OT: Paying Kids For Grades in HS

[svelte]

[quote=meadandale]@davelj

Paying children to pay attention in school only ensures that they will expect some kind of reward throughout their lives for trivial things. This is NOT like the real world. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of managing people like this..lazy and unmotivated.

This is yet another example of the crap I see parents doing now that would never have happened when I was in school and is resulting in a generation of lazy kids with an entitlement mentality.[/quote]

What a load of hogwash!

I’ve heard of kids getting paid for grades since I was a tot!

In addition, if I pay them for their grades they have a little spending dough and don’t have to take a job which would definitely affect their grades.

It is pay for performance, baby. Just like happens in the workplace.

You do work, don’t you? And I assume you expect to be paid for that work?

[Coronita]

[quote=scaredycat]library. check. every week. voracious reader.

museums. check . occasional (usually not inspiring).

work with him. check. we have nightly dinner table conversations about my interesting line fo work which is related tomany lfie issues.

why is it either/or? does this ultimately come down to “money is dirty” argument? I wonder whether some of the “just get out there in the world and spend time with the” theorists actually have kids in an actual school system. it’s not like some fantasy ncie school. it’s a mill…

intact family. I’m his genetic dad. his genetic mom is vehemently opposed to the scheme. I am storngly in favor. I think the combination of payment as a carrot, punishments as th e stick along the way for repeated noncompliance with daily assignments, coupled with help and general praise and feedback along the course of the semester, would prove to be sucha potent combination that he might actually do what is required… consdier this hypothetical.

did the kennedy kids have a dealwhere they were each paid a million upon graduating college? i seem to recall reading that somewhere…

so, what of that? if a kid were to be paid some huge sum, would that somehow “ruin” their life and future education? they might enjoy the material or not, might enjoy the experience or not regardless of whether moneyw as involved. but i bet if a kid were offered a million dollars to nail all A’s in high school, that he would probably really try to get all A’s, and if the kid had minimal aptitude and maximial drive, he would almost certainly achieve the goal…and arguably have learned an important lesson on focussing in ona goal…[/quote]

Well, honestly, it’s your son. So it’s really a personal thing for how you want to handle it.

Unfortunately, I think your analogy to the Kennedy’s or say Bill Gates’ family is slightly not an apples to apples comparison. I’ll reserve judgment on whether it’s right or wrong since that is subjective. However, Kennedy’s Bill Gate’s and even the Paris Hilton’s do have enough “FU money” so it is economically feasible for those parents and family to sustain a forever self entitled kid, dangling carrot in front of them, because for practical purposes there is no financial limit. In your particular case, your wallet is most likely limited and this sort of carrot stick approach is not sustainable. just saying…

And again, I think you need to figure out which carrot works with your son. Money is probably abstract for him, if all he does is stay at home.
You know, I wouldn’t worry about it.. All he needs to do is meet some hot chick in 9th grade, and then pretty soon, he’ll want money for the movies, money for gifts, a car to go places, etc 🙂 That’s right. Maybe you should try to introduce him to some girls.

Yes, i hear you about the state of public education. I’ve been attending some of my friend’s K pre-enrollment stuff. I have to say, it’s pretty *interesting*. First, there is an assessment done on the kid, and your kid gets bucketed into “focus groups” were special teachers try to “help” bring those deficiencies on par. Second, there was this nice exercise that kids had to do in which for a hour each kid had to say a compliment to another kid. The point was to build self esteem for kids.. I started cracking up a little thinking WTF and got the most nastiest stares from some of the parents. Third, the emphasis on test and test scoring me thinks had a lot to do with the “no kid left behind concept” in scoring counted toward the ranking of the school. Fourth, the awards for perfect attendance have ulterior motives. Schools don’t get paid when kids skip classes. Hence, you have schools giving away cars for perfect attendance.

http://www.10news.com/news/19712676/detail.html

My approach, which I’m sure many parents will also disagree with is…..

* Make my kid do the best they can regardless of their intellectual abilities. I won’t care if my kid gets B’s if my kid is really trying. If it’s lazy, that I’ll deal with it the deprivation of privileges.

* find my kid a really smart friend(s) preferrably with really annoying parents that always say how smart and wonderful their kid is….hopefully to create a little insecurity on my kid to motivate do actually work a bit to keep up. Nothing like good old fashion competition in a a capitalist society.

