OT – Having family live with you temporarily.

[Coronita]

[quote=CBad]Thanks flu. My husband and kids will always come first, always. I would never do something like this without 100% agreement from my husband. We have discussed this in depth and reached this compromise. I think paying a minor bill might be a good idea too. I was just thinking to have him save every penny to get him on his feet ASAP.

Thanks surferdp. It will be tough for me to stick to my rules I’ll admit that right now. But I will do it and luckily I KNOW my husband will do it if I waffled even slightly![/quote]

Regardless of how much he wants to be financially prudent(which may be another issue), if this person is emotionally distraught right now, the last thing he will be thinking about is money and managing it well. In fact, normal people would spend money out of a depression on booze, movies, flings, you name it.

People tend not to penny pinch at
1) Weddings
2) Babies
3) Divorces
4) Funerals

because these are typically emotional events.

That said, if you really want to help him/her financially, charge him as much as you can, and tuck it away for him until he’s out of his emotional state. He’ll thank you for it and if he doesn’t, it’s the last time you deal with him.

Let your husband play “bad guy” figuratively. If you get into a spot, just say “because you’re all a guest of hubby, so you better follow the rules”

[svelte]

[quote=sdduuuude]1) Only have the rules if you are prepared to enforce them (i.e. boot him out, call the cops, etc). Envision yourself doing it, and decide now if you actually could. If you could – go for it.

2) Don’t let your expectations get out of control. Put another way – don’t take his failure as a failure on your part.

3) Don’t believe that helping him beyond 2 months (if he doesn’t shape up) is actually helping.

4) Charging rent after 2 months is a grand idea.
[/quote]

I agree with the dude.

In addition: i’m a bit of a hard-nose so I think it is your house, you get to set the rules. Period.

If he doesn’t like them, he is free to find a home with rules that fit his criteria.

You are doing HIM a favor, he should appreciate that…on the surface it sounds like he is still trying to find his place in the sun and coddling him is, in the long run, doing him no favors.

Personally, I think rent should start from day 1. If he cannot afford rent, well there are ALWAYS household chores that can be completed in leiu of rent.

My view is that once a person reaches 18, there are no free rides in this life. That view has gotten me into a bit of hot water on this board before. Again, I’m a hard-nose.

[svelte]

[quote=sdduuuude]1) Only have the rules if you are prepared to enforce them (i.e. boot him out, call the cops, etc). Envision yourself doing it, and decide now if you actually could. If you could – go for it.

2) Don’t let your expectations get out of control. Put another way – don’t take his failure as a failure on your part.

3) Don’t believe that helping him beyond 2 months (if he doesn’t shape up) is actually helping.

4) Charging rent after 2 months is a grand idea.
[/quote]

I agree with the dude.

In addition: i’m a bit of a hard-nose so I think it is your house, you get to set the rules. Period.

If he doesn’t like them, he is free to find a home with rules that fit his criteria.

You are doing HIM a favor, he should appreciate that…on the surface it sounds like he is still trying to find his place in the sun and coddling him is, in the long run, doing him no favors.

Personally, I think rent should start from day 1. If he cannot afford rent, well there are ALWAYS household chores that can be completed in leiu of rent.

My view is that once a person reaches 18, there are no free rides in this life. That view has gotten me into a bit of hot water on this board before. Again, I’m a hard-nose.

[svelte]

[quote=sdduuuude]1) Only have the rules if you are prepared to enforce them (i.e. boot him out, call the cops, etc). Envision yourself doing it, and decide now if you actually could. If you could – go for it.

2) Don’t let your expectations get out of control. Put another way – don’t take his failure as a failure on your part.

3) Don’t believe that helping him beyond 2 months (if he doesn’t shape up) is actually helping.

4) Charging rent after 2 months is a grand idea.
[/quote]

I agree with the dude.

In addition: i’m a bit of a hard-nose so I think it is your house, you get to set the rules. Period.

If he doesn’t like them, he is free to find a home with rules that fit his criteria.

You are doing HIM a favor, he should appreciate that…on the surface it sounds like he is still trying to find his place in the sun and coddling him is, in the long run, doing him no favors.

Personally, I think rent should start from day 1. If he cannot afford rent, well there are ALWAYS household chores that can be completed in leiu of rent.

My view is that once a person reaches 18, there are no free rides in this life. That view has gotten me into a bit of hot water on this board before. Again, I’m a hard-nose.

[svelte]

[quote=sdduuuude]1) Only have the rules if you are prepared to enforce them (i.e. boot him out, call the cops, etc). Envision yourself doing it, and decide now if you actually could. If you could – go for it.

2) Don’t let your expectations get out of control. Put another way – don’t take his failure as a failure on your part.

3) Don’t believe that helping him beyond 2 months (if he doesn’t shape up) is actually helping.

4) Charging rent after 2 months is a grand idea.
[/quote]

I agree with the dude.

