OT: How much baggage will you accept?

[NotCranky]

[quote=FlyerInHi]Sure I understand that it’s not all looks and money. Each person is free to define his own parameters.

But if the basic premise is that people deserve each other, then I’m a loss to explain the divorce rate.[/quote]

A lot of people who deserve each other actually can’t tolerate each other or are otherwise mismatched. I shouldn’t have brought up divorce, divorce and breakups are different than water seeking it’s own level.They are not mutually exclusive at all. Scaredy’s system could help though , if one person aged better than the other he could get them to eat a lot of donuts and balance things out.

[CDMA ENG]

[quote=kev374]
But that wasn’t enough for her, she still wanted her $25k fairy tale wedding, at least a $5k ring (to her I was getting off cheap as her friends had received $15k rings), wanted to honeymoon in the Maldives etc. etc. I was disturbed by this as these expectations from someone who does not have any money in the bank is just too much!

And she wonders why I bailed on her. Do you see how absolutely irrational this woman is? LOL![/quote]

DUDE! Now I am wondering about your rationality! 25K for a fairy tale wedding? LOL! Hardly a fairy tale wedding. I had a small to medium size wedding and it ran my that… It was a nice wedding but nothing that will get me noted in the society pages… 25K for a wedding is small potatoes…

5K for a ring is on the cheap side…

Again I am not a big baller and a bit on the cheap side but what you are complaining about is a normal cost by today’s standard for a small to medium size wedding…

These are the costs of “doing business”.

CE

[CDMA ENG]

[quote=scaredyclassic]Actually I’m seriously thinking about opening a donut shop.[/quote]

All I can think about from this statement is Scaredy acting like Ben Stiller in Dodge Ball.

CE

[NotCranky]

Kev, I think your should have looked at the hate mail or whatever it was and said to yourself
“good she’s venting if she needs to”. Hopefully it helps her . That’s what a gentleman would do. If you think about her at all, you must only hope for the best for her unless you are unkind. Unless you are crazy, eventually you wan’t begrudge her for her failings, so get started now. Don’t get worked up about it. If she stalks call the cops. Rehashing your version of who she is is a big mistake. Let G-d deal with that. None of your business anymore. Don’t let her be your ex, let her be your “prior girlfriend” or a ” woman you dated for a while” . it’s nothing anymore ,so treat it that way. Rehashing over what a stupid and unworthy person your “ex” is , you couldn’t do worse than that. Might as well have married her.

If you are a good catch in your mind ,just think about that and go get someone new. It’s easy at your age if you are. Women want to meet you …just get someone new and for god’s sake don’t harp on your “ex” to her, unless you want to make sure she isn’t hoping for a second date.

[flyer]

The concept of “opposites attract” has been around forever, and it may be true for some, but my wife and I feel that coming from the same socieoeconomic backgrounds, and having the same beliefs, values, priorities, etc. has worked well for us.

As everyone, we have disagreements about various things, but, fundamentally, we’re on the same page about most things, and that has really enhanced our lives and cemented our relationship over the many years we’ve been married.

There are definitely other women out there who are probably a better match for you, Kev, and I hope you cross paths with one soon.

[kev374]

[quote=CDMA ENG]
DUDE! Now I am wondering about your rationality! 25K for a fairy tale wedding? LOL! Hardly a fairy tale wedding. [/quote]

Dude. It’s all relative. For some $25k is small potatoes, for some it’s a huge amount. You cannot make a blanket statement like that. Each person’s financial circumstances are different.

I dislike weddings for many reasons… that’s a whole other topic but if I had my wish I would just go quietly to a courthouse and get married for the cost of the court fees, then probably have a ceremony with close friends in my backyard. Nothing more required.

I hate the wedding industry and it’s practices of price gouging… inflating all costs by 300% and frankly suckering their customers into paying.

Yes, if my partner wanted a $25k or $30k wedding I would acquiesce but only if they had something financially to contribute towards it.

