Reverse Mortgages

[Raybyrnes]

I believe the Reverse Mortgage has a pretty high fixed fee in the front so if you were going to go this route it MAY strategically make sense to simply max the thing out and get the cash. If the house is old and you brother is bad with finances you will probably be the one at the time of death with the option to buy the house.

SAfe Harbor
VERY LIMITED understanding of finance and family dynamic

[eavesdropper]

[quote=bearishgurl][quote=toots]Thanks to everyone for their advice, I really appreciate the information.

I am a little stressed out about this because I don’t know exactly what my mother’s finances are BUT it’s time for her and my brother to tell me the truth. He didn’t worry about the shape of her house until he lost his and moved in with mom. I didn’t really want to say that but it’s silly for me to be embarrassed. I am not inclined to take his financial advice considering he’s on his second bankruptcy in 15 years. The only reason I know about the 1st bankruptcy is my dad bailed him out and put it in his will to subtract the amount from my brother’s inheritance(he died 10 years ago and I was given a copy of his will; maybe that’s why my mom has no savings). My brother is executor. My dad must have turned a few times in his grave.

He tells me all the repairs will cost in the 20 30K range (not just the roof). I just got off the phone with a good friend who owns several properties in San Francisco, and she said DO NOT do a RM. She recommends an equity line of credit, but said they are hard to get these days.

I was searching online for programs for seniors; my mom has no debt, the mortgage was paid off when I was in high school and she has a modest income (pension/SS). I told my brother not to do anything until we’ve considered all options. The roof has been leaking a long time from what I can tell, it can leak a little longer.[/quote]

toots, an equity line of credit is the same as a HELOC. You need to find out if your mom has given your brother a power of attorney and a whole bunch of other information. Is there a third party in the area who can oversee the purchase of materials and supervise labor for the repairs?

If your mom gets an RM or HELOC and your brother is in the house, given his history, he may find a way to go thru the $$ and NOT apply it to repairs, exposing your mom to foreclosure. Just being blunt here . . . I’ve seen a lot of things…..I would make a trip back there and get your mom to an attorney and have the attorney give you copies of everything and make an agreement with the attorney to inform you if your mom comes in later to revise her estate planning. I would do this EVEN IF I HAD THE HIRE THE ATTY MYSELF AND DRIVE HER THERE!….Not trying to overdramatize things here, just emphasize that you need to know exactly what is going on. I think your telling them to do nothing right now was smart. Hopefully, your brother will not be able to convince your mom otherwise until you can get there and assess everything for yourself.[/quote]

toots, bearishgurl and others here are right on the money. i fully understand how difficult this is: I’m in the same boat, and have a dimwitted, perpetually insolvent brother giving my mom “financial advice”, including taking out a reverse mortgage. I also do not live close by, which does complicate things enormously. But I’d get to your mom’s house as soon as possible, consult an attorney, and make sure that your mom has not signed anything over to your brother. Her local senior services office may be able to direct you to experts who are well-versed in the financial problems of senior citizens. The local district attorney may have programs that can assist you in identifying signs of fraud, and in providing information on scams that target seniors.

If your mom has already made your brother executor of her estate with power of attorney, you may not be able to change her mind. But you may have to be brutally honest with her, and paint a picture of what could happen if she continues to trust him (i.e., house could be sold from under her, she could end up in a seriously substandard nursing home, etc.)

If your mom needs money for living expenses, and for paying annual property taxes (as my mother does), in addition to the home repairs, the RM may be the way to go. If you go with the HELOC, read all the fine print, and (as someone else on this thread advised) make sure that there are adequate assets to make the payment each month, or you could find out, after the fact, that the property has been sold out from under your mom. No matter what, I would sit down and make up a ten-year plan with budget, to see if the up-front costs of a RM are worthwhile, or if the HELOC will be adequate for your mom’s needs.

And I don’t know whether it’s an option, but if you can forget about the “inheritance” aspect, and just concentrate on working out how your mom is going to live for the remainder of her days on the assets she has, it may make it less complicated for you. Make sure that you include a variety of scenarios, such as what happens if your mother suffers a broken hip that requires skilled nursing care for 2 or 3 months as opposed to an incapacitating stroke that could rapidly eat up all her assets (I wouldn’t count on your brother providing in-home care, no matter what he says). Also, find out what your mother’s state rules are regarding tapping into the assets of her children to pay for her care, and also her assets.

Best of luck to you. Your instincts are spot-on: don’t trust your brother.

[eavesdropper]

[quote=bearishgurl][quote=toots]Thanks to everyone for their advice, I really appreciate the information.

