Sounds like something else that we’ll find out when our daughter attends next year!
ParticipantFLU,
We live in Del Mar, and our kids don’t have that stuff. Yes, there’s tremendous pressure to buy, buy, buy, and have the latest and greatest stuff, but the pressure is only effective if we allow it to be. We do our best to ignore it and stay true to our own values and way of life. Obviously, we’re not immune to the pressure entirely (otherwise, this thread wouldn’t have hit home with me!)…it’s always a balancing act and a bit of a struggle.
For example, our 8th grader is mortified that she has the free flip phone that we got when we added her to our cellphone plan a year ago. Getting her the phone was more for our convenience than hers and there was no way we were going to actually spend money to get her a fancier phone than Verizon gave us for free. She also (horrors!) does not have a text plan…how old-fashioned of us! We will renegotiate that decision with her next year for high school, but for now, we don’t see the need for an 8th grader to be text messaging along with emailing and chatting on the phone…no, we’re not as mean as we sound, but we try to set our own boundaries. Believe it or not, she’s generally a happy, popular kid.
Still, we are out of the norm for our area and among her friends. We try to keep true to our beliefs, but we really don’t want to cop some holier-than-thou attitude about our way of parenting. It’s hard to understand how other parents don’t get the connection between giving their kids all this stuff and seeing that their kids later feel so entitled, but c’est la vie. The irony is that while these parents feel they are “giving” their kids so much, they are probably doing them a big disservice, the results of which will show up later when their kids are, at some point, forced to cope in the real world.
By the way, what is this thing with CV high schools expecting laptops? Sounds like something else that we’ll find out when our daughter attends next year!
ParticipantFLU,
We live in Del Mar, and our kids don’t have that stuff. Yes, there’s tremendous pressure to buy, buy, buy, and have the latest and greatest stuff, but the pressure is only effective if we allow it to be. We do our best to ignore it and stay true to our own values and way of life. Obviously, we’re not immune to the pressure entirely (otherwise, this thread wouldn’t have hit home with me!)…it’s always a balancing act and a bit of a struggle.
For example, our 8th grader is mortified that she has the free flip phone that we got when we added her to our cellphone plan a year ago. Getting her the phone was more for our convenience than hers and there was no way we were going to actually spend money to get her a fancier phone than Verizon gave us for free. She also (horrors!) does not have a text plan…how old-fashioned of us! We will renegotiate that decision with her next year for high school, but for now, we don’t see the need for an 8th grader to be text messaging along with emailing and chatting on the phone…no, we’re not as mean as we sound, but we try to set our own boundaries. Believe it or not, she’s generally a happy, popular kid.
Still, we are out of the norm for our area and among her friends. We try to keep true to our beliefs, but we really don’t want to cop some holier-than-thou attitude about our way of parenting. It’s hard to understand how other parents don’t get the connection between giving their kids all this stuff and seeing that their kids later feel so entitled, but c’est la vie. The irony is that while these parents feel they are “giving” their kids so much, they are probably doing them a big disservice, the results of which will show up later when their kids are, at some point, forced to cope in the real world.
By the way, what is this thing with CV high schools expecting laptops? Sounds like something else that we’ll find out when our daughter attends next year!
ParticipantFLU,
We live in Del Mar, and our kids don’t have that stuff. Yes, there’s tremendous pressure to buy, buy, buy, and have the latest and greatest stuff, but the pressure is only effective if we allow it to be. We do our best to ignore it and stay true to our own values and way of life. Obviously, we’re not immune to the pressure entirely (otherwise, this thread wouldn’t have hit home with me!)…it’s always a balancing act and a bit of a struggle.
For example, our 8th grader is mortified that she has the free flip phone that we got when we added her to our cellphone plan a year ago. Getting her the phone was more for our convenience than hers and there was no way we were going to actually spend money to get her a fancier phone than Verizon gave us for free. She also (horrors!) does not have a text plan…how old-fashioned of us! We will renegotiate that decision with her next year for high school, but for now, we don’t see the need for an 8th grader to be text messaging along with emailing and chatting on the phone…no, we’re not as mean as we sound, but we try to set our own boundaries. Believe it or not, she’s generally a happy, popular kid.