And if my partner had not only nothing to contribute but on the other hand had only liabilities to bring into the marriage I would never agree to it at all.

[scaredyclassic]

25k is dumb for a wedding. It may be the cost of doing business with a normal woman. I recommend an oddball woman.

[FlyerInHi]

Depends on your point of view about weddings.

But if you must have one according to “norms” or “business as usual”, $25,000 for a wedding and $5,000 for a ring is cheap.

A wedding band is cheap… but an engagement ring is expensive. The jewelry industry’s standard is 1 year’s salary on a ring, so the more you make, the more you’re expected to spend.

I understand that a sought after woman expects at least 2 carats. So think $50,000 and higher just for the ring. Pretty much the price of a luxury car, depending on the level of luxury.

Next time you go to a country club or nice restaurant, look at the women’s rings. They love to show them off.

Not taking a position… but just saying what the cost of doing business is.

BTW, in Western culture, the man pays for the engagement ring. But the woman’s family pays for the wedding. If her family can’t pay, then she shouldn’t ask for it. And if she wants the wedding anyway then it shows her parents didn’t raise her well and she’s not worth marrying.

[CDMA ENG]

[quote=kev374][quote=CDMA ENG]
DUDE! Now I am wondering about your rationality! 25K for a fairy tale wedding? LOL! Hardly a fairy tale wedding. [/quote]

Dude. It’s all relative. For some $25k is small potatoes, for some it’s a huge amount. You cannot make a blanket statement like that. Each person’s financial circumstances are different.

I dislike weddings for many reasons… that’s a whole other topic but if I had my wish I would just go quietly to a courthouse and get married for the cost of the court fees, then probably have a ceremony with close friends in my backyard. Nothing more required.

I hate the wedding industry and it’s practices of price gouging… inflating all costs by 300% and frankly suckering their customers into paying.

Yes, if my partner wanted a $25k or $30k wedding I would acquiesce but only if they had something financially to contribute towards it.

And if my partner had not only nothing to contribute but on the other hand had only liabilities to bring into the marriage I would never agree to it at all.[/quote]

Brother… You make more than me… and like I said Im cheap. I agree with all your points but if you think you are getting married at City Hall… Good luck with that… And if you do… She’s a keeper..

The only way the City Hall marriage usually happens… is if she come with baggage and is on a second marriage… Or your 55 years old already and it just doesn’t matter…

So yeah I can make blanket statement like that…

BTW… I got married at 40..

CE

BTW… I should have mentioned that though me and my wife don’t have a fairy tale marriage either…

She was well worth it…

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=CDMA ENG][quote=kev374][quote=CDMA ENG]
DUDE! Now I am wondering about your rationality! 25K for a fairy tale wedding? LOL! Hardly a fairy tale wedding. [/quote]

Dude. It’s all relative. For some $25k is small potatoes, for some it’s a huge amount. You cannot make a blanket statement like that. Each person’s financial circumstances are different.

I dislike weddings for many reasons… that’s a whole other topic but if I had my wish I would just go quietly to a courthouse and get married for the cost of the court fees, then probably have a ceremony with close friends in my backyard. Nothing more required.

I hate the wedding industry and it’s practices of price gouging… inflating all costs by 300% and frankly suckering their customers into paying.

Yes, if my partner wanted a $25k or $30k wedding I would acquiesce but only if they had something financially to contribute towards it.

And if my partner had not only nothing to contribute but on the other hand had only liabilities to bring into the marriage I would never agree to it at all.[/quote]

Brother… You make more than me… and like I said Im cheap. I agree with all your points but if you think you are getting married at City Hall… Good luck with that… And if you do… She’s a keeper..

The only way the City Hall marriage usually happens… is if she come with baggage and is on a second marriage… Or your 55 years old already and it just doesn’t matter…

So yeah I can make blanket statement like that…

BTW… I got married at 40..