I am a little stressed out about this because I don’t know exactly what my mother’s finances are BUT it’s time for her and my brother to tell me the truth. He didn’t worry about the shape of her house until he lost his and moved in with mom. I didn’t really want to say that but it’s silly for me to be embarrassed. I am not inclined to take his financial advice considering he’s on his second bankruptcy in 15 years. The only reason I know about the 1st bankruptcy is my dad bailed him out and put it in his will to subtract the amount from my brother’s inheritance(he died 10 years ago and I was given a copy of his will; maybe that’s why my mom has no savings). My brother is executor. My dad must have turned a few times in his grave.

He tells me all the repairs will cost in the 20 30K range (not just the roof). I just got off the phone with a good friend who owns several properties in San Francisco, and she said DO NOT do a RM. She recommends an equity line of credit, but said they are hard to get these days.

I was searching online for programs for seniors; my mom has no debt, the mortgage was paid off when I was in high school and she has a modest income (pension/SS). I told my brother not to do anything until we’ve considered all options. The roof has been leaking a long time from what I can tell, it can leak a little longer.[/quote]

toots, an equity line of credit is the same as a HELOC. You need to find out if your mom has given your brother a power of attorney and a whole bunch of other information. Is there a third party in the area who can oversee the purchase of materials and supervise labor for the repairs?

If your mom gets an RM or HELOC and your brother is in the house, given his history, he may find a way to go thru the $$ and NOT apply it to repairs, exposing your mom to foreclosure. Just being blunt here . . . I’ve seen a lot of things…..I would make a trip back there and get your mom to an attorney and have the attorney give you copies of everything and make an agreement with the attorney to inform you if your mom comes in later to revise her estate planning. I would do this EVEN IF I HAD THE HIRE THE ATTY MYSELF AND DRIVE HER THERE!….Not trying to overdramatize things here, just emphasize that you need to know exactly what is going on. I think your telling them to do nothing right now was smart. Hopefully, your brother will not be able to convince your mom otherwise until you can get there and assess everything for yourself.[/quote]

toots, bearishgurl and others here are right on the money. i fully understand how difficult this is: I’m in the same boat, and have a dimwitted, perpetually insolvent brother giving my mom “financial advice”, including taking out a reverse mortgage. I also do not live close by, which does complicate things enormously. But I’d get to your mom’s house as soon as possible, consult an attorney, and make sure that your mom has not signed anything over to your brother. Her local senior services office may be able to direct you to experts who are well-versed in the financial problems of senior citizens. The local district attorney may have programs that can assist you in identifying signs of fraud, and in providing information on scams that target seniors.

If your mom has already made your brother executor of her estate with power of attorney, you may not be able to change her mind. But you may have to be brutally honest with her, and paint a picture of what could happen if she continues to trust him (i.e., house could be sold from under her, she could end up in a seriously substandard nursing home, etc.)

If your mom needs money for living expenses, and for paying annual property taxes (as my mother does), in addition to the home repairs, the RM may be the way to go. If you go with the HELOC, read all the fine print, and (as someone else on this thread advised) make sure that there are adequate assets to make the payment each month, or you could find out, after the fact, that the property has been sold out from under your mom. No matter what, I would sit down and make up a ten-year plan with budget, to see if the up-front costs of a RM are worthwhile, or if the HELOC will be adequate for your mom’s needs.

And I don’t know whether it’s an option, but if you can forget about the “inheritance” aspect, and just concentrate on working out how your mom is going to live for the remainder of her days on the assets she has, it may make it less complicated for you. Make sure that you include a variety of scenarios, such as what happens if your mother suffers a broken hip that requires skilled nursing care for 2 or 3 months as opposed to an incapacitating stroke that could rapidly eat up all her assets (I wouldn’t count on your brother providing in-home care, no matter what he says). Also, find out what your mother’s state rules are regarding tapping into the assets of her children to pay for her care, and also her assets.

Best of luck to you. Your instincts are spot-on: don’t trust your brother.

[eavesdropper]

[quote=bearishgurl][quote=toots]Thanks to everyone for their advice, I really appreciate the information.

I am a little stressed out about this because I don’t know exactly what my mother’s finances are BUT it’s time for her and my brother to tell me the truth. He didn’t worry about the shape of her house until he lost his and moved in with mom. I didn’t really want to say that but it’s silly for me to be embarrassed. I am not inclined to take his financial advice considering he’s on his second bankruptcy in 15 years. The only reason I know about the 1st bankruptcy is my dad bailed him out and put it in his will to subtract the amount from my brother’s inheritance(he died 10 years ago and I was given a copy of his will; maybe that’s why my mom has no savings). My brother is executor. My dad must have turned a few times in his grave.

He tells me all the repairs will cost in the 20 30K range (not just the roof). I just got off the phone with a good friend who owns several properties in San Francisco, and she said DO NOT do a RM. She recommends an equity line of credit, but said they are hard to get these days.

I was searching online for programs for seniors; my mom has no debt, the mortgage was paid off when I was in high school and she has a modest income (pension/SS). I told my brother not to do anything until we’ve considered all options. The roof has been leaking a long time from what I can tell, it can leak a little longer.[/quote]

toots, an equity line of credit is the same as a HELOC. You need to find out if your mom has given your brother a power of attorney and a whole bunch of other information. Is there a third party in the area who can oversee the purchase of materials and supervise labor for the repairs?