* Make sure my kid has decent social skills

* Make my kid “respect” money

* Create wealth for my family and ideally a self sustaining business
* Let my kid build off of my own wealth and what I leave behind when the time comes… (hopefully my kid will have the work ethics.)

Perhaps my kid isn’t entitled to the things/breaks that I create…But, judging from all this bailout, and subsidies I’ve been seeing, neither are some of the other folks.

[Coronita]

[quote=scaredycat]library. check. every week. voracious reader.

museums. check . occasional (usually not inspiring).

work with him. check. we have nightly dinner table conversations about my interesting line fo work which is related tomany lfie issues.

why is it either/or? does this ultimately come down to “money is dirty” argument? I wonder whether some of the “just get out there in the world and spend time with the” theorists actually have kids in an actual school system. it’s not like some fantasy ncie school. it’s a mill…

intact family. I’m his genetic dad. his genetic mom is vehemently opposed to the scheme. I am storngly in favor. I think the combination of payment as a carrot, punishments as th e stick along the way for repeated noncompliance with daily assignments, coupled with help and general praise and feedback along the course of the semester, would prove to be sucha potent combination that he might actually do what is required… consdier this hypothetical.

did the kennedy kids have a dealwhere they were each paid a million upon graduating college? i seem to recall reading that somewhere…

so, what of that? if a kid were to be paid some huge sum, would that somehow “ruin” their life and future education? they might enjoy the material or not, might enjoy the experience or not regardless of whether moneyw as involved. but i bet if a kid were offered a million dollars to nail all A’s in high school, that he would probably really try to get all A’s, and if the kid had minimal aptitude and maximial drive, he would almost certainly achieve the goal…and arguably have learned an important lesson on focussing in ona goal…[/quote]

Well, honestly, it’s your son. So it’s really a personal thing for how you want to handle it.

Unfortunately, I think your analogy to the Kennedy’s or say Bill Gates’ family is slightly not an apples to apples comparison. I’ll reserve judgment on whether it’s right or wrong since that is subjective. However, Kennedy’s Bill Gate’s and even the Paris Hilton’s do have enough “FU money” so it is economically feasible for those parents and family to sustain a forever self entitled kid, dangling carrot in front of them, because for practical purposes there is no financial limit. In your particular case, your wallet is most likely limited and this sort of carrot stick approach is not sustainable. just saying…

And again, I think you need to figure out which carrot works with your son. Money is probably abstract for him, if all he does is stay at home.
You know, I wouldn’t worry about it.. All he needs to do is meet some hot chick in 9th grade, and then pretty soon, he’ll want money for the movies, money for gifts, a car to go places, etc 🙂 That’s right. Maybe you should try to introduce him to some girls.

Yes, i hear you about the state of public education. I’ve been attending some of my friend’s K pre-enrollment stuff. I have to say, it’s pretty *interesting*. First, there is an assessment done on the kid, and your kid gets bucketed into “focus groups” were special teachers try to “help” bring those deficiencies on par. Second, there was this nice exercise that kids had to do in which for a hour each kid had to say a compliment to another kid. The point was to build self esteem for kids.. I started cracking up a little thinking WTF and got the most nastiest stares from some of the parents. Third, the emphasis on test and test scoring me thinks had a lot to do with the “no kid left behind concept” in scoring counted toward the ranking of the school. Fourth, the awards for perfect attendance have ulterior motives. Schools don’t get paid when kids skip classes. Hence, you have schools giving away cars for perfect attendance.

http://www.10news.com/news/19712676/detail.html

My approach, which I’m sure many parents will also disagree with is…..

* Make my kid do the best they can regardless of their intellectual abilities. I won’t care if my kid gets B’s if my kid is really trying. If it’s lazy, that I’ll deal with it the deprivation of privileges.

* find my kid a really smart friend(s) preferrably with really annoying parents that always say how smart and wonderful their kid is….hopefully to create a little insecurity on my kid to motivate do actually work a bit to keep up. Nothing like good old fashion competition in a a capitalist society.

* Make sure my kid has decent social skills

* Make my kid “respect” money

* Create wealth for my family and ideally a self sustaining business
* Let my kid build off of my own wealth and what I leave behind when the time comes… (hopefully my kid will have the work ethics.)