Still, we are out of the norm for our area and among her friends. We try to keep true to our beliefs, but we really don’t want to cop some holier-than-thou attitude about our way of parenting. It’s hard to understand how other parents don’t get the connection between giving their kids all this stuff and seeing that their kids later feel so entitled, but c’est la vie. The irony is that while these parents feel they are “giving” their kids so much, they are probably doing them a big disservice, the results of which will show up later when their kids are, at some point, forced to cope in the real world.
By the way, what is this thing with CV high schools expecting laptops? Sounds like something else that we’ll find out when our daughter attends next year!
ParticipantFLU,
We live in Del Mar, and our kids don’t have that stuff. Yes, there’s tremendous pressure to buy, buy, buy, and have the latest and greatest stuff, but the pressure is only effective if we allow it to be. We do our best to ignore it and stay true to our own values and way of life. Obviously, we’re not immune to the pressure entirely (otherwise, this thread wouldn’t have hit home with me!)…it’s always a balancing act and a bit of a struggle.
For example, our 8th grader is mortified that she has the free flip phone that we got when we added her to our cellphone plan a year ago. Getting her the phone was more for our convenience than hers and there was no way we were going to actually spend money to get her a fancier phone than Verizon gave us for free. She also (horrors!) does not have a text plan…how old-fashioned of us! We will renegotiate that decision with her next year for high school, but for now, we don’t see the need for an 8th grader to be text messaging along with emailing and chatting on the phone…no, we’re not as mean as we sound, but we try to set our own boundaries. Believe it or not, she’s generally a happy, popular kid.
Still, we are out of the norm for our area and among her friends. We try to keep true to our beliefs, but we really don’t want to cop some holier-than-thou attitude about our way of parenting. It’s hard to understand how other parents don’t get the connection between giving their kids all this stuff and seeing that their kids later feel so entitled, but c’est la vie. The irony is that while these parents feel they are “giving” their kids so much, they are probably doing them a big disservice, the results of which will show up later when their kids are, at some point, forced to cope in the real world.
By the way, what is this thing with CV high schools expecting laptops? Sounds like something else that we’ll find out when our daughter attends next year!
Participantdharmagirl,
You are absolutely right that the difference is now kids feel ENTITLED to this stuff! It baffles me. That story about $28 shampoo epitomizes the issue.
I remember that when we moved into our neighborhood about 5 years ago, we were introduced to some neighbors and their 15-year-old son, and I said something like, “oh, great, it’s good to know that there’s a teenager in the neighborhood…maybe we can hire you to water our plants and pick up the mail when we go away.” This suggestion was met with complete silence and a blank stare, and when I looked back on the conversation, I felt so stupid and out of touch! I realized that this kid has no intention of ever doing a menial job like that, nor do many kids his age.
I hate to keep saying, “when I was a kid…”, but WHEN I WAS A KID, I would’ve tripped over both my sisters trying to get a job like bringing in the mail for the neighbors or watering plants. Anything like that was great for making a few easy bucks! This kid, who now at age 20 drives a new SUV (that mom and dad probably bought for him), still probably doesn’t stoop so low as to have some silly summer job, making his own money, and why would he when it’s handed to him by mom and dad, plus he can get whatever else he wants on his (or perhaps their) credit cards.
When did everything become so out of whack?
Participantdharmagirl,
You are absolutely right that the difference is now kids feel ENTITLED to this stuff! It baffles me. That story about $28 shampoo epitomizes the issue.
I remember that when we moved into our neighborhood about 5 years ago, we were introduced to some neighbors and their 15-year-old son, and I said something like, “oh, great, it’s good to know that there’s a teenager in the neighborhood…maybe we can hire you to water our plants and pick up the mail when we go away.” This suggestion was met with complete silence and a blank stare, and when I looked back on the conversation, I felt so stupid and out of touch! I realized that this kid has no intention of ever doing a menial job like that, nor do many kids his age.