If your mom gets an RM or HELOC and your brother is in the house, given his history, he may find a way to go thru the $$ and NOT apply it to repairs, exposing your mom to foreclosure. Just being blunt here . . . I’ve seen a lot of things…..I would make a trip back there and get your mom to an attorney and have the attorney give you copies of everything and make an agreement with the attorney to inform you if your mom comes in later to revise her estate planning. I would do this EVEN IF I HAD THE HIRE THE ATTY MYSELF AND DRIVE HER THERE!….Not trying to overdramatize things here, just emphasize that you need to know exactly what is going on. I think your telling them to do nothing right now was smart. Hopefully, your brother will not be able to convince your mom otherwise until you can get there and assess everything for yourself.[/quote]

toots, bearishgurl and others here are right on the money. i fully understand how difficult this is: I’m in the same boat, and have a dimwitted, perpetually insolvent brother giving my mom “financial advice”, including taking out a reverse mortgage. I also do not live close by, which does complicate things enormously. But I’d get to your mom’s house as soon as possible, consult an attorney, and make sure that your mom has not signed anything over to your brother. Her local senior services office may be able to direct you to experts who are well-versed in the financial problems of senior citizens. The local district attorney may have programs that can assist you in identifying signs of fraud, and in providing information on scams that target seniors.

If your mom has already made your brother executor of her estate with power of attorney, you may not be able to change her mind. But you may have to be brutally honest with her, and paint a picture of what could happen if she continues to trust him (i.e., house could be sold from under her, she could end up in a seriously substandard nursing home, etc.)

If your mom needs money for living expenses, and for paying annual property taxes (as my mother does), in addition to the home repairs, the RM may be the way to go. If you go with the HELOC, read all the fine print, and (as someone else on this thread advised) make sure that there are adequate assets to make the payment each month, or you could find out, after the fact, that the property has been sold out from under your mom. No matter what, I would sit down and make up a ten-year plan with budget, to see if the up-front costs of a RM are worthwhile, or if the HELOC will be adequate for your mom’s needs.

And I don’t know whether it’s an option, but if you can forget about the “inheritance” aspect, and just concentrate on working out how your mom is going to live for the remainder of her days on the assets she has, it may make it less complicated for you. Make sure that you include a variety of scenarios, such as what happens if your mother suffers a broken hip that requires skilled nursing care for 2 or 3 months as opposed to an incapacitating stroke that could rapidly eat up all her assets (I wouldn’t count on your brother providing in-home care, no matter what he says). Also, find out what your mother’s state rules are regarding tapping into the assets of her children to pay for her care, and also her assets.

Best of luck to you. Your instincts are spot-on: don’t trust your brother.

[eavesdropper]

[quote=bearishgurl][quote=toots]Thanks to everyone for their advice, I really appreciate the information.

I am a little stressed out about this because I don’t know exactly what my mother’s finances are BUT it’s time for her and my brother to tell me the truth. He didn’t worry about the shape of her house until he lost his and moved in with mom. I didn’t really want to say that but it’s silly for me to be embarrassed. I am not inclined to take his financial advice considering he’s on his second bankruptcy in 15 years. The only reason I know about the 1st bankruptcy is my dad bailed him out and put it in his will to subtract the amount from my brother’s inheritance(he died 10 years ago and I was given a copy of his will; maybe that’s why my mom has no savings). My brother is executor. My dad must have turned a few times in his grave.

He tells me all the repairs will cost in the 20 30K range (not just the roof). I just got off the phone with a good friend who owns several properties in San Francisco, and she said DO NOT do a RM. She recommends an equity line of credit, but said they are hard to get these days.

I was searching online for programs for seniors; my mom has no debt, the mortgage was paid off when I was in high school and she has a modest income (pension/SS). I told my brother not to do anything until we’ve considered all options. The roof has been leaking a long time from what I can tell, it can leak a little longer.[/quote]

toots, an equity line of credit is the same as a HELOC. You need to find out if your mom has given your brother a power of attorney and a whole bunch of other information. Is there a third party in the area who can oversee the purchase of materials and supervise labor for the repairs?