Perhaps my kid isn’t entitled to the things/breaks that I create…But, judging from all this bailout, and subsidies I’ve been seeing, neither are some of the other folks.

[Coronita]

[quote=scaredycat]library. check. every week. voracious reader.

museums. check . occasional (usually not inspiring).

work with him. check. we have nightly dinner table conversations about my interesting line fo work which is related tomany lfie issues.

why is it either/or? does this ultimately come down to “money is dirty” argument? I wonder whether some of the “just get out there in the world and spend time with the” theorists actually have kids in an actual school system. it’s not like some fantasy ncie school. it’s a mill…

intact family. I’m his genetic dad. his genetic mom is vehemently opposed to the scheme. I am storngly in favor. I think the combination of payment as a carrot, punishments as th e stick along the way for repeated noncompliance with daily assignments, coupled with help and general praise and feedback along the course of the semester, would prove to be sucha potent combination that he might actually do what is required… consdier this hypothetical.

did the kennedy kids have a dealwhere they were each paid a million upon graduating college? i seem to recall reading that somewhere…

so, what of that? if a kid were to be paid some huge sum, would that somehow “ruin” their life and future education? they might enjoy the material or not, might enjoy the experience or not regardless of whether moneyw as involved. but i bet if a kid were offered a million dollars to nail all A’s in high school, that he would probably really try to get all A’s, and if the kid had minimal aptitude and maximial drive, he would almost certainly achieve the goal…and arguably have learned an important lesson on focussing in ona goal…[/quote]

Well, honestly, it’s your son. So it’s really a personal thing for how you want to handle it.

Unfortunately, I think your analogy to the Kennedy’s or say Bill Gates’ family is slightly not an apples to apples comparison. I’ll reserve judgment on whether it’s right or wrong since that is subjective. However, Kennedy’s Bill Gate’s and even the Paris Hilton’s do have enough “FU money” so it is economically feasible for those parents and family to sustain a forever self entitled kid, dangling carrot in front of them, because for practical purposes there is no financial limit. In your particular case, your wallet is most likely limited and this sort of carrot stick approach is not sustainable. just saying…

And again, I think you need to figure out which carrot works with your son. Money is probably abstract for him, if all he does is stay at home.
You know, I wouldn’t worry about it.. All he needs to do is meet some hot chick in 9th grade, and then pretty soon, he’ll want money for the movies, money for gifts, a car to go places, etc 🙂 That’s right. Maybe you should try to introduce him to some girls.

Yes, i hear you about the state of public education. I’ve been attending some of my friend’s K pre-enrollment stuff. I have to say, it’s pretty *interesting*. First, there is an assessment done on the kid, and your kid gets bucketed into “focus groups” were special teachers try to “help” bring those deficiencies on par. Second, there was this nice exercise that kids had to do in which for a hour each kid had to say a compliment to another kid. The point was to build self esteem for kids.. I started cracking up a little thinking WTF and got the most nastiest stares from some of the parents. Third, the emphasis on test and test scoring me thinks had a lot to do with the “no kid left behind concept” in scoring counted toward the ranking of the school. Fourth, the awards for perfect attendance have ulterior motives. Schools don’t get paid when kids skip classes. Hence, you have schools giving away cars for perfect attendance.

http://www.10news.com/news/19712676/detail.html

My approach, which I’m sure many parents will also disagree with is…..

* Make my kid do the best they can regardless of their intellectual abilities. I won’t care if my kid gets B’s if my kid is really trying. If it’s lazy, that I’ll deal with it the deprivation of privileges.

* find my kid a really smart friend(s) preferrably with really annoying parents that always say how smart and wonderful their kid is….hopefully to create a little insecurity on my kid to motivate do actually work a bit to keep up. Nothing like good old fashion competition in a a capitalist society.

* Make sure my kid has decent social skills

* Make my kid “respect” money

* Create wealth for my family and ideally a self sustaining business
* Let my kid build off of my own wealth and what I leave behind when the time comes… (hopefully my kid will have the work ethics.)

Perhaps my kid isn’t entitled to the things/breaks that I create…But, judging from all this bailout, and subsidies I’ve been seeing, neither are some of the other folks.

