OT: Paying Kids For Grades in HS

[PadreBrian]

I object to calling it “paying for grades”. It’s more like “rewarding good grades”. Just as real professions and the real world, the harder you work the more you are rewarded. The amounts the OP posted aren’t too extreme.

That said, I also believe the child should have to work a part-time summer job (golf caddy, fastfood, bagger, whatever) once they hit 16. They’ll understand and appreciate the work ethic.

[an]

Many here compare to getting paid to good grades to getting paid for going to work. But like someone earlier said, education benefits mostly just you (the person studying). So, it’s more like getting paid to exercise and eat right, or getting paid read a book, or getting paid to get a good night sleep, etc. Unless most of you love your job and would be willing to work for free if your boss decides to stop paying you.

[an]

Many here compare to getting paid to good grades to getting paid for going to work. But like someone earlier said, education benefits mostly just you (the person studying). So, it’s more like getting paid to exercise and eat right, or getting paid read a book, or getting paid to get a good night sleep, etc. Unless most of you love your job and would be willing to work for free if your boss decides to stop paying you.

[an]

Many here compare to getting paid to good grades to getting paid for going to work. But like someone earlier said, education benefits mostly just you (the person studying). So, it’s more like getting paid to exercise and eat right, or getting paid read a book, or getting paid to get a good night sleep, etc. Unless most of you love your job and would be willing to work for free if your boss decides to stop paying you.

[an]

Many here compare to getting paid to good grades to getting paid for going to work. But like someone earlier said, education benefits mostly just you (the person studying). So, it’s more like getting paid to exercise and eat right, or getting paid read a book, or getting paid to get a good night sleep, etc. Unless most of you love your job and would be willing to work for free if your boss decides to stop paying you.

[an]

Many here compare to getting paid to good grades to getting paid for going to work. But like someone earlier said, education benefits mostly just you (the person studying). So, it’s more like getting paid to exercise and eat right, or getting paid read a book, or getting paid to get a good night sleep, etc. Unless most of you love your job and would be willing to work for free if your boss decides to stop paying you.

[CA renter]

[quote=scaredycat]Paying for grades would be contrary to everything I believe in. Why would I want my kid to focus on his grades rather than the substance of the subject matter? Would it be betetr to ace all one’s spanish tests and not speak a word, or to learn spanish int he streets but get a C on he test. Clearly, reality ttrumps, and grades are a far second to the actual knowledge gained into the subjectmatter, but more important,t he insight gained into one’s self, one’s abilities, one’s limitations — one’s very soul… I don’t care about him fitting into some societal mold, worrying about the status of the particular colleges he might be accepted to, trying to put him in a certain box or on a certain c areer track.. WHy assume he even has an interest in pursuing such a path. Let the journey be fully his. Why not leave him open to the full expanse of humn possibility, let him figure out whether competing for grades is something he wants to do, instead of imposing my worldview on him? Perhaps he will be an independent tradesman,a pool repairman or a plumber or a roofer,, or some other potentially lucrative trade, (but perhaps without the social status I might crave), rather than pursuing some soulless career in a cubicle manipulating information for his masters.

Better to foster an independent spirit, and there is nothing that would quash any burgeoning spirit of indpendence than paying money for a specified level of performance. I might as well pay him to believe in God, or compensate him fianncially for falling in love in the manner which and witha wpartner whom I find appropriate, or give him an extra hunskie if he can demonstrate that he is truly moved by a piece of music; it is that repugnant to human decency.

You cannot control the basis of human emotion and experience, and at its base, money–paying money–is a feeble and pathetic means of trying to exert contorl over this most personal, most critical matter –the matter of the formation fo the self and its relation to society, to learning and to the search for one’s place within society. Money puts him in the position of servant, of employee, and I his master, a truly disgusting way to characterize what shoudl be a partnership toward the discovery and uncovering of the Self.