If your mom gets an RM or HELOC and your brother is in the house, given his history, he may find a way to go thru the $$ and NOT apply it to repairs, exposing your mom to foreclosure. Just being blunt here . . . I’ve seen a lot of things…..I would make a trip back there and get your mom to an attorney and have the attorney give you copies of everything and make an agreement with the attorney to inform you if your mom comes in later to revise her estate planning. I would do this EVEN IF I HAD THE HIRE THE ATTY MYSELF AND DRIVE HER THERE!….Not trying to overdramatize things here, just emphasize that you need to know exactly what is going on. I think your telling them to do nothing right now was smart. Hopefully, your brother will not be able to convince your mom otherwise until you can get there and assess everything for yourself.[/quote]

toots, bearishgurl and others here are right on the money. i fully understand how difficult this is: I’m in the same boat, and have a dimwitted, perpetually insolvent brother giving my mom “financial advice”, including taking out a reverse mortgage. I also do not live close by, which does complicate things enormously. But I’d get to your mom’s house as soon as possible, consult an attorney, and make sure that your mom has not signed anything over to your brother. Her local senior services office may be able to direct you to experts who are well-versed in the financial problems of senior citizens. The local district attorney may have programs that can assist you in identifying signs of fraud, and in providing information on scams that target seniors.

If your mom has already made your brother executor of her estate with power of attorney, you may not be able to change her mind. But you may have to be brutally honest with her, and paint a picture of what could happen if she continues to trust him (i.e., house could be sold from under her, she could end up in a seriously substandard nursing home, etc.)

If your mom needs money for living expenses, and for paying annual property taxes (as my mother does), in addition to the home repairs, the RM may be the way to go. If you go with the HELOC, read all the fine print, and (as someone else on this thread advised) make sure that there are adequate assets to make the payment each month, or you could find out, after the fact, that the property has been sold out from under your mom. No matter what, I would sit down and make up a ten-year plan with budget, to see if the up-front costs of a RM are worthwhile, or if the HELOC will be adequate for your mom’s needs.

And I don’t know whether it’s an option, but if you can forget about the “inheritance” aspect, and just concentrate on working out how your mom is going to live for the remainder of her days on the assets she has, it may make it less complicated for you. Make sure that you include a variety of scenarios, such as what happens if your mother suffers a broken hip that requires skilled nursing care for 2 or 3 months as opposed to an incapacitating stroke that could rapidly eat up all her assets (I wouldn’t count on your brother providing in-home care, no matter what he says). Also, find out what your mother’s state rules are regarding tapping into the assets of her children to pay for her care, and also her assets.

Best of luck to you. Your instincts are spot-on: don’t trust your brother.

[eavesdropper]

[quote=bearishgurl][quote=toots]Thanks to everyone for their advice, I really appreciate the information.

I am a little stressed out about this because I don’t know exactly what my mother’s finances are BUT it’s time for her and my brother to tell me the truth. He didn’t worry about the shape of her house until he lost his and moved in with mom. I didn’t really want to say that but it’s silly for me to be embarrassed. I am not inclined to take his financial advice considering he’s on his second bankruptcy in 15 years. The only reason I know about the 1st bankruptcy is my dad bailed him out and put it in his will to subtract the amount from my brother’s inheritance(he died 10 years ago and I was given a copy of his will; maybe that’s why my mom has no savings). My brother is executor. My dad must have turned a few times in his grave.

He tells me all the repairs will cost in the 20 30K range (not just the roof). I just got off the phone with a good friend who owns several properties in San Francisco, and she said DO NOT do a RM. She recommends an equity line of credit, but said they are hard to get these days.

I was searching online for programs for seniors; my mom has no debt, the mortgage was paid off when I was in high school and she has a modest income (pension/SS). I told my brother not to do anything until we’ve considered all options. The roof has been leaking a long time from what I can tell, it can leak a little longer.[/quote]

toots, an equity line of credit is the same as a HELOC. You need to find out if your mom has given your brother a power of attorney and a whole bunch of other information. Is there a third party in the area who can oversee the purchase of materials and supervise labor for the repairs?

If your mom gets an RM or HELOC and your brother is in the house, given his history, he may find a way to go thru the $$ and NOT apply it to repairs, exposing your mom to foreclosure. Just being blunt here . . . I’ve seen a lot of things…..I would make a trip back there and get your mom to an attorney and have the attorney give you copies of everything and make an agreement with the attorney to inform you if your mom comes in later to revise her estate planning. I would do this EVEN IF I HAD THE HIRE THE ATTY MYSELF AND DRIVE HER THERE!….Not trying to overdramatize things here, just emphasize that you need to know exactly what is going on. I think your telling them to do nothing right now was smart. Hopefully, your brother will not be able to convince your mom otherwise until you can get there and assess everything for yourself.[/quote]

toots, bearishgurl and others here are right on the money. i fully understand how difficult this is: I’m in the same boat, and have a dimwitted, perpetually insolvent brother giving my mom “financial advice”, including taking out a reverse mortgage. I also do not live close by, which does complicate things enormously. But I’d get to your mom’s house as soon as possible, consult an attorney, and make sure that your mom has not signed anything over to your brother. Her local senior services office may be able to direct you to experts who are well-versed in the financial problems of senior citizens. The local district attorney may have programs that can assist you in identifying signs of fraud, and in providing information on scams that target seniors.