I hate to keep saying, “when I was a kid…”, but WHEN I WAS A KID, I would’ve tripped over both my sisters trying to get a job like bringing in the mail for the neighbors or watering plants. Anything like that was great for making a few easy bucks! This kid, who now at age 20 drives a new SUV (that mom and dad probably bought for him), still probably doesn’t stoop so low as to have some silly summer job, making his own money, and why would he when it’s handed to him by mom and dad, plus he can get whatever else he wants on his (or perhaps their) credit cards.
When did everything become so out of whack?
Participantdharmagirl,
You are absolutely right that the difference is now kids feel ENTITLED to this stuff! It baffles me. That story about $28 shampoo epitomizes the issue.
I remember that when we moved into our neighborhood about 5 years ago, we were introduced to some neighbors and their 15-year-old son, and I said something like, “oh, great, it’s good to know that there’s a teenager in the neighborhood…maybe we can hire you to water our plants and pick up the mail when we go away.” This suggestion was met with complete silence and a blank stare, and when I looked back on the conversation, I felt so stupid and out of touch! I realized that this kid has no intention of ever doing a menial job like that, nor do many kids his age.
I hate to keep saying, “when I was a kid…”, but WHEN I WAS A KID, I would’ve tripped over both my sisters trying to get a job like bringing in the mail for the neighbors or watering plants. Anything like that was great for making a few easy bucks! This kid, who now at age 20 drives a new SUV (that mom and dad probably bought for him), still probably doesn’t stoop so low as to have some silly summer job, making his own money, and why would he when it’s handed to him by mom and dad, plus he can get whatever else he wants on his (or perhaps their) credit cards.
When did everything become so out of whack?
Participantdharmagirl,
You are absolutely right that the difference is now kids feel ENTITLED to this stuff! It baffles me. That story about $28 shampoo epitomizes the issue.
I remember that when we moved into our neighborhood about 5 years ago, we were introduced to some neighbors and their 15-year-old son, and I said something like, “oh, great, it’s good to know that there’s a teenager in the neighborhood…maybe we can hire you to water our plants and pick up the mail when we go away.” This suggestion was met with complete silence and a blank stare, and when I looked back on the conversation, I felt so stupid and out of touch! I realized that this kid has no intention of ever doing a menial job like that, nor do many kids his age.
I hate to keep saying, “when I was a kid…”, but WHEN I WAS A KID, I would’ve tripped over both my sisters trying to get a job like bringing in the mail for the neighbors or watering plants. Anything like that was great for making a few easy bucks! This kid, who now at age 20 drives a new SUV (that mom and dad probably bought for him), still probably doesn’t stoop so low as to have some silly summer job, making his own money, and why would he when it’s handed to him by mom and dad, plus he can get whatever else he wants on his (or perhaps their) credit cards.
When did everything become so out of whack?
Participantdharmagirl,
You are absolutely right that the difference is now kids feel ENTITLED to this stuff! It baffles me. That story about $28 shampoo epitomizes the issue.
I remember that when we moved into our neighborhood about 5 years ago, we were introduced to some neighbors and their 15-year-old son, and I said something like, “oh, great, it’s good to know that there’s a teenager in the neighborhood…maybe we can hire you to water our plants and pick up the mail when we go away.” This suggestion was met with complete silence and a blank stare, and when I looked back on the conversation, I felt so stupid and out of touch! I realized that this kid has no intention of ever doing a menial job like that, nor do many kids his age.
I hate to keep saying, “when I was a kid…”, but WHEN I WAS A KID, I would’ve tripped over both my sisters trying to get a job like bringing in the mail for the neighbors or watering plants. Anything like that was great for making a few easy bucks! This kid, who now at age 20 drives a new SUV (that mom and dad probably bought for him), still probably doesn’t stoop so low as to have some silly summer job, making his own money, and why would he when it’s handed to him by mom and dad, plus he can get whatever else he wants on his (or perhaps their) credit cards.
When did everything become so out of whack?