I make myself sick by even thinking about my prior plan to pay him for grades. Truly repulsive. How could I have even considered such a vile plan? How would I live with myself for distorting the purity of his social and emotional
development. What kind of monstrous, control-freak, adbusive creature am I?

Hey this sounds pretty good! I’m almost convinced! Plus I get to save a few thousand bucks. not bad…[/quote]

Have you ever considered homeschooling or “independent study”?

It sounds to me like your son is perfectly capable of focusing and is intelligent enough to seek out new materials that interest him. Why not ask him what he wants to do in life, and help him work toward those goals?

Some kids, especially the very intelligent ones, feel that high school is a waste of time, and they can easily be drawn into the wrong crowd and the wrong activities. If there are social issues which make him uncomfortable, that might make school even more miserable for him.

Another possible benefit is that a homeschooled/I.S. student can attend a local community college, and those credits can apply to his/her general ed requirements (this was the case many years ago…confirm with someone who knows the details on this).

Here’s one possible idea:

http://www.sandiegohomeschool.org/index.html

[CA renter]

[quote=scaredycat]Paying for grades would be contrary to everything I believe in. Why would I want my kid to focus on his grades rather than the substance of the subject matter? Would it be betetr to ace all one’s spanish tests and not speak a word, or to learn spanish int he streets but get a C on he test. Clearly, reality ttrumps, and grades are a far second to the actual knowledge gained into the subjectmatter, but more important,t he insight gained into one’s self, one’s abilities, one’s limitations — one’s very soul… I don’t care about him fitting into some societal mold, worrying about the status of the particular colleges he might be accepted to, trying to put him in a certain box or on a certain c areer track.. WHy assume he even has an interest in pursuing such a path. Let the journey be fully his. Why not leave him open to the full expanse of humn possibility, let him figure out whether competing for grades is something he wants to do, instead of imposing my worldview on him? Perhaps he will be an independent tradesman,a pool repairman or a plumber or a roofer,, or some other potentially lucrative trade, (but perhaps without the social status I might crave), rather than pursuing some soulless career in a cubicle manipulating information for his masters.

Better to foster an independent spirit, and there is nothing that would quash any burgeoning spirit of indpendence than paying money for a specified level of performance. I might as well pay him to believe in God, or compensate him fianncially for falling in love in the manner which and witha wpartner whom I find appropriate, or give him an extra hunskie if he can demonstrate that he is truly moved by a piece of music; it is that repugnant to human decency.

You cannot control the basis of human emotion and experience, and at its base, money–paying money–is a feeble and pathetic means of trying to exert contorl over this most personal, most critical matter –the matter of the formation fo the self and its relation to society, to learning and to the search for one’s place within society. Money puts him in the position of servant, of employee, and I his master, a truly disgusting way to characterize what shoudl be a partnership toward the discovery and uncovering of the Self.

I make myself sick by even thinking about my prior plan to pay him for grades. Truly repulsive. How could I have even considered such a vile plan? How would I live with myself for distorting the purity of his social and emotional
development. What kind of monstrous, control-freak, adbusive creature am I?

Hey this sounds pretty good! I’m almost convinced! Plus I get to save a few thousand bucks. not bad…[/quote]

Have you ever considered homeschooling or “independent study”?

It sounds to me like your son is perfectly capable of focusing and is intelligent enough to seek out new materials that interest him. Why not ask him what he wants to do in life, and help him work toward those goals?

Some kids, especially the very intelligent ones, feel that high school is a waste of time, and they can easily be drawn into the wrong crowd and the wrong activities. If there are social issues which make him uncomfortable, that might make school even more miserable for him.

Another possible benefit is that a homeschooled/I.S. student can attend a local community college, and those credits can apply to his/her general ed requirements (this was the case many years ago…confirm with someone who knows the details on this).