If your mom has already made your brother executor of her estate with power of attorney, you may not be able to change her mind. But you may have to be brutally honest with her, and paint a picture of what could happen if she continues to trust him (i.e., house could be sold from under her, she could end up in a seriously substandard nursing home, etc.)

If your mom needs money for living expenses, and for paying annual property taxes (as my mother does), in addition to the home repairs, the RM may be the way to go. If you go with the HELOC, read all the fine print, and (as someone else on this thread advised) make sure that there are adequate assets to make the payment each month, or you could find out, after the fact, that the property has been sold out from under your mom. No matter what, I would sit down and make up a ten-year plan with budget, to see if the up-front costs of a RM are worthwhile, or if the HELOC will be adequate for your mom’s needs.

And I don’t know whether it’s an option, but if you can forget about the “inheritance” aspect, and just concentrate on working out how your mom is going to live for the remainder of her days on the assets she has, it may make it less complicated for you. Make sure that you include a variety of scenarios, such as what happens if your mother suffers a broken hip that requires skilled nursing care for 2 or 3 months as opposed to an incapacitating stroke that could rapidly eat up all her assets (I wouldn’t count on your brother providing in-home care, no matter what he says). Also, find out what your mother’s state rules are regarding tapping into the assets of her children to pay for her care, and also her assets.

Best of luck to you. Your instincts are spot-on: don’t trust your brother.

[UCGal]

Agreeing with the others here. I’ve seen similar family dynamics more than once.

I especially agree with this bit from the previous post

[quote=eavesdropper]And I don’t know whether it’s an option, but if you can forget about the “inheritance” aspect, and just concentrate on working out how your mom is going to live for the remainder of her days on the assets she has, it may make it less complicated for you. Make sure that you include a variety of scenarios, such as what happens if your mother suffers a broken hip that requires skilled nursing care for 2 or 3 months as opposed to an incapacitating stroke that could rapidly eat up all her assets (I wouldn’t count on your brother providing in-home care, no matter what he says). Also, find out what your mother’s state rules are regarding tapping into the assets of her children to pay for her care, and also her assets.

Best of luck to you. Your instincts are spot-on: don’t trust your brother.[/quote]

Too often families get torn asunder fighting over inheritance that they feel “entitled” to.

I’m waiting for the drama when my in-laws pass… a few of my siblings in law have already made hints that they expect there to be significant wealth. (No idea where they get that idea, seriously!!!) And they’ll be even more surprised when they learn it’s not divided equally but based on need. Why get upset… it’s my in laws money to do with as they see fit.

It’s a lot easier to concentrate on your mother’s needs if you take inheritance out of the picture and worry about her needs first. It can be challenging to get all the parties on the same page, though.

[UCGal]

Agreeing with the others here. I’ve seen similar family dynamics more than once.

I especially agree with this bit from the previous post

[quote=eavesdropper]And I don’t know whether it’s an option, but if you can forget about the “inheritance” aspect, and just concentrate on working out how your mom is going to live for the remainder of her days on the assets she has, it may make it less complicated for you. Make sure that you include a variety of scenarios, such as what happens if your mother suffers a broken hip that requires skilled nursing care for 2 or 3 months as opposed to an incapacitating stroke that could rapidly eat up all her assets (I wouldn’t count on your brother providing in-home care, no matter what he says). Also, find out what your mother’s state rules are regarding tapping into the assets of her children to pay for her care, and also her assets.

Best of luck to you. Your instincts are spot-on: don’t trust your brother.[/quote]

Too often families get torn asunder fighting over inheritance that they feel “entitled” to.

I’m waiting for the drama when my in-laws pass… a few of my siblings in law have already made hints that they expect there to be significant wealth. (No idea where they get that idea, seriously!!!) And they’ll be even more surprised when they learn it’s not divided equally but based on need. Why get upset… it’s my in laws money to do with as they see fit.

It’s a lot easier to concentrate on your mother’s needs if you take inheritance out of the picture and worry about her needs first. It can be challenging to get all the parties on the same page, though.

[UCGal]

Agreeing with the others here. I’ve seen similar family dynamics more than once.

I especially agree with this bit from the previous post

[quote=eavesdropper]And I don’t know whether it’s an option, but if you can forget about the “inheritance” aspect, and just concentrate on working out how your mom is going to live for the remainder of her days on the assets she has, it may make it less complicated for you. Make sure that you include a variety of scenarios, such as what happens if your mother suffers a broken hip that requires skilled nursing care for 2 or 3 months as opposed to an incapacitating stroke that could rapidly eat up all her assets (I wouldn’t count on your brother providing in-home care, no matter what he says). Also, find out what your mother’s state rules are regarding tapping into the assets of her children to pay for her care, and also her assets.

Best of luck to you. Your instincts are spot-on: don’t trust your brother.[/quote]

Too often families get torn asunder fighting over inheritance that they feel “entitled” to.

