ot. why I am a great parent.

[scaredyclassic]

Ah forget It. Maybe I suck.

[ucodegen]

[quote=scaredyclassic]Ah forget It. Maybe I suck.[/quote]
Looks like the medication just kicked in..☺

[scaredyclassic]

OK I’m still thinkingng a solid 8.

Kids who are confident, poised, deeply thoughtful, really good at self control,even as teenagers very attuned to others, capable of powerful connections with others, who love each other a lot, who know and understand their old man….just filled with interestingness and other people say man your kids are fun to hang out with…

Where can I get some kids like that?

Just kidding!!! Those are mine!!!

[FlyerInHi]

It’s DNA. maybe 50/50 parenting.

I know kids who are rude little monsters despite their parents.

2 other kids I know are the best, fun, smart, almost adults. Not a lot of parenting. Mom is a single mom sorta like hippie type mom who’s a liberal arts professor. They were poor. The kids grew up in apartments when mom was a grad student, writing her thesis, etc…

Dad is a nice guy but lives on the other side of the country. A photographer.

[zk]

[quote=FlyerInHi]It’s DNA. maybe 50/50 parenting.

I know kids who are rude little monsters despite their parents.

2 other kids I know are the best, fun, smart, almost adults. Not a lot of parenting. Mom is a single mom sorta like hippie type mom who’s a liberal arts professor. They were poor. The kids grew up in apartments when mom was a grad student, writing her thesis, etc…

Dad is a nice guy but lives on the other side of the country. A photographer.[/quote]

Dang, I’m going to have to agree with Brian on this one. Scaredy, from the sound of it (your posts in other threads about your family/parenting), you are a great father. Part of the reason you’re a great father is your DNA. And some, probably a lot, maybe most of why (in my opinion) your kids are great is their DNA. With minimal parenting, they probably would’ve been very solid kids. Maybe your great parenting moved them past that into great kids. But maybe (almost certainly, if you ask me), if you adopted some kid with lousy DNA, you would’ve had vastly different results.

Identical twins raised apart are generally amazingly similar in personality. Adopted siblings with no shared DNA are generally markedly different. So many important personality traits have a genetic composition. You’re not necessarily exactly who you’re going to be when you’re born. But I don’t think you’ll be led by your parents too far from where your genes will naturally take you.

Now, if you beat or abuse your kids, that might be different. But, short of that, I think genetics will determine your personality (traits like confident, poised, deeply thoughtful, really good at self control,even as teenagers very attuned to others, capable of powerful connections with others) more than upbringing.

I don’t think this takes anything away from your parenting, scaredy. Your kids probably had a somewhat happier childhood than they would’ve with an ordinary parent. And that counts for a lot. It will probably will make them happier as adults. But I don’t think it’ll change their personality much.

Either way, whether it’s you or your genes that made them the way they are, your kids are very lucky.

[CA renter]

Agree with Brian and zk. It’s largely genetic, and parenting can only nudge things slightly in one direction or another.

I’ve seen kids of absolutely horrible parents (parents who literally pimped their daughter out in a trailer in their yard) turn their backs on all of that and become some of the best people you could ever meet…great parents to their own kids, too. I’ve also seen kids of parents who were extremely nurturing and caring, doing everything they could for their kids, and the kids turned out pretty rotten.

Now, I DO think that scaredy’s introspective nature and willingness to admit fault is a big deal when it comes to parenting. It’s important to be able to apologize properly when you’re wrong, and to give the kids credit when they’re right. And it’s important to be able to analyze long-held beliefs and change them when the reality on the ground tells you that you were wrong (even better if you can have a discussion with your kids about the entire experience and thought process). And I also think that homeschooling gives kids an incredibly safe, nurturing environment in which they can really thrive, develop their own likes and interests, and become self-confident in their own perceptions and beliefs.