Here’s one possible idea:

http://www.sandiegohomeschool.org/index.html

[CA renter]

[quote=scaredycat]Paying for grades would be contrary to everything I believe in. Why would I want my kid to focus on his grades rather than the substance of the subject matter? Would it be betetr to ace all one’s spanish tests and not speak a word, or to learn spanish int he streets but get a C on he test. Clearly, reality ttrumps, and grades are a far second to the actual knowledge gained into the subjectmatter, but more important,t he insight gained into one’s self, one’s abilities, one’s limitations — one’s very soul… I don’t care about him fitting into some societal mold, worrying about the status of the particular colleges he might be accepted to, trying to put him in a certain box or on a certain c areer track.. WHy assume he even has an interest in pursuing such a path. Let the journey be fully his. Why not leave him open to the full expanse of humn possibility, let him figure out whether competing for grades is something he wants to do, instead of imposing my worldview on him? Perhaps he will be an independent tradesman,a pool repairman or a plumber or a roofer,, or some other potentially lucrative trade, (but perhaps without the social status I might crave), rather than pursuing some soulless career in a cubicle manipulating information for his masters.

Better to foster an independent spirit, and there is nothing that would quash any burgeoning spirit of indpendence than paying money for a specified level of performance. I might as well pay him to believe in God, or compensate him fianncially for falling in love in the manner which and witha wpartner whom I find appropriate, or give him an extra hunskie if he can demonstrate that he is truly moved by a piece of music; it is that repugnant to human decency.

You cannot control the basis of human emotion and experience, and at its base, money–paying money–is a feeble and pathetic means of trying to exert contorl over this most personal, most critical matter –the matter of the formation fo the self and its relation to society, to learning and to the search for one’s place within society. Money puts him in the position of servant, of employee, and I his master, a truly disgusting way to characterize what shoudl be a partnership toward the discovery and uncovering of the Self.

I make myself sick by even thinking about my prior plan to pay him for grades. Truly repulsive. How could I have even considered such a vile plan? How would I live with myself for distorting the purity of his social and emotional
development. What kind of monstrous, control-freak, adbusive creature am I?

Hey this sounds pretty good! I’m almost convinced! Plus I get to save a few thousand bucks. not bad…[/quote]

Have you ever considered homeschooling or “independent study”?

It sounds to me like your son is perfectly capable of focusing and is intelligent enough to seek out new materials that interest him. Why not ask him what he wants to do in life, and help him work toward those goals?

Some kids, especially the very intelligent ones, feel that high school is a waste of time, and they can easily be drawn into the wrong crowd and the wrong activities. If there are social issues which make him uncomfortable, that might make school even more miserable for him.

Another possible benefit is that a homeschooled/I.S. student can attend a local community college, and those credits can apply to his/her general ed requirements (this was the case many years ago…confirm with someone who knows the details on this).

Here’s one possible idea:

http://www.sandiegohomeschool.org/index.html

[CA renter]

[quote=scaredycat]Paying for grades would be contrary to everything I believe in. Why would I want my kid to focus on his grades rather than the substance of the subject matter? Would it be betetr to ace all one’s spanish tests and not speak a word, or to learn spanish int he streets but get a C on he test. Clearly, reality ttrumps, and grades are a far second to the actual knowledge gained into the subjectmatter, but more important,t he insight gained into one’s self, one’s abilities, one’s limitations — one’s very soul… I don’t care about him fitting into some societal mold, worrying about the status of the particular colleges he might be accepted to, trying to put him in a certain box or on a certain c areer track.. WHy assume he even has an interest in pursuing such a path. Let the journey be fully his. Why not leave him open to the full expanse of humn possibility, let him figure out whether competing for grades is something he wants to do, instead of imposing my worldview on him? Perhaps he will be an independent tradesman,a pool repairman or a plumber or a roofer,, or some other potentially lucrative trade, (but perhaps without the social status I might crave), rather than pursuing some soulless career in a cubicle manipulating information for his masters.

Better to foster an independent spirit, and there is nothing that would quash any burgeoning spirit of indpendence than paying money for a specified level of performance. I might as well pay him to believe in God, or compensate him fianncially for falling in love in the manner which and witha wpartner whom I find appropriate, or give him an extra hunskie if he can demonstrate that he is truly moved by a piece of music; it is that repugnant to human decency.