I’m waiting for the drama when my in-laws pass… a few of my siblings in law have already made hints that they expect there to be significant wealth. (No idea where they get that idea, seriously!!!) And they’ll be even more surprised when they learn it’s not divided equally but based on need. Why get upset… it’s my in laws money to do with as they see fit.

It’s a lot easier to concentrate on your mother’s needs if you take inheritance out of the picture and worry about her needs first. It can be challenging to get all the parties on the same page, though.

[UCGal]

Agreeing with the others here. I’ve seen similar family dynamics more than once.

I especially agree with this bit from the previous post

[quote=eavesdropper]And I don’t know whether it’s an option, but if you can forget about the “inheritance” aspect, and just concentrate on working out how your mom is going to live for the remainder of her days on the assets she has, it may make it less complicated for you. Make sure that you include a variety of scenarios, such as what happens if your mother suffers a broken hip that requires skilled nursing care for 2 or 3 months as opposed to an incapacitating stroke that could rapidly eat up all her assets (I wouldn’t count on your brother providing in-home care, no matter what he says). Also, find out what your mother’s state rules are regarding tapping into the assets of her children to pay for her care, and also her assets.

Best of luck to you. Your instincts are spot-on: don’t trust your brother.[/quote]

Too often families get torn asunder fighting over inheritance that they feel “entitled” to.

I’m waiting for the drama when my in-laws pass… a few of my siblings in law have already made hints that they expect there to be significant wealth. (No idea where they get that idea, seriously!!!) And they’ll be even more surprised when they learn it’s not divided equally but based on need. Why get upset… it’s my in laws money to do with as they see fit.

It’s a lot easier to concentrate on your mother’s needs if you take inheritance out of the picture and worry about her needs first. It can be challenging to get all the parties on the same page, though.

[UCGal]

Agreeing with the others here. I’ve seen similar family dynamics more than once.

I especially agree with this bit from the previous post

[quote=eavesdropper]And I don’t know whether it’s an option, but if you can forget about the “inheritance” aspect, and just concentrate on working out how your mom is going to live for the remainder of her days on the assets she has, it may make it less complicated for you. Make sure that you include a variety of scenarios, such as what happens if your mother suffers a broken hip that requires skilled nursing care for 2 or 3 months as opposed to an incapacitating stroke that could rapidly eat up all her assets (I wouldn’t count on your brother providing in-home care, no matter what he says). Also, find out what your mother’s state rules are regarding tapping into the assets of her children to pay for her care, and also her assets.

Best of luck to you. Your instincts are spot-on: don’t trust your brother.[/quote]

Too often families get torn asunder fighting over inheritance that they feel “entitled” to.

I’m waiting for the drama when my in-laws pass… a few of my siblings in law have already made hints that they expect there to be significant wealth. (No idea where they get that idea, seriously!!!) And they’ll be even more surprised when they learn it’s not divided equally but based on need. Why get upset… it’s my in laws money to do with as they see fit.

It’s a lot easier to concentrate on your mother’s needs if you take inheritance out of the picture and worry about her needs first. It can be challenging to get all the parties on the same page, though.

[bearishgurl]

[quote=toots] . . . I am not inclined to take his financial advice considering he’s on his second bankruptcy in 15 years. The only reason I know about the 1st bankruptcy is my dad bailed him out and put it in his will to subtract the amount from my brother’s inheritance(he died 10 years ago and I was given a copy of his will; maybe that’s why my mom has no savings). My brother is executor. My dad must have turned a few times in his grave. . .

He tells me all the repairs will cost in the 20 30K range (not just the roof).[/quote]

[quote=eavesdropper] . . . I’d get to your mom’s house as soon as possible, consult an attorney, and make sure that your mom has not signed anything over to your brother. Her local senior services office may be able to direct you to experts who are well-versed in the financial problems of senior citizens. The local district attorney may have programs that can assist you in identifying signs of fraud, and in providing information on scams that target seniors.

If your mom has already made your brother executor of her estate with power of attorney, you may not be able to change her mind. But you may have to be brutally honest with her, and paint a picture of what could happen if she continues to trust him (i.e., house could be sold from under her, she could end up in a seriously substandard nursing home, etc.)

If your mom needs money for living expenses, and for paying annual property taxes (as my mother does), in addition to the home repairs, the RM may be the way to go. If you go with the HELOC, read all the fine print, and (as someone else on this thread advised) make sure that there are adequate assets to make the payment each month, or you could find out, after the fact, that the property has been sold out from under your mom. No matter what, I would sit down and make up a ten-year plan with budget, to see if the up-front costs of a RM are worthwhile, or if the HELOC will be adequate for your mom’s needs.

And I don’t know whether it’s an option, but if you can forget about the “inheritance” aspect, and just concentrate on working out how your mom is going to live for the remainder of her days on the assets she has, it may make it less complicated for you. Make sure that you include a variety of scenarios, such as what happens if your mother suffers a broken hip that requires skilled nursing care for 2 or 3 months as opposed to an incapacitating stroke that could rapidly eat up all her assets (I wouldn’t count on your brother providing in-home care, no matter what he says). Also, find out what your mother’s state rules are regarding tapping into the assets of her children to pay for her care, and also her assets.