[Coronita]

[quote=scaredycat]library. check. every week. voracious reader.

museums. check . occasional (usually not inspiring).

work with him. check. we have nightly dinner table conversations about my interesting line fo work which is related tomany lfie issues.

why is it either/or? does this ultimately come down to “money is dirty” argument? I wonder whether some of the “just get out there in the world and spend time with the” theorists actually have kids in an actual school system. it’s not like some fantasy ncie school. it’s a mill…

intact family. I’m his genetic dad. his genetic mom is vehemently opposed to the scheme. I am storngly in favor. I think the combination of payment as a carrot, punishments as th e stick along the way for repeated noncompliance with daily assignments, coupled with help and general praise and feedback along the course of the semester, would prove to be sucha potent combination that he might actually do what is required… consdier this hypothetical.

did the kennedy kids have a dealwhere they were each paid a million upon graduating college? i seem to recall reading that somewhere…

so, what of that? if a kid were to be paid some huge sum, would that somehow “ruin” their life and future education? they might enjoy the material or not, might enjoy the experience or not regardless of whether moneyw as involved. but i bet if a kid were offered a million dollars to nail all A’s in high school, that he would probably really try to get all A’s, and if the kid had minimal aptitude and maximial drive, he would almost certainly achieve the goal…and arguably have learned an important lesson on focussing in ona goal…[/quote]

Well, honestly, it’s your son. So it’s really a personal thing for how you want to handle it.

Unfortunately, I think your analogy to the Kennedy’s or say Bill Gates’ family is slightly not an apples to apples comparison. I’ll reserve judgment on whether it’s right or wrong since that is subjective. However, Kennedy’s Bill Gate’s and even the Paris Hilton’s do have enough “FU money” so it is economically feasible for those parents and family to sustain a forever self entitled kid, dangling carrot in front of them, because for practical purposes there is no financial limit. In your particular case, your wallet is most likely limited and this sort of carrot stick approach is not sustainable. just saying…

And again, I think you need to figure out which carrot works with your son. Money is probably abstract for him, if all he does is stay at home.
You know, I wouldn’t worry about it.. All he needs to do is meet some hot chick in 9th grade, and then pretty soon, he’ll want money for the movies, money for gifts, a car to go places, etc 🙂 That’s right. Maybe you should try to introduce him to some girls.

Yes, i hear you about the state of public education. I’ve been attending some of my friend’s K pre-enrollment stuff. I have to say, it’s pretty *interesting*. First, there is an assessment done on the kid, and your kid gets bucketed into “focus groups” were special teachers try to “help” bring those deficiencies on par. Second, there was this nice exercise that kids had to do in which for a hour each kid had to say a compliment to another kid. The point was to build self esteem for kids.. I started cracking up a little thinking WTF and got the most nastiest stares from some of the parents. Third, the emphasis on test and test scoring me thinks had a lot to do with the “no kid left behind concept” in scoring counted toward the ranking of the school. Fourth, the awards for perfect attendance have ulterior motives. Schools don’t get paid when kids skip classes. Hence, you have schools giving away cars for perfect attendance.

http://www.10news.com/news/19712676/detail.html

My approach, which I’m sure many parents will also disagree with is…..

* Make my kid do the best they can regardless of their intellectual abilities. I won’t care if my kid gets B’s if my kid is really trying. If it’s lazy, that I’ll deal with it the deprivation of privileges.

* find my kid a really smart friend(s) preferrably with really annoying parents that always say how smart and wonderful their kid is….hopefully to create a little insecurity on my kid to motivate do actually work a bit to keep up. Nothing like good old fashion competition in a a capitalist society.

* Make sure my kid has decent social skills

* Make my kid “respect” money

* Create wealth for my family and ideally a self sustaining business
* Let my kid build off of my own wealth and what I leave behind when the time comes… (hopefully my kid will have the work ethics.)

Perhaps my kid isn’t entitled to the things/breaks that I create…But, judging from all this bailout, and subsidies I’ve been seeing, neither are some of the other folks.