You cannot control the basis of human emotion and experience, and at its base, money–paying money–is a feeble and pathetic means of trying to exert contorl over this most personal, most critical matter –the matter of the formation fo the self and its relation to society, to learning and to the search for one’s place within society. Money puts him in the position of servant, of employee, and I his master, a truly disgusting way to characterize what shoudl be a partnership toward the discovery and uncovering of the Self.

I make myself sick by even thinking about my prior plan to pay him for grades. Truly repulsive. How could I have even considered such a vile plan? How would I live with myself for distorting the purity of his social and emotional
development. What kind of monstrous, control-freak, adbusive creature am I?

Hey this sounds pretty good! I’m almost convinced! Plus I get to save a few thousand bucks. not bad…[/quote]

Have you ever considered homeschooling or “independent study”?

It sounds to me like your son is perfectly capable of focusing and is intelligent enough to seek out new materials that interest him. Why not ask him what he wants to do in life, and help him work toward those goals?

Some kids, especially the very intelligent ones, feel that high school is a waste of time, and they can easily be drawn into the wrong crowd and the wrong activities. If there are social issues which make him uncomfortable, that might make school even more miserable for him.

Another possible benefit is that a homeschooled/I.S. student can attend a local community college, and those credits can apply to his/her general ed requirements (this was the case many years ago…confirm with someone who knows the details on this).

Here’s one possible idea:

http://www.sandiegohomeschool.org/index.html

[CA renter]

[quote=scaredycat]Paying for grades would be contrary to everything I believe in. Why would I want my kid to focus on his grades rather than the substance of the subject matter? Would it be betetr to ace all one’s spanish tests and not speak a word, or to learn spanish int he streets but get a C on he test. Clearly, reality ttrumps, and grades are a far second to the actual knowledge gained into the subjectmatter, but more important,t he insight gained into one’s self, one’s abilities, one’s limitations — one’s very soul… I don’t care about him fitting into some societal mold, worrying about the status of the particular colleges he might be accepted to, trying to put him in a certain box or on a certain c areer track.. WHy assume he even has an interest in pursuing such a path. Let the journey be fully his. Why not leave him open to the full expanse of humn possibility, let him figure out whether competing for grades is something he wants to do, instead of imposing my worldview on him? Perhaps he will be an independent tradesman,a pool repairman or a plumber or a roofer,, or some other potentially lucrative trade, (but perhaps without the social status I might crave), rather than pursuing some soulless career in a cubicle manipulating information for his masters.

Better to foster an independent spirit, and there is nothing that would quash any burgeoning spirit of indpendence than paying money for a specified level of performance. I might as well pay him to believe in God, or compensate him fianncially for falling in love in the manner which and witha wpartner whom I find appropriate, or give him an extra hunskie if he can demonstrate that he is truly moved by a piece of music; it is that repugnant to human decency.

You cannot control the basis of human emotion and experience, and at its base, money–paying money–is a feeble and pathetic means of trying to exert contorl over this most personal, most critical matter –the matter of the formation fo the self and its relation to society, to learning and to the search for one’s place within society. Money puts him in the position of servant, of employee, and I his master, a truly disgusting way to characterize what shoudl be a partnership toward the discovery and uncovering of the Self.

I make myself sick by even thinking about my prior plan to pay him for grades. Truly repulsive. How could I have even considered such a vile plan? How would I live with myself for distorting the purity of his social and emotional
development. What kind of monstrous, control-freak, adbusive creature am I?

Hey this sounds pretty good! I’m almost convinced! Plus I get to save a few thousand bucks. not bad…[/quote]

Have you ever considered homeschooling or “independent study”?

It sounds to me like your son is perfectly capable of focusing and is intelligent enough to seek out new materials that interest him. Why not ask him what he wants to do in life, and help him work toward those goals?