So much of it is genetic, though, and I think that scaredy and his wife probably have some pretty decent genes, even if he’s a bit scrawny and weak by nature. 😉

Yeah, you’re an awesome parent, scaredy. Your love and passion for your kids comes through loud and clear. It’s a pleasure to read your posts about your family. 🙂

[scaredyclassic]

You need to be able to talk to your kids. I have pet names for each one. Like “special one”, “specialty product” etc… I keep coming up with new names. But i ask first. For ibstance I ran loin fruit by its intended target before calling him that and he said no that won’t work. So I respected that. If I had just kept calling him loin fruit or his brother fruit of the loin, that would’ve not been respectful.

Listening… Key…

[NotCranky]

[quote=scaredyclassic]You need to be able to talk to your kids. I have pet names for each one. Like “special one”, “specialty product” etc… I keep coming up with new names. But i ask first. For ibstance I ran loin fruit by its intended target before calling him that and he said no that won’t work. So I respected that. If I had just kept calling him loin fruit or his brother fruit of the loin, that would’ve not been respectful.

Listening… Key…[/quote]

We do this name thing all the time! Big fun! I also ask if it is O.K.

So many names I can’t remember, French Toast , Bacon, Catfish, Super Kid, Smart Kid, Big stuff, “The Stuff” , Stuffilufigus. Runner Kid , Soccer Kid, etc.

Now they call me “Flabby Dabby : G-d of Snacks” because I am so tight with sweets and stuff and I had a tiny bit of fat once.

Yesterday , the whole family was cutting tree branches,
I was Rough Cut, Mom was Smooth Cut, then there were the three boys Tough Cut, Buff Cut, Slick cut, then we all took turns calling each other” Butt Cut”, that really got them laughing, mom was never Butt Cut. Mom never gets insulting names , ever. Best Working together day ever, no whining , no apologies from the ass needed.

What shall what we will be today?

[NotCranky]

They are very sensitive about their pets, if you call their pet a name it better be positive. I call the pets rotten stuff but only in front of my wife. I laugh about it and she always says, “come on now”, Rustico.

LIke Crusty ass mutt. or Stupid fucking cat. I never say that stuff in front of the kids.

[scaredyclassic]

i dont remember my dad ever apologizing to me. i remember thinking he was wrong about some stuff. can’t remember what.

there is something amazingly powerful about apologizing to a child. i can still remember their tiny serious faces listening intently, me wringing my hands in front of this tiny human, sweating, them forgiving me…

in sum, id say a good theory of parenting is not “love your child”, but instead to demonstrate in some way every day a deep respect and interest in the autonomy, individuality and thoughts of each child, even when little. also you have to feed them.

in this way, perhaps, they wont be fucked up int he head…

a persons a person no matter how small.. ..

[NotCranky]

[quote=scaredyclassic]i dont remember my dad ever apologizing to me. i remember thinking he was wrong about some stuff. can’t remember what.

there is something amazingly powerful about apologizing to a child. i can still remember their tiny serious faces listening intently, me wringing my hands in front of this tiny human, sweating, them forgiving me…

in sum, id say a good theory of parenting is not “love your child”, but instead to demonstrate in some way every day a deep respect and interest in the autonomy, individuality and thoughts of each child, even when little. also you have to feed them.

in this way, perhaps, they wont be fucked up int he head…

a persons a person no matter how small.. ..[/quote]

I apologize to my kids, We sit down and talk about “misunderstandings” too, “Was I an idiot or was there a possible misunderstanding?” ” Oh, I am sorry you feel that way”.

[scaredyclassic]

heres a marital tip; dont call your menopausal wife THE FLASH.

[NotCranky]

[quote=scaredyclassic]heres a marital tip; dont call your menopausal wife THE FLASH.[/quote]
Not even “HOT FLASH”?

[NotCranky]

THis is a good story,

I love teachable moments, especially if it will help keep the kids close to one another and me. I am needy.

The other day I had to drop the oldest off in front of a group of new kids at a video game making class. He tried to get rid of me but really he’s 11 and it was my responsibility to make a handoff to the teacher. So I told him, “hey your real friends see us together all the time, so if I am good enough for your real friends I am good enough for these punks”. We are working on it.

[NotCranky]

Actually, I think I am a better dad than you are , Scaredy.

[Author]

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