[Coronita]

[quote=scaredycat]library. check. every week. voracious reader.

museums. check . occasional (usually not inspiring).

work with him. check. we have nightly dinner table conversations about my interesting line fo work which is related tomany lfie issues.

why is it either/or? does this ultimately come down to “money is dirty” argument? I wonder whether some of the “just get out there in the world and spend time with the” theorists actually have kids in an actual school system. it’s not like some fantasy ncie school. it’s a mill…

intact family. I’m his genetic dad. his genetic mom is vehemently opposed to the scheme. I am storngly in favor. I think the combination of payment as a carrot, punishments as th e stick along the way for repeated noncompliance with daily assignments, coupled with help and general praise and feedback along the course of the semester, would prove to be sucha potent combination that he might actually do what is required… consdier this hypothetical.

did the kennedy kids have a dealwhere they were each paid a million upon graduating college? i seem to recall reading that somewhere…

so, what of that? if a kid were to be paid some huge sum, would that somehow “ruin” their life and future education? they might enjoy the material or not, might enjoy the experience or not regardless of whether moneyw as involved. but i bet if a kid were offered a million dollars to nail all A’s in high school, that he would probably really try to get all A’s, and if the kid had minimal aptitude and maximial drive, he would almost certainly achieve the goal…and arguably have learned an important lesson on focussing in ona goal…[/quote]

Well, honestly, it’s your son. So it’s really a personal thing for how you want to handle it.

Unfortunately, I think your analogy to the Kennedy’s or say Bill Gates’ family is slightly not an apples to apples comparison. I’ll reserve judgment on whether it’s right or wrong since that is subjective. However, Kennedy’s Bill Gate’s and even the Paris Hilton’s do have enough “FU money” so it is economically feasible for those parents and family to sustain a forever self entitled kid, dangling carrot in front of them, because for practical purposes there is no financial limit. In your particular case, your wallet is most likely limited and this sort of carrot stick approach is not sustainable. just saying…

And again, I think you need to figure out which carrot works with your son. Money is probably abstract for him, if all he does is stay at home.
You know, I wouldn’t worry about it.. All he needs to do is meet some hot chick in 9th grade, and then pretty soon, he’ll want money for the movies, money for gifts, a car to go places, etc 🙂 That’s right. Maybe you should try to introduce him to some girls.

Yes, i hear you about the state of public education. I’ve been attending some of my friend’s K pre-enrollment stuff. I have to say, it’s pretty *interesting*. First, there is an assessment done on the kid, and your kid gets bucketed into “focus groups” were special teachers try to “help” bring those deficiencies on par. Second, there was this nice exercise that kids had to do in which for a hour each kid had to say a compliment to another kid. The point was to build self esteem for kids.. I started cracking up a little thinking WTF and got the most nastiest stares from some of the parents. Third, the emphasis on test and test scoring me thinks had a lot to do with the “no kid left behind concept” in scoring counted toward the ranking of the school. Fourth, the awards for perfect attendance have ulterior motives. Schools don’t get paid when kids skip classes. Hence, you have schools giving away cars for perfect attendance.

http://www.10news.com/news/19712676/detail.html

My approach, which I’m sure many parents will also disagree with is…..

* Make my kid do the best they can regardless of their intellectual abilities. I won’t care if my kid gets B’s if my kid is really trying. If it’s lazy, that I’ll deal with it the deprivation of privileges.

* find my kid a really smart friend(s) preferrably with really annoying parents that always say how smart and wonderful their kid is….hopefully to create a little insecurity on my kid to motivate do actually work a bit to keep up. Nothing like good old fashion competition in a a capitalist society.

* Make sure my kid has decent social skills

* Make my kid “respect” money

* Create wealth for my family and ideally a self sustaining business
* Let my kid build off of my own wealth and what I leave behind when the time comes… (hopefully my kid will have the work ethics.)

Perhaps my kid isn’t entitled to the things/breaks that I create…But, judging from all this bailout, and subsidies I’ve been seeing, neither are some of the other folks.

[sdduuuude]

[quote=scaredycat]library. check. every week. voracious reader.

museums. check . occasional (usually not inspiring).

work with him. check. we have nightly dinner table conversations about my interesting line fo work which is related tomany lfie issues.

…[/quote]

OK. Good.
How about sporting events (my kids LOVE going to soccer, basketball games in person), toy stores, hands-on science stuff ? Just thoughts.