Some kids, especially the very intelligent ones, feel that high school is a waste of time, and they can easily be drawn into the wrong crowd and the wrong activities. If there are social issues which make him uncomfortable, that might make school even more miserable for him.

Another possible benefit is that a homeschooled/I.S. student can attend a local community college, and those credits can apply to his/her general ed requirements (this was the case many years ago…confirm with someone who knows the details on this).

Here’s one possible idea:

http://www.sandiegohomeschool.org/index.html

[temeculaguy]

Padre, I know it’s late in the thread, but I have been mulling over your comment because it hits home for me. My son is nearing 16, a little background, he is straight A kid and a multi sport athlete. I worked from the day I turned 16 to the present, never even had a week between jobs, but I find it hard to compare my life to his. He goes to school an hour before school for sports and stays three hours after school for sports (some semesters he is in two sports and always in ap classes), he gets no summer, school ended yesterday and football starts monday, goes all summer, with only a couple of weeks alloted for family vacations in the middle, even those are in jepordy because he is taking ap accelerated courses during that time. As that sport ends, the next begins, and so on. I know the merits of a job, I had one as a teenager but I didn’t have his schedule, high school sports didn’t seem as demanding in my day, nor did the classes, the kid loves it, I can’t see taking him out of it just to work when it isn’t about the money but the lesson. I have no delusions that he will become a professional athlete, it is merely a hobby, but I don’t see where he can fit in a job with his schedule (he is out of the house 12 hours and then does homework, showers, eats and goes to bed) and I fear the grades will suffer or he will quit sports if he gets a job. I paid for my car and social life with my earnings at his age, I am faced with either depriving him of a car and a social life or funding it myself, which isn’t a problem it’s just the missed financial lessons that a job brings. I am really not sure what to do. It’s quite the pickle, on one hand he has one hell of a work ethic (grades and six pack abs to prove it) but on the other hand he is missing out on basic econmics by not working. I have an older paid off car I was going to give him, more for me than him, I’m sick of driving him, but then I worry that I will be jipping him, I wasn’t given a car when I turned 16, I got a job, then bought one at some point. It’s so easy to parent until you actually have to.

I think Mark Twain said something like this once “when I was 23, my dad was an idiot, I could barely stand to listen to him. When I was 30, he was a genius, it is amazing how much he learned in seven years.”

[temeculaguy]

Padre, I know it’s late in the thread, but I have been mulling over your comment because it hits home for me. My son is nearing 16, a little background, he is straight A kid and a multi sport athlete. I worked from the day I turned 16 to the present, never even had a week between jobs, but I find it hard to compare my life to his. He goes to school an hour before school for sports and stays three hours after school for sports (some semesters he is in two sports and always in ap classes), he gets no summer, school ended yesterday and football starts monday, goes all summer, with only a couple of weeks alloted for family vacations in the middle, even those are in jepordy because he is taking ap accelerated courses during that time. As that sport ends, the next begins, and so on. I know the merits of a job, I had one as a teenager but I didn’t have his schedule, high school sports didn’t seem as demanding in my day, nor did the classes, the kid loves it, I can’t see taking him out of it just to work when it isn’t about the money but the lesson. I have no delusions that he will become a professional athlete, it is merely a hobby, but I don’t see where he can fit in a job with his schedule (he is out of the house 12 hours and then does homework, showers, eats and goes to bed) and I fear the grades will suffer or he will quit sports if he gets a job. I paid for my car and social life with my earnings at his age, I am faced with either depriving him of a car and a social life or funding it myself, which isn’t a problem it’s just the missed financial lessons that a job brings. I am really not sure what to do. It’s quite the pickle, on one hand he has one hell of a work ethic (grades and six pack abs to prove it) but on the other hand he is missing out on basic econmics by not working. I have an older paid off car I was going to give him, more for me than him, I’m sick of driving him, but then I worry that I will be jipping him, I wasn’t given a car when I turned 16, I got a job, then bought one at some point. It’s so easy to parent until you actually have to.