Best of luck to you. Your instincts are spot-on: don’t trust your brother.[/quote]

I totally agree with eavesdropper here, but did not mention the DA Elder Abuse Unit (don’t know what is avail. where your mom lives) because you don’t yet have any proof that fraud is going on.

toots, if you will pm me (I will get you the records for your brother’s 2 BK’s (including lists of creditors and amts. discharged) from my PACER acct. for .08 pg. that you can use to share with your mom (if she’s able to understand it) along with your copy of your dad’s will to refresh her memory. You will have to get her out the house under the guise of taking her to lunch or shopping. You can also share this info with her local attorney or county aging specialists for use as a motive if you find your brother has been writing big checks to himself for cash or buying himself things on her checking acct. BK records are public.

I hate to see this kind of thing going on.

[bearishgurl]

[quote=toots] . . . I am not inclined to take his financial advice considering he’s on his second bankruptcy in 15 years. The only reason I know about the 1st bankruptcy is my dad bailed him out and put it in his will to subtract the amount from my brother’s inheritance(he died 10 years ago and I was given a copy of his will; maybe that’s why my mom has no savings). My brother is executor. My dad must have turned a few times in his grave. . .

He tells me all the repairs will cost in the 20 30K range (not just the roof).[/quote]

[quote=eavesdropper] . . . I’d get to your mom’s house as soon as possible, consult an attorney, and make sure that your mom has not signed anything over to your brother. Her local senior services office may be able to direct you to experts who are well-versed in the financial problems of senior citizens. The local district attorney may have programs that can assist you in identifying signs of fraud, and in providing information on scams that target seniors.

If your mom has already made your brother executor of her estate with power of attorney, you may not be able to change her mind. But you may have to be brutally honest with her, and paint a picture of what could happen if she continues to trust him (i.e., house could be sold from under her, she could end up in a seriously substandard nursing home, etc.)

If your mom needs money for living expenses, and for paying annual property taxes (as my mother does), in addition to the home repairs, the RM may be the way to go. If you go with the HELOC, read all the fine print, and (as someone else on this thread advised) make sure that there are adequate assets to make the payment each month, or you could find out, after the fact, that the property has been sold out from under your mom. No matter what, I would sit down and make up a ten-year plan with budget, to see if the up-front costs of a RM are worthwhile, or if the HELOC will be adequate for your mom’s needs.

And I don’t know whether it’s an option, but if you can forget about the “inheritance” aspect, and just concentrate on working out how your mom is going to live for the remainder of her days on the assets she has, it may make it less complicated for you. Make sure that you include a variety of scenarios, such as what happens if your mother suffers a broken hip that requires skilled nursing care for 2 or 3 months as opposed to an incapacitating stroke that could rapidly eat up all her assets (I wouldn’t count on your brother providing in-home care, no matter what he says). Also, find out what your mother’s state rules are regarding tapping into the assets of her children to pay for her care, and also her assets.

Best of luck to you. Your instincts are spot-on: don’t trust your brother.[/quote]

I totally agree with eavesdropper here, but did not mention the DA Elder Abuse Unit (don’t know what is avail. where your mom lives) because you don’t yet have any proof that fraud is going on.

toots, if you will pm me (I will get you the records for your brother’s 2 BK’s (including lists of creditors and amts. discharged) from my PACER acct. for .08 pg. that you can use to share with your mom (if she’s able to understand it) along with your copy of your dad’s will to refresh her memory. You will have to get her out the house under the guise of taking her to lunch or shopping. You can also share this info with her local attorney or county aging specialists for use as a motive if you find your brother has been writing big checks to himself for cash or buying himself things on her checking acct. BK records are public.

I hate to see this kind of thing going on.

[bearishgurl]

[quote=toots] . . . I am not inclined to take his financial advice considering he’s on his second bankruptcy in 15 years. The only reason I know about the 1st bankruptcy is my dad bailed him out and put it in his will to subtract the amount from my brother’s inheritance(he died 10 years ago and I was given a copy of his will; maybe that’s why my mom has no savings). My brother is executor. My dad must have turned a few times in his grave. . .

He tells me all the repairs will cost in the 20 30K range (not just the roof).[/quote]

[quote=eavesdropper] . . . I’d get to your mom’s house as soon as possible, consult an attorney, and make sure that your mom has not signed anything over to your brother. Her local senior services office may be able to direct you to experts who are well-versed in the financial problems of senior citizens. The local district attorney may have programs that can assist you in identifying signs of fraud, and in providing information on scams that target seniors.