[quote=scaredycat]why is it either/or? does this ultimately come down to “money is dirty” argument? I wonder whether some of the “just get out there in the world and spend time with the” theorists actually have kids in an actual school system. it’s not like some fantasy ncie school. it’s a mill…[/quote]

I have kids in the school system.
You’ll never get the “money is dirty” arg from me. I started paying my kids allowance when they were 4. They (twins) are 7 now and get paid by the job for chores. As such, they volunteer to work.

I think you have seen two questions.
1) Is it the right motivator ?
2) Is it motivating the right thing ?

Regarding #1 – Does he get allowance and spend his own money on things now, or does he need to come to you for money and things ? If he hasn’t had an allowance and hasn’t had to manage money as a scarce resource, then getting the money for grades won’t mean as much to him, I think. i.e. could be the wrong motivator.

Even if it is the right motivator, you say the school is a mill and just cranks out the homework – something you obviously aren’t loving. Well, if you pay him to get good grades, you are paying him to excel in an environment you don’t sound too happy with. Just seems odd to me.

Also, unless he shows some tendency to not get good grades, why bother ? Maybe the Kennedy kids would have excelled without the cash motivation. You’ll never know if you just throw money at the problem before it is a problem.

That is to say – maybe cash for grades is a good short-term motivator for a kid who is not doing well, but why go there if you don’t have to ?

[sdduuuude]

[quote=scaredycat]library. check. every week. voracious reader.

museums. check . occasional (usually not inspiring).

work with him. check. we have nightly dinner table conversations about my interesting line fo work which is related tomany lfie issues.

…[/quote]

OK. Good.
How about sporting events (my kids LOVE going to soccer, basketball games in person), toy stores, hands-on science stuff ? Just thoughts.

[quote=scaredycat]why is it either/or? does this ultimately come down to “money is dirty” argument? I wonder whether some of the “just get out there in the world and spend time with the” theorists actually have kids in an actual school system. it’s not like some fantasy ncie school. it’s a mill…[/quote]

I have kids in the school system.
You’ll never get the “money is dirty” arg from me. I started paying my kids allowance when they were 4. They (twins) are 7 now and get paid by the job for chores. As such, they volunteer to work.

I think you have seen two questions.
1) Is it the right motivator ?
2) Is it motivating the right thing ?

Regarding #1 – Does he get allowance and spend his own money on things now, or does he need to come to you for money and things ? If he hasn’t had an allowance and hasn’t had to manage money as a scarce resource, then getting the money for grades won’t mean as much to him, I think. i.e. could be the wrong motivator.

Even if it is the right motivator, you say the school is a mill and just cranks out the homework – something you obviously aren’t loving. Well, if you pay him to get good grades, you are paying him to excel in an environment you don’t sound too happy with. Just seems odd to me.

Also, unless he shows some tendency to not get good grades, why bother ? Maybe the Kennedy kids would have excelled without the cash motivation. You’ll never know if you just throw money at the problem before it is a problem.

That is to say – maybe cash for grades is a good short-term motivator for a kid who is not doing well, but why go there if you don’t have to ?

[sdduuuude]

[quote=scaredycat]library. check. every week. voracious reader.

museums. check . occasional (usually not inspiring).

work with him. check. we have nightly dinner table conversations about my interesting line fo work which is related tomany lfie issues.

…[/quote]

OK. Good.
How about sporting events (my kids LOVE going to soccer, basketball games in person), toy stores, hands-on science stuff ? Just thoughts.

[quote=scaredycat]why is it either/or? does this ultimately come down to “money is dirty” argument? I wonder whether some of the “just get out there in the world and spend time with the” theorists actually have kids in an actual school system. it’s not like some fantasy ncie school. it’s a mill…[/quote]

I have kids in the school system.
You’ll never get the “money is dirty” arg from me. I started paying my kids allowance when they were 4. They (twins) are 7 now and get paid by the job for chores. As such, they volunteer to work.

I think you have seen two questions.
1) Is it the right motivator ?
2) Is it motivating the right thing ?

Regarding #1 – Does he get allowance and spend his own money on things now, or does he need to come to you for money and things ? If he hasn’t had an allowance and hasn’t had to manage money as a scarce resource, then getting the money for grades won’t mean as much to him, I think. i.e. could be the wrong motivator.

Even if it is the right motivator, you say the school is a mill and just cranks out the homework – something you obviously aren’t loving. Well, if you pay him to get good grades, you are paying him to excel in an environment you don’t sound too happy with. Just seems odd to me.