I think Mark Twain said something like this once “when I was 23, my dad was an idiot, I could barely stand to listen to him. When I was 30, he was a genius, it is amazing how much he learned in seven years.”

[temeculaguy]

Padre, I know it’s late in the thread, but I have been mulling over your comment because it hits home for me. My son is nearing 16, a little background, he is straight A kid and a multi sport athlete. I worked from the day I turned 16 to the present, never even had a week between jobs, but I find it hard to compare my life to his. He goes to school an hour before school for sports and stays three hours after school for sports (some semesters he is in two sports and always in ap classes), he gets no summer, school ended yesterday and football starts monday, goes all summer, with only a couple of weeks alloted for family vacations in the middle, even those are in jepordy because he is taking ap accelerated courses during that time. As that sport ends, the next begins, and so on. I know the merits of a job, I had one as a teenager but I didn’t have his schedule, high school sports didn’t seem as demanding in my day, nor did the classes, the kid loves it, I can’t see taking him out of it just to work when it isn’t about the money but the lesson. I have no delusions that he will become a professional athlete, it is merely a hobby, but I don’t see where he can fit in a job with his schedule (he is out of the house 12 hours and then does homework, showers, eats and goes to bed) and I fear the grades will suffer or he will quit sports if he gets a job. I paid for my car and social life with my earnings at his age, I am faced with either depriving him of a car and a social life or funding it myself, which isn’t a problem it’s just the missed financial lessons that a job brings. I am really not sure what to do. It’s quite the pickle, on one hand he has one hell of a work ethic (grades and six pack abs to prove it) but on the other hand he is missing out on basic econmics by not working. I have an older paid off car I was going to give him, more for me than him, I’m sick of driving him, but then I worry that I will be jipping him, I wasn’t given a car when I turned 16, I got a job, then bought one at some point. It’s so easy to parent until you actually have to.

I think Mark Twain said something like this once “when I was 23, my dad was an idiot, I could barely stand to listen to him. When I was 30, he was a genius, it is amazing how much he learned in seven years.”

[temeculaguy]

Padre, I know it’s late in the thread, but I have been mulling over your comment because it hits home for me. My son is nearing 16, a little background, he is straight A kid and a multi sport athlete. I worked from the day I turned 16 to the present, never even had a week between jobs, but I find it hard to compare my life to his. He goes to school an hour before school for sports and stays three hours after school for sports (some semesters he is in two sports and always in ap classes), he gets no summer, school ended yesterday and football starts monday, goes all summer, with only a couple of weeks alloted for family vacations in the middle, even those are in jepordy because he is taking ap accelerated courses during that time. As that sport ends, the next begins, and so on. I know the merits of a job, I had one as a teenager but I didn’t have his schedule, high school sports didn’t seem as demanding in my day, nor did the classes, the kid loves it, I can’t see taking him out of it just to work when it isn’t about the money but the lesson. I have no delusions that he will become a professional athlete, it is merely a hobby, but I don’t see where he can fit in a job with his schedule (he is out of the house 12 hours and then does homework, showers, eats and goes to bed) and I fear the grades will suffer or he will quit sports if he gets a job. I paid for my car and social life with my earnings at his age, I am faced with either depriving him of a car and a social life or funding it myself, which isn’t a problem it’s just the missed financial lessons that a job brings. I am really not sure what to do. It’s quite the pickle, on one hand he has one hell of a work ethic (grades and six pack abs to prove it) but on the other hand he is missing out on basic econmics by not working. I have an older paid off car I was going to give him, more for me than him, I’m sick of driving him, but then I worry that I will be jipping him, I wasn’t given a car when I turned 16, I got a job, then bought one at some point. It’s so easy to parent until you actually have to.

I think Mark Twain said something like this once “when I was 23, my dad was an idiot, I could barely stand to listen to him. When I was 30, he was a genius, it is amazing how much he learned in seven years.”

[Author]

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