ParticipantWe have a 3rd grader and an 8th grader and have yet to see the schools (Del Mar Union and San Dieguito Union H.S. districts) teach anything about how to deal with money matters. I agree that it would be a great idea, and is a critical life skill. I’m hoping that when our oldest starts high school next year, she’ll run into something about management of finances within her four years of high school, but I’m not too optimistic.
In the meantime, we’re not waiting for anyone else to teach her.
I grew up in an upper-middle class east coast family where talk of money was somewhat tabboo and considered tacky. I never had a clue about how to manage finances and had to learn the hard way when I had a similar experience to the original poster. When I went off to college, my dad deposited my spending money into a checking account, gave me a checkbook (okay, I’m dating myself…this was in 1980 before kids used credit cards). Although I intellectually understood that it was not possible to get more money out of the account by writing checks in excess of the balance, I still did it…I, too, lived for a short while in blissful ignorance, stuffing my unopened bank statements in a drawer somewhere until I got into major hot water with not only my dad but also several stores where I had written bad checks. It took me a few other missteps with newly ordered credit cards soon after I landed my first job before I truly learned my lesson.
I think what finally helped me become more aware and careful of my finances was that I started working insanely crazy and difficult hours in a very intense and competitive career in NYC…in the beginning, I wasn’t making much money at all yet was surrounded by people who were. I was scraping by to make rent and buy food and began to have this “me against the world” kind of survival mentality about it all. It all felt so difficult, but in a way, it was also a great feeling because it was my first true feeling of being empowered, knowing that my success, financially and otherwise, was solely up to me. I’m sure others here had a similar realization early on, but it took me until my late-20’s to really “get it” and I wish somehow I could magically instill in my kids that knowledge that it’s up to them and them alone to really make it in the world, and that successful money management is a big part of making it – obviously, there are many other important core values/skills, but that’s one that will truly help them feel empowered and secure in the real world.
As a result of my early missteps, I became almost paranoid (in a healthy way) about spending money and not having enough. After a few years, I started moving up the corporate ladder and when I finally was making big bucks, and could afford to spend pretty freely, I realized how hard it had been to make all that money and I didn’t want to let go of it so easily….also, I still had/have that healthy paranoia and memories of not having enough and screwing up with credit cards. As it turns out, I realized that watching my savings grow brought me far more satisfaction than most material stuff. I also realized that things that bring me the most joy don’t cost money anyway (totally hokey but true).
In contrast, my husband learned his lessons early and they stuck with him. He paid his way through college, even though his parents were well off (his father believed that kids shouldn’t even get an allowance so my husband always earned his own spending money). As a result, he valued his money and managed it extremely well throughout his entire life, probably because it was never handed to him as casually as mine was in the early years. He’s not cheap, but he’s definitely thrifty, as I am. We don’t buy stuff, even though we can comfortably afford to buy whatever we want, and we truly do question every purchase…most of the time, we won’t miss the material things we think we want.
Back to the kids…it is tough to teach them because if we lecture about money, it comes out like “blah, blah, blah” and they won’t get it anyway. Still, we don’t want to avoid discussing it because that doesn’t work either. So, we try to not only freely express our values as they relate to money but also make sure that we show by example. We don’t harp on it, but we do let them know that we work hard to be able to live in this wonderful area, have the things we choose to buy, the trips we’re able to take, etc, etc.
We also do a few other things like we’ll match any money that the kids choose to put into their savings accounts. It’s always a dilemma when they either earn or are given a chunk of money as a b’day gift. For example, our older daughter had $50 from babysitting and she realized that she could make it $100 by putting it in her bank account or spend the $50 on random stuff. Hard call for her, but it will hopefully show the benefits of saving.