Also, unless he shows some tendency to not get good grades, why bother ? Maybe the Kennedy kids would have excelled without the cash motivation. You’ll never know if you just throw money at the problem before it is a problem.

That is to say – maybe cash for grades is a good short-term motivator for a kid who is not doing well, but why go there if you don’t have to ?

[sdduuuude]

[quote=scaredycat]library. check. every week. voracious reader.

museums. check . occasional (usually not inspiring).

work with him. check. we have nightly dinner table conversations about my interesting line fo work which is related tomany lfie issues.

…[/quote]

OK. Good.
How about sporting events (my kids LOVE going to soccer, basketball games in person), toy stores, hands-on science stuff ? Just thoughts.

[quote=scaredycat]why is it either/or? does this ultimately come down to “money is dirty” argument? I wonder whether some of the “just get out there in the world and spend time with the” theorists actually have kids in an actual school system. it’s not like some fantasy ncie school. it’s a mill…[/quote]

I have kids in the school system.
You’ll never get the “money is dirty” arg from me. I started paying my kids allowance when they were 4. They (twins) are 7 now and get paid by the job for chores. As such, they volunteer to work.

I think you have seen two questions.
1) Is it the right motivator ?
2) Is it motivating the right thing ?

Regarding #1 – Does he get allowance and spend his own money on things now, or does he need to come to you for money and things ? If he hasn’t had an allowance and hasn’t had to manage money as a scarce resource, then getting the money for grades won’t mean as much to him, I think. i.e. could be the wrong motivator.

Even if it is the right motivator, you say the school is a mill and just cranks out the homework – something you obviously aren’t loving. Well, if you pay him to get good grades, you are paying him to excel in an environment you don’t sound too happy with. Just seems odd to me.

Also, unless he shows some tendency to not get good grades, why bother ? Maybe the Kennedy kids would have excelled without the cash motivation. You’ll never know if you just throw money at the problem before it is a problem.

That is to say – maybe cash for grades is a good short-term motivator for a kid who is not doing well, but why go there if you don’t have to ?

[sdduuuude]

[quote=scaredycat]library. check. every week. voracious reader.

museums. check . occasional (usually not inspiring).

work with him. check. we have nightly dinner table conversations about my interesting line fo work which is related tomany lfie issues.

…[/quote]

OK. Good.
How about sporting events (my kids LOVE going to soccer, basketball games in person), toy stores, hands-on science stuff ? Just thoughts.

[quote=scaredycat]why is it either/or? does this ultimately come down to “money is dirty” argument? I wonder whether some of the “just get out there in the world and spend time with the” theorists actually have kids in an actual school system. it’s not like some fantasy ncie school. it’s a mill…[/quote]

I have kids in the school system.
You’ll never get the “money is dirty” arg from me. I started paying my kids allowance when they were 4. They (twins) are 7 now and get paid by the job for chores. As such, they volunteer to work.

I think you have seen two questions.
1) Is it the right motivator ?
2) Is it motivating the right thing ?

Regarding #1 – Does he get allowance and spend his own money on things now, or does he need to come to you for money and things ? If he hasn’t had an allowance and hasn’t had to manage money as a scarce resource, then getting the money for grades won’t mean as much to him, I think. i.e. could be the wrong motivator.

Even if it is the right motivator, you say the school is a mill and just cranks out the homework – something you obviously aren’t loving. Well, if you pay him to get good grades, you are paying him to excel in an environment you don’t sound too happy with. Just seems odd to me.

Also, unless he shows some tendency to not get good grades, why bother ? Maybe the Kennedy kids would have excelled without the cash motivation. You’ll never know if you just throw money at the problem before it is a problem.

That is to say – maybe cash for grades is a good short-term motivator for a kid who is not doing well, but why go there if you don’t have to ?

[sdduuuude]

[quote=meadandale]I know parents who pay their kids for every little thing they do: take out the trash, mow the lawn, clean the toilet. Guess what happens when the money isn’t a motivator anymore (e.g. they have enough and would rather not do the work)? They tell their parents to (politely) piss off. What are you gonna do then?[/quote]

We just started doing this with our 7 year olds and it is excellent. They always volunteer or try to beat each other to doing chores. They also learn to manage money.