In addition: i’m a bit of a hard-nose so I think it is your house, you get to set the rules. Period.

If he doesn’t like them, he is free to find a home with rules that fit his criteria.

You are doing HIM a favor, he should appreciate that…on the surface it sounds like he is still trying to find his place in the sun and coddling him is, in the long run, doing him no favors.

Personally, I think rent should start from day 1. If he cannot afford rent, well there are ALWAYS household chores that can be completed in leiu of rent.

My view is that once a person reaches 18, there are no free rides in this life. That view has gotten me into a bit of hot water on this board before. Again, I’m a hard-nose.

[svelte]

[quote=sdduuuude]1) Only have the rules if you are prepared to enforce them (i.e. boot him out, call the cops, etc). Envision yourself doing it, and decide now if you actually could. If you could – go for it.

2) Don’t let your expectations get out of control. Put another way – don’t take his failure as a failure on your part.

3) Don’t believe that helping him beyond 2 months (if he doesn’t shape up) is actually helping.

4) Charging rent after 2 months is a grand idea.
[/quote]

I agree with the dude.

In addition: i’m a bit of a hard-nose so I think it is your house, you get to set the rules. Period.

If he doesn’t like them, he is free to find a home with rules that fit his criteria.

You are doing HIM a favor, he should appreciate that…on the surface it sounds like he is still trying to find his place in the sun and coddling him is, in the long run, doing him no favors.

Personally, I think rent should start from day 1. If he cannot afford rent, well there are ALWAYS household chores that can be completed in leiu of rent.

My view is that once a person reaches 18, there are no free rides in this life. That view has gotten me into a bit of hot water on this board before. Again, I’m a hard-nose.

[Enorah]

[quote=Enorah]CBad, sounds to me like he needs some healing

You can’t force someone into growing up if they have unhealed trauma getting in the way.

[/quote]

Just want to be clear

I was using the word “you” in the general sense, not pointing my finger at you 🙂

[Enorah]

[quote=Enorah]CBad, sounds to me like he needs some healing

You can’t force someone into growing up if they have unhealed trauma getting in the way.

[/quote]

Just want to be clear

I was using the word “you” in the general sense, not pointing my finger at you 🙂

[Enorah]

[quote=Enorah]CBad, sounds to me like he needs some healing

You can’t force someone into growing up if they have unhealed trauma getting in the way.

[/quote]

Just want to be clear

I was using the word “you” in the general sense, not pointing my finger at you 🙂

[Enorah]

[quote=Enorah]CBad, sounds to me like he needs some healing

You can’t force someone into growing up if they have unhealed trauma getting in the way.

[/quote]

Just want to be clear

I was using the word “you” in the general sense, not pointing my finger at you 🙂

[Enorah]

[quote=Enorah]CBad, sounds to me like he needs some healing

You can’t force someone into growing up if they have unhealed trauma getting in the way.

[/quote]

Just want to be clear

I was using the word “you” in the general sense, not pointing my finger at you 🙂

[fredo4]

I like FLU’s charge him rent and then give it back to him when he moves out idea. Don’t tell him about your plan. Then if he uses his time to get his life together, that will be a nice head start on his future and if not it will give him enough for first and last month’s rent, etc.
Remember that no good deed goes unpunished, so plan on him being completely ungrateful and perhaps even pissed off at the end of his stay. It’s a kind gesture, though. Stick to your rules. You’re not doing him any favors by enabling him in not growing up.

[fredo4]

I like FLU’s charge him rent and then give it back to him when he moves out idea. Don’t tell him about your plan. Then if he uses his time to get his life together, that will be a nice head start on his future and if not it will give him enough for first and last month’s rent, etc.
Remember that no good deed goes unpunished, so plan on him being completely ungrateful and perhaps even pissed off at the end of his stay. It’s a kind gesture, though. Stick to your rules. You’re not doing him any favors by enabling him in not growing up.

[fredo4]

I like FLU’s charge him rent and then give it back to him when he moves out idea. Don’t tell him about your plan. Then if he uses his time to get his life together, that will be a nice head start on his future and if not it will give him enough for first and last month’s rent, etc.
Remember that no good deed goes unpunished, so plan on him being completely ungrateful and perhaps even pissed off at the end of his stay. It’s a kind gesture, though. Stick to your rules. You’re not doing him any favors by enabling him in not growing up.

[fredo4]

I like FLU’s charge him rent and then give it back to him when he moves out idea. Don’t tell him about your plan. Then if he uses his time to get his life together, that will be a nice head start on his future and if not it will give him enough for first and last month’s rent, etc.
Remember that no good deed goes unpunished, so plan on him being completely ungrateful and perhaps even pissed off at the end of his stay. It’s a kind gesture, though. Stick to your rules. You’re not doing him any favors by enabling him in not growing up.

[Author]

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