It’s tough because most of the other kids she goes to school with are given most of what they have and never have to earn it…and these are not small ticket items! Many, many of the kids in 8th grade these days have Blackberries, iPhones, designer sunglasses, $200 jeans, etc, etc, etc. I don’t know if the parents can afford it or not (I imagine most of them can), but still – WHY would they do that?? If our daughter needs jeans, she’s not getting $200 jeans. If she needs sunglasses, we’re not getting Chanel sunglasses. It floors me that most of these kids have this stuff! We can definitely easily afford these things, but we choose not to use our money that way. It’s very difficult for her (and sometimes for us, on her behalf) to resist succumbing to the pressure. Believe me, I do not want my daughter to be the oddball whose parents go overboard by depriving her of any cool stuff. We do buy her her fair share of cool things as gifts on birthdays and holidays, but the amount of material junk these kids amass today is staggering. And then, if they have older siblings, these kids are getting cars and pickup trucks for their 16th birthdays. I always thought that the brand new BMW on the 16th b’day was somewhat of a SoCal myth, but now that I have a child approaching that age, I’ve seen it happen myself. How do we expect these kids to understand the value of money by doing something like that?
Okay, I’ll stop my rant but as you can see, this discussion hit home for me because we grapple with it frequently. The question of how best to prepare our kids for the financial realities of the world is a tough one, and one I also wish the schools would help address.
ParticipantWe have a 3rd grader and an 8th grader and have yet to see the schools (Del Mar Union and San Dieguito Union H.S. districts) teach anything about how to deal with money matters. I agree that it would be a great idea, and is a critical life skill. I’m hoping that when our oldest starts high school next year, she’ll run into something about management of finances within her four years of high school, but I’m not too optimistic.
In the meantime, we’re not waiting for anyone else to teach her.
I grew up in an upper-middle class east coast family where talk of money was somewhat tabboo and considered tacky. I never had a clue about how to manage finances and had to learn the hard way when I had a similar experience to the original poster. When I went off to college, my dad deposited my spending money into a checking account, gave me a checkbook (okay, I’m dating myself…this was in 1980 before kids used credit cards). Although I intellectually understood that it was not possible to get more money out of the account by writing checks in excess of the balance, I still did it…I, too, lived for a short while in blissful ignorance, stuffing my unopened bank statements in a drawer somewhere until I got into major hot water with not only my dad but also several stores where I had written bad checks. It took me a few other missteps with newly ordered credit cards soon after I landed my first job before I truly learned my lesson.
I think what finally helped me become more aware and careful of my finances was that I started working insanely crazy and difficult hours in a very intense and competitive career in NYC…in the beginning, I wasn’t making much money at all yet was surrounded by people who were. I was scraping by to make rent and buy food and began to have this “me against the world” kind of survival mentality about it all. It all felt so difficult, but in a way, it was also a great feeling because it was my first true feeling of being empowered, knowing that my success, financially and otherwise, was solely up to me. I’m sure others here had a similar realization early on, but it took me until my late-20’s to really “get it” and I wish somehow I could magically instill in my kids that knowledge that it’s up to them and them alone to really make it in the world, and that successful money management is a big part of making it – obviously, there are many other important core values/skills, but that’s one that will truly help them feel empowered and secure in the real world.
As a result of my early missteps, I became almost paranoid (in a healthy way) about spending money and not having enough. After a few years, I started moving up the corporate ladder and when I finally was making big bucks, and could afford to spend pretty freely, I realized how hard it had been to make all that money and I didn’t want to let go of it so easily….also, I still had/have that healthy paranoia and memories of not having enough and screwing up with credit cards. As it turns out, I realized that watching my savings grow brought me far more satisfaction than most material stuff. I also realized that things that bring me the most joy don’t cost money anyway (totally hokey but true).
In contrast, my husband learned his lessons early and they stuck with him. He paid his way through college, even though his parents were well off (his father believed that kids shouldn’t even get an allowance so my husband always earned his own spending money). As a result, he valued his money and managed it extremely well throughout his entire life, probably because it was never handed to him as casually as mine was in the early years. He’s not cheap, but he’s definitely thrifty, as I am. We don’t buy stuff, even though we can comfortably afford to buy whatever we want, and we truly do question every purchase…most of the time, we won’t miss the material things we think we want.