My goal, always and forever, is to make my kids independent from me. That underlying principle drives everything I do with my kids.

At any age, if the money isn’t a motivator anymore, then one of three things has happened:

1) They have worked hard and gotten all the money the need, which is a good thing.
2) They have figured out how to live with less, which is a good thing.
3) They have found a different way to make more money than I am paying them, another good thing.

In these cases, I have many options depending on their age. I can find harder jobs that pay more, stop buying them food, ask that they pay rent, ask that they pay for things I usually paid for in the past, kick them out of the house, etc.

You can always make money a motivator by not spoiling them in the first place.

Money is always a motivator if you are free to spend it yourself. Kids get a taste of the freedom associated with spending their own money and they are hooked forever.

[sdduuuude]

[quote=meadandale]I know parents who pay their kids for every little thing they do: take out the trash, mow the lawn, clean the toilet. Guess what happens when the money isn’t a motivator anymore (e.g. they have enough and would rather not do the work)? They tell their parents to (politely) piss off. What are you gonna do then?[/quote]

We just started doing this with our 7 year olds and it is excellent. They always volunteer or try to beat each other to doing chores. They also learn to manage money.

My goal, always and forever, is to make my kids independent from me. That underlying principle drives everything I do with my kids.

At any age, if the money isn’t a motivator anymore, then one of three things has happened:

1) They have worked hard and gotten all the money the need, which is a good thing.
2) They have figured out how to live with less, which is a good thing.
3) They have found a different way to make more money than I am paying them, another good thing.

In these cases, I have many options depending on their age. I can find harder jobs that pay more, stop buying them food, ask that they pay rent, ask that they pay for things I usually paid for in the past, kick them out of the house, etc.

You can always make money a motivator by not spoiling them in the first place.

Money is always a motivator if you are free to spend it yourself. Kids get a taste of the freedom associated with spending their own money and they are hooked forever.

[sdduuuude]

[quote=meadandale]I know parents who pay their kids for every little thing they do: take out the trash, mow the lawn, clean the toilet. Guess what happens when the money isn’t a motivator anymore (e.g. they have enough and would rather not do the work)? They tell their parents to (politely) piss off. What are you gonna do then?[/quote]

We just started doing this with our 7 year olds and it is excellent. They always volunteer or try to beat each other to doing chores. They also learn to manage money.

My goal, always and forever, is to make my kids independent from me. That underlying principle drives everything I do with my kids.

At any age, if the money isn’t a motivator anymore, then one of three things has happened:

1) They have worked hard and gotten all the money the need, which is a good thing.
2) They have figured out how to live with less, which is a good thing.
3) They have found a different way to make more money than I am paying them, another good thing.

In these cases, I have many options depending on their age. I can find harder jobs that pay more, stop buying them food, ask that they pay rent, ask that they pay for things I usually paid for in the past, kick them out of the house, etc.

You can always make money a motivator by not spoiling them in the first place.

Money is always a motivator if you are free to spend it yourself. Kids get a taste of the freedom associated with spending their own money and they are hooked forever.

[sdduuuude]

[quote=meadandale]I know parents who pay their kids for every little thing they do: take out the trash, mow the lawn, clean the toilet. Guess what happens when the money isn’t a motivator anymore (e.g. they have enough and would rather not do the work)? They tell their parents to (politely) piss off. What are you gonna do then?[/quote]

We just started doing this with our 7 year olds and it is excellent. They always volunteer or try to beat each other to doing chores. They also learn to manage money.

My goal, always and forever, is to make my kids independent from me. That underlying principle drives everything I do with my kids.

At any age, if the money isn’t a motivator anymore, then one of three things has happened:

1) They have worked hard and gotten all the money the need, which is a good thing.
2) They have figured out how to live with less, which is a good thing.
3) They have found a different way to make more money than I am paying them, another good thing.

In these cases, I have many options depending on their age. I can find harder jobs that pay more, stop buying them food, ask that they pay rent, ask that they pay for things I usually paid for in the past, kick them out of the house, etc.

You can always make money a motivator by not spoiling them in the first place.

Money is always a motivator if you are free to spend it yourself. Kids get a taste of the freedom associated with spending their own money and they are hooked forever.

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