CE

BTW… I should have mentioned that though me and my wife don’t have a fairy tale marriage either…

She was well worth it…[/quote]

No diamonds.
Buffet wedding in cheap place.
Save the money you’ll need it

[scaredyclassic]

[quote=FlyerInHi]Depends on your point of view about weddings.

But if you must have one according to “norms” or “business as usual”, $25,000 for a wedding and $5,000 for a ring is cheap.

A wedding band is cheap… but an engagement ring is expensive. The jewelry industry’s standard is 1 year’s salary on a ring, so the more you make, the more you’re expected to spend.

I understand that a sought after woman expects at least 2 carats. So think $50,000 and higher just for the ring. Pretty much the price of a luxury car, depending on the level of luxury.

Next time you go to a country club or nice restaurant, look at the women’s rings. They love to show them off.

Not taking a position… but just saying what the cost of doing business is.

BTW, in Western culture, the man pays for the engagement ring. But the woman’s family pays for the wedding. If her family can’t pay, then she shouldn’t ask for it. And if she wants the wedding anyway then it shows her parents didn’t raise her well and she’s not worth marrying.[/quote]

50000 for a ring????,

I barely had my whole life insured for that much when I got married

[moneymaker]

I believe the industry norm is 2 months wages for the ring. I believe I paid $5500 which was about right at the time, got a little over a carat and it was what she wanted. Don’t remember what the wedding itself cost but I do remember it being pricey.

[zk]

[quote=FlyerInHi]
I understand that a sought after woman expects at least 2 carats. [/quote]

If a woman “expects” at least 2 carats, she’s only sought after by idiots, in my opinion.

[CA renter]

[quote=zk][quote=FlyerInHi]
I understand that a sought after woman expects at least 2 carats. [/quote]

If a woman “expects” at least 2 carats, she’s only sought after by idiots, in my opinion.[/quote]

Call them what you will, but these “sought after” women, who are usually incredibly beautiful (real or fake), are often sought after by the wealthiest of men. They might expect 2 carats or more, but these men will expect these women to spend an inordinate amount of time, money, and energy on their looks. It’s a full-time job for these women, and incredibly stressful. As Russ said, it’s a fair trade. (Not a trade I’d ever care to partake in, FWIW.)

Most people have an oar in the water and are willing to pull hard, but we all differ on how we define what that means and how we prioritize these things. It could be money, looks, doing work around the house, being kind and forgiving, being a great parent and/or caretaker, being an incredibly loyal friend and/or wise confidant, etc.

We all prioritize and value things in a variety of ways. The best we can do is make a conscious decision before we get married to seek out a person who has the traits that we find most important. We also have to understand that everything has a price; there are pros and cons with every choice. Too many people get wrapped up in superficial “love” (lust) without understanding that marriage is an incredibly complex partnership, and that is why we end up with such a high divorce rate, IMHO.

[CA renter]

[quote=Blogstar][quote=kev374][quote=Blogstar] NO 4 EVER MARRIES AN 8….EVER. No 8 EVER MARRIES A 4.
[/quote]

Are you really sure about that? I know a guy who is literally obese and not good looking at all by any stretch of the imagination. He was a Software Engineer making I would guess at least $150k/yr. He was however he married a smoking hot Asian girl but she makes good money herself – possibly around $80-90k/yr. Yes, it’s true that he wined and dined her to the extreme and he is a BIG spender in that regard.

But how is this even an equal match? He is probably a 2 looks wise, she is probably an 8. And her explanation was that she married him because he was a nice guy and treats her right. So, are you sure that these superficial characteristics like looks and money are what people use to find each other or is there something more deep that connects us together?[/quote]
The sum total doesn’t have to do with looks, I am poking fun at that. So , yes there often is something, or some things more deep, LOL . Maybe the woman is almost as impossible behind closed doors as chubby hubby is kind. Maybe it takes an extremely kind and patient person to deal with her. It could be anything …positives or negatives, innocent and sinister, …they balanced out.[/quote]

Bingo, Russ!

[Author]

Posts