Back to the kids…it is tough to teach them because if we lecture about money, it comes out like “blah, blah, blah” and they won’t get it anyway. Still, we don’t want to avoid discussing it because that doesn’t work either. So, we try to not only freely express our values as they relate to money but also make sure that we show by example. We don’t harp on it, but we do let them know that we work hard to be able to live in this wonderful area, have the things we choose to buy, the trips we’re able to take, etc, etc.
We also do a few other things like we’ll match any money that the kids choose to put into their savings accounts. It’s always a dilemma when they either earn or are given a chunk of money as a b’day gift. For example, our older daughter had $50 from babysitting and she realized that she could make it $100 by putting it in her bank account or spend the $50 on random stuff. Hard call for her, but it will hopefully show the benefits of saving.
It’s tough because most of the other kids she goes to school with are given most of what they have and never have to earn it…and these are not small ticket items! Many, many of the kids in 8th grade these days have Blackberries, iPhones, designer sunglasses, $200 jeans, etc, etc, etc. I don’t know if the parents can afford it or not (I imagine most of them can), but still – WHY would they do that?? If our daughter needs jeans, she’s not getting $200 jeans. If she needs sunglasses, we’re not getting Chanel sunglasses. It floors me that most of these kids have this stuff! We can definitely easily afford these things, but we choose not to use our money that way. It’s very difficult for her (and sometimes for us, on her behalf) to resist succumbing to the pressure. Believe me, I do not want my daughter to be the oddball whose parents go overboard by depriving her of any cool stuff. We do buy her her fair share of cool things as gifts on birthdays and holidays, but the amount of material junk these kids amass today is staggering. And then, if they have older siblings, these kids are getting cars and pickup trucks for their 16th birthdays. I always thought that the brand new BMW on the 16th b’day was somewhat of a SoCal myth, but now that I have a child approaching that age, I’ve seen it happen myself. How do we expect these kids to understand the value of money by doing something like that?
Okay, I’ll stop my rant but as you can see, this discussion hit home for me because we grapple with it frequently. The question of how best to prepare our kids for the financial realities of the world is a tough one, and one I also wish the schools would help address.
ParticipantWe have a 3rd grader and an 8th grader and have yet to see the schools (Del Mar Union and San Dieguito Union H.S. districts) teach anything about how to deal with money matters. I agree that it would be a great idea, and is a critical life skill. I’m hoping that when our oldest starts high school next year, she’ll run into something about management of finances within her four years of high school, but I’m not too optimistic.
In the meantime, we’re not waiting for anyone else to teach her.
I grew up in an upper-middle class east coast family where talk of money was somewhat tabboo and considered tacky. I never had a clue about how to manage finances and had to learn the hard way when I had a similar experience to the original poster. When I went off to college, my dad deposited my spending money into a checking account, gave me a checkbook (okay, I’m dating myself…this was in 1980 before kids used credit cards). Although I intellectually understood that it was not possible to get more money out of the account by writing checks in excess of the balance, I still did it…I, too, lived for a short while in blissful ignorance, stuffing my unopened bank statements in a drawer somewhere until I got into major hot water with not only my dad but also several stores where I had written bad checks. It took me a few other missteps with newly ordered credit cards soon after I landed my first job before I truly learned my lesson.
I think what finally helped me become more aware and careful of my finances was that I started working insanely crazy and difficult hours in a very intense and competitive career in NYC…in the beginning, I wasn’t making much money at all yet was surrounded by people who were. I was scraping by to make rent and buy food and began to have this “me against the world” kind of survival mentality about it all. It all felt so difficult, but in a way, it was also a great feeling because it was my first true feeling of being empowered, knowing that my success, financially and otherwise, was solely up to me. I’m sure others here had a similar realization early on, but it took me until my late-20’s to really “get it” and I wish somehow I could magically instill in my kids that knowledge that it’s up to them and them alone to really make it in the world, and that successful money management is a big part of making it – obviously, there are many other important core values/skills, but that’s one that will truly help them feel empowered and secure in the real world.