If your mom has already made your brother executor of her estate with power of attorney, you may not be able to change her mind. But you may have to be brutally honest with her, and paint a picture of what could happen if she continues to trust him (i.e., house could be sold from under her, she could end up in a seriously substandard nursing home, etc.)

If your mom needs money for living expenses, and for paying annual property taxes (as my mother does), in addition to the home repairs, the RM may be the way to go. If you go with the HELOC, read all the fine print, and (as someone else on this thread advised) make sure that there are adequate assets to make the payment each month, or you could find out, after the fact, that the property has been sold out from under your mom. No matter what, I would sit down and make up a ten-year plan with budget, to see if the up-front costs of a RM are worthwhile, or if the HELOC will be adequate for your mom’s needs.

And I don’t know whether it’s an option, but if you can forget about the “inheritance” aspect, and just concentrate on working out how your mom is going to live for the remainder of her days on the assets she has, it may make it less complicated for you. Make sure that you include a variety of scenarios, such as what happens if your mother suffers a broken hip that requires skilled nursing care for 2 or 3 months as opposed to an incapacitating stroke that could rapidly eat up all her assets (I wouldn’t count on your brother providing in-home care, no matter what he says). Also, find out what your mother’s state rules are regarding tapping into the assets of her children to pay for her care, and also her assets.

Best of luck to you. Your instincts are spot-on: don’t trust your brother.[/quote]

I totally agree with eavesdropper here, but did not mention the DA Elder Abuse Unit (don’t know what is avail. where your mom lives) because you don’t yet have any proof that fraud is going on.

toots, if you will pm me (I will get you the records for your brother’s 2 BK’s (including lists of creditors and amts. discharged) from my PACER acct. for .08 pg. that you can use to share with your mom (if she’s able to understand it) along with your copy of your dad’s will to refresh her memory. You will have to get her out the house under the guise of taking her to lunch or shopping. You can also share this info with her local attorney or county aging specialists for use as a motive if you find your brother has been writing big checks to himself for cash or buying himself things on her checking acct. BK records are public.

I hate to see this kind of thing going on.

[bearishgurl]

[quote=toots] . . . I am not inclined to take his financial advice considering he’s on his second bankruptcy in 15 years. The only reason I know about the 1st bankruptcy is my dad bailed him out and put it in his will to subtract the amount from my brother’s inheritance(he died 10 years ago and I was given a copy of his will; maybe that’s why my mom has no savings). My brother is executor. My dad must have turned a few times in his grave. . .

He tells me all the repairs will cost in the 20 30K range (not just the roof).[/quote]

[quote=eavesdropper] . . . I’d get to your mom’s house as soon as possible, consult an attorney, and make sure that your mom has not signed anything over to your brother. Her local senior services office may be able to direct you to experts who are well-versed in the financial problems of senior citizens. The local district attorney may have programs that can assist you in identifying signs of fraud, and in providing information on scams that target seniors.

If your mom has already made your brother executor of her estate with power of attorney, you may not be able to change her mind. But you may have to be brutally honest with her, and paint a picture of what could happen if she continues to trust him (i.e., house could be sold from under her, she could end up in a seriously substandard nursing home, etc.)

If your mom needs money for living expenses, and for paying annual property taxes (as my mother does), in addition to the home repairs, the RM may be the way to go. If you go with the HELOC, read all the fine print, and (as someone else on this thread advised) make sure that there are adequate assets to make the payment each month, or you could find out, after the fact, that the property has been sold out from under your mom. No matter what, I would sit down and make up a ten-year plan with budget, to see if the up-front costs of a RM are worthwhile, or if the HELOC will be adequate for your mom’s needs.

And I don’t know whether it’s an option, but if you can forget about the “inheritance” aspect, and just concentrate on working out how your mom is going to live for the remainder of her days on the assets she has, it may make it less complicated for you. Make sure that you include a variety of scenarios, such as what happens if your mother suffers a broken hip that requires skilled nursing care for 2 or 3 months as opposed to an incapacitating stroke that could rapidly eat up all her assets (I wouldn’t count on your brother providing in-home care, no matter what he says). Also, find out what your mother’s state rules are regarding tapping into the assets of her children to pay for her care, and also her assets.

Best of luck to you. Your instincts are spot-on: don’t trust your brother.[/quote]

I totally agree with eavesdropper here, but did not mention the DA Elder Abuse Unit (don’t know what is avail. where your mom lives) because you don’t yet have any proof that fraud is going on.

toots, if you will pm me (I will get you the records for your brother’s 2 BK’s (including lists of creditors and amts. discharged) from my PACER acct. for .08 pg. that you can use to share with your mom (if she’s able to understand it) along with your copy of your dad’s will to refresh her memory. You will have to get her out the house under the guise of taking her to lunch or shopping. You can also share this info with her local attorney or county aging specialists for use as a motive if you find your brother has been writing big checks to himself for cash or buying himself things on her checking acct. BK records are public.

I hate to see this kind of thing going on.

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