As a result of my early missteps, I became almost paranoid (in a healthy way) about spending money and not having enough. After a few years, I started moving up the corporate ladder and when I finally was making big bucks, and could afford to spend pretty freely, I realized how hard it had been to make all that money and I didn’t want to let go of it so easily….also, I still had/have that healthy paranoia and memories of not having enough and screwing up with credit cards. As it turns out, I realized that watching my savings grow brought me far more satisfaction than most material stuff. I also realized that things that bring me the most joy don’t cost money anyway (totally hokey but true).
In contrast, my husband learned his lessons early and they stuck with him. He paid his way through college, even though his parents were well off (his father believed that kids shouldn’t even get an allowance so my husband always earned his own spending money). As a result, he valued his money and managed it extremely well throughout his entire life, probably because it was never handed to him as casually as mine was in the early years. He’s not cheap, but he’s definitely thrifty, as I am. We don’t buy stuff, even though we can comfortably afford to buy whatever we want, and we truly do question every purchase…most of the time, we won’t miss the material things we think we want.
Back to the kids…it is tough to teach them because if we lecture about money, it comes out like “blah, blah, blah” and they won’t get it anyway. Still, we don’t want to avoid discussing it because that doesn’t work either. So, we try to not only freely express our values as they relate to money but also make sure that we show by example. We don’t harp on it, but we do let them know that we work hard to be able to live in this wonderful area, have the things we choose to buy, the trips we’re able to take, etc, etc.
We also do a few other things like we’ll match any money that the kids choose to put into their savings accounts. It’s always a dilemma when they either earn or are given a chunk of money as a b’day gift. For example, our older daughter had $50 from babysitting and she realized that she could make it $100 by putting it in her bank account or spend the $50 on random stuff. Hard call for her, but it will hopefully show the benefits of saving.
It’s tough because most of the other kids she goes to school with are given most of what they have and never have to earn it…and these are not small ticket items! Many, many of the kids in 8th grade these days have Blackberries, iPhones, designer sunglasses, $200 jeans, etc, etc, etc. I don’t know if the parents can afford it or not (I imagine most of them can), but still – WHY would they do that?? If our daughter needs jeans, she’s not getting $200 jeans. If she needs sunglasses, we’re not getting Chanel sunglasses. It floors me that most of these kids have this stuff! We can definitely easily afford these things, but we choose not to use our money that way. It’s very difficult for her (and sometimes for us, on her behalf) to resist succumbing to the pressure. Believe me, I do not want my daughter to be the oddball whose parents go overboard by depriving her of any cool stuff. We do buy her her fair share of cool things as gifts on birthdays and holidays, but the amount of material junk these kids amass today is staggering. And then, if they have older siblings, these kids are getting cars and pickup trucks for their 16th birthdays. I always thought that the brand new BMW on the 16th b’day was somewhat of a SoCal myth, but now that I have a child approaching that age, I’ve seen it happen myself. How do we expect these kids to understand the value of money by doing something like that?
Okay, I’ll stop my rant but as you can see, this discussion hit home for me because we grapple with it frequently. The question of how best to prepare our kids for the financial realities of the world is a tough one, and one I also wish the schools would help address.
ParticipantWe have a 3rd grader and an 8th grader and have yet to see the schools (Del Mar Union and San Dieguito Union H.S. districts) teach anything about how to deal with money matters. I agree that it would be a great idea, and is a critical life skill. I’m hoping that when our oldest starts high school next year, she’ll run into something about management of finances within her four years of high school, but I’m not too optimistic.
In the meantime, we’re not waiting for anyone else to teach her.
I grew up in an upper-middle class east coast family where talk of money was somewhat tabboo and considered tacky. I never had a clue about how to manage finances and had to learn the hard way when I had a similar experience to the original poster. When I went off to college, my dad deposited my spending money into a checking account, gave me a checkbook (okay, I’m dating myself…this was in 1980 before kids used credit cards). Although I intellectually understood that it was not possible to get more money out of the account by writing checks in excess of the balance, I still did it…I, too, lived for a short while in blissful ignorance, stuffing my unopened bank statements in a drawer somewhere until I got into major hot water with not only my dad but also several stores where I had written bad checks. It took me a few other missteps with newly ordered credit cards soon after I landed my first job before I truly learned my lesson.
I think what finally helped me become more aware and careful of my finances was that I started working insanely crazy and difficult hours in a very intense and competitive career in NYC…in the beginning, I wasn’t making much money at all yet was surrounded by people who were. I was scraping by to make rent and buy food and began to have this “me against the world” kind of survival mentality about it all. It all felt so difficult, but in a way, it was also a great feeling because it was my first true feeling of being empowered, knowing that my success, financially and otherwise, was solely up to me. I’m sure others here had a similar realization early on, but it took me until my late-20’s to really “get it” and I wish somehow I could magically instill in my kids that knowledge that it’s up to them and them alone to really make it in the world, and that successful money management is a big part of making it – obviously, there are many other important core values/skills, but that’s one that will truly help them feel empowered and secure in the real world.
As a result of my early missteps, I became almost paranoid (in a healthy way) about spending money and not having enough. After a few years, I started moving up the corporate ladder and when I finally was making big bucks, and could afford to spend pretty freely, I realized how hard it had been to make all that money and I didn’t want to let go of it so easily….also, I still had/have that healthy paranoia and memories of not having enough and screwing up with credit cards. As it turns out, I realized that watching my savings grow brought me far more satisfaction than most material stuff. I also realized that things that bring me the most joy don’t cost money anyway (totally hokey but true).
In contrast, my husband learned his lessons early and they stuck with him. He paid his way through college, even though his parents were well off (his father believed that kids shouldn’t even get an allowance so my husband always earned his own spending money). As a result, he valued his money and managed it extremely well throughout his entire life, probably because it was never handed to him as casually as mine was in the early years. He’s not cheap, but he’s definitely thrifty, as I am. We don’t buy stuff, even though we can comfortably afford to buy whatever we want, and we truly do question every purchase…most of the time, we won’t miss the material things we think we want.
Back to the kids…it is tough to teach them because if we lecture about money, it comes out like “blah, blah, blah” and they won’t get it anyway. Still, we don’t want to avoid discussing it because that doesn’t work either. So, we try to not only freely express our values as they relate to money but also make sure that we show by example. We don’t harp on it, but we do let them know that we work hard to be able to live in this wonderful area, have the things we choose to buy, the trips we’re able to take, etc, etc.
We also do a few other things like we’ll match any money that the kids choose to put into their savings accounts. It’s always a dilemma when they either earn or are given a chunk of money as a b’day gift. For example, our older daughter had $50 from babysitting and she realized that she could make it $100 by putting it in her bank account or spend the $50 on random stuff. Hard call for her, but it will hopefully show the benefits of saving.
It’s tough because most of the other kids she goes to school with are given most of what they have and never have to earn it…and these are not small ticket items! Many, many of the kids in 8th grade these days have Blackberries, iPhones, designer sunglasses, $200 jeans, etc, etc, etc. I don’t know if the parents can afford it or not (I imagine most of them can), but still – WHY would they do that?? If our daughter needs jeans, she’s not getting $200 jeans. If she needs sunglasses, we’re not getting Chanel sunglasses. It floors me that most of these kids have this stuff! We can definitely easily afford these things, but we choose not to use our money that way. It’s very difficult for her (and sometimes for us, on her behalf) to resist succumbing to the pressure. Believe me, I do not want my daughter to be the oddball whose parents go overboard by depriving her of any cool stuff. We do buy her her fair share of cool things as gifts on birthdays and holidays, but the amount of material junk these kids amass today is staggering. And then, if they have older siblings, these kids are getting cars and pickup trucks for their 16th birthdays. I always thought that the brand new BMW on the 16th b’day was somewhat of a SoCal myth, but now that I have a child approaching that age, I’ve seen it happen myself. How do we expect these kids to understand the value of money by doing something like that?
Okay, I’ll stop my rant but as you can see, this discussion hit home for me because we grapple with it frequently. The question of how best to prepare our kids for the financial realities of the world is a tough one, and one I also wish the schools would help address.
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