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CBad.
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January 30, 2009 at 6:04 PM #339555January 30, 2009 at 6:31 PM #339020
PCinSD
GuestWell, you’re definitely in a much better position just by posting the question and getting all these responses. Something I should have done a year and a half ago.
I ended up with a close relative, on my couch, for 8 – 9 months. All day, every day, living on my couch. I live in a 500 – 600 square foot apartment. It was supposed to be a couple of months, max. It took a tremendous toll on me.
Because of who this particular relative was, I didn’t think it was necessary to lay down the most obvious of rules/duties. I was wrong. Had I done what these folks are suggesting it would have gone much better for me – and, I believe, him as well.
Be firm and be consistent. You’ll both appreciate it in the end. Good luck with that.
January 30, 2009 at 6:31 PM #339349GuestWell, you’re definitely in a much better position just by posting the question and getting all these responses. Something I should have done a year and a half ago.
I ended up with a close relative, on my couch, for 8 – 9 months. All day, every day, living on my couch. I live in a 500 – 600 square foot apartment. It was supposed to be a couple of months, max. It took a tremendous toll on me.
Because of who this particular relative was, I didn’t think it was necessary to lay down the most obvious of rules/duties. I was wrong. Had I done what these folks are suggesting it would have gone much better for me – and, I believe, him as well.
Be firm and be consistent. You’ll both appreciate it in the end. Good luck with that.
January 30, 2009 at 6:31 PM #339445GuestWell, you’re definitely in a much better position just by posting the question and getting all these responses. Something I should have done a year and a half ago.
I ended up with a close relative, on my couch, for 8 – 9 months. All day, every day, living on my couch. I live in a 500 – 600 square foot apartment. It was supposed to be a couple of months, max. It took a tremendous toll on me.
Because of who this particular relative was, I didn’t think it was necessary to lay down the most obvious of rules/duties. I was wrong. Had I done what these folks are suggesting it would have gone much better for me – and, I believe, him as well.
Be firm and be consistent. You’ll both appreciate it in the end. Good luck with that.
January 30, 2009 at 6:31 PM #339471GuestWell, you’re definitely in a much better position just by posting the question and getting all these responses. Something I should have done a year and a half ago.
I ended up with a close relative, on my couch, for 8 – 9 months. All day, every day, living on my couch. I live in a 500 – 600 square foot apartment. It was supposed to be a couple of months, max. It took a tremendous toll on me.
Because of who this particular relative was, I didn’t think it was necessary to lay down the most obvious of rules/duties. I was wrong. Had I done what these folks are suggesting it would have gone much better for me – and, I believe, him as well.
Be firm and be consistent. You’ll both appreciate it in the end. Good luck with that.
January 30, 2009 at 6:31 PM #339565GuestWell, you’re definitely in a much better position just by posting the question and getting all these responses. Something I should have done a year and a half ago.
I ended up with a close relative, on my couch, for 8 – 9 months. All day, every day, living on my couch. I live in a 500 – 600 square foot apartment. It was supposed to be a couple of months, max. It took a tremendous toll on me.
Because of who this particular relative was, I didn’t think it was necessary to lay down the most obvious of rules/duties. I was wrong. Had I done what these folks are suggesting it would have gone much better for me – and, I believe, him as well.
Be firm and be consistent. You’ll both appreciate it in the end. Good luck with that.
January 30, 2009 at 6:52 PM #338907NotCranky
ParticipantThis post is probably the first of many similar ones to come. I had a relative recently hint at either her and her kids staying with me or just a teenage son. I just said, “well these are my concerns/expectations but it is not out of the question”. Haven’t heard about it since.I guess those concerns did not jibe with expectations for my wife and I that I would probably consider unfair. Have boundaries for sure. They will leave sooner or the experience will turnout to work out at least O.K. for all because the situation has some harmony. Obviously, if someone is in need they will at least be able to pretend that they will cooperate with reasonable demands,even if they are stern, while in another persons house.
Good Luck CBad.
January 30, 2009 at 6:52 PM #339239ParticipantThis post is probably the first of many similar ones to come. I had a relative recently hint at either her and her kids staying with me or just a teenage son. I just said, “well these are my concerns/expectations but it is not out of the question”. Haven’t heard about it since.I guess those concerns did not jibe with expectations for my wife and I that I would probably consider unfair. Have boundaries for sure. They will leave sooner or the experience will turnout to work out at least O.K. for all because the situation has some harmony. Obviously, if someone is in need they will at least be able to pretend that they will cooperate with reasonable demands,even if they are stern, while in another persons house.
Good Luck CBad.
January 30, 2009 at 6:52 PM #339334ParticipantThis post is probably the first of many similar ones to come. I had a relative recently hint at either her and her kids staying with me or just a teenage son. I just said, “well these are my concerns/expectations but it is not out of the question”. Haven’t heard about it since.I guess those concerns did not jibe with expectations for my wife and I that I would probably consider unfair. Have boundaries for sure. They will leave sooner or the experience will turnout to work out at least O.K. for all because the situation has some harmony. Obviously, if someone is in need they will at least be able to pretend that they will cooperate with reasonable demands,even if they are stern, while in another persons house.
Good Luck CBad.
January 30, 2009 at 6:52 PM #339361ParticipantThis post is probably the first of many similar ones to come. I had a relative recently hint at either her and her kids staying with me or just a teenage son. I just said, “well these are my concerns/expectations but it is not out of the question”. Haven’t heard about it since.I guess those concerns did not jibe with expectations for my wife and I that I would probably consider unfair. Have boundaries for sure. They will leave sooner or the experience will turnout to work out at least O.K. for all because the situation has some harmony. Obviously, if someone is in need they will at least be able to pretend that they will cooperate with reasonable demands,even if they are stern, while in another persons house.
Good Luck CBad.
January 30, 2009 at 6:52 PM #339453ParticipantThis post is probably the first of many similar ones to come. I had a relative recently hint at either her and her kids staying with me or just a teenage son. I just said, “well these are my concerns/expectations but it is not out of the question”. Haven’t heard about it since.I guess those concerns did not jibe with expectations for my wife and I that I would probably consider unfair. Have boundaries for sure. They will leave sooner or the experience will turnout to work out at least O.K. for all because the situation has some harmony. Obviously, if someone is in need they will at least be able to pretend that they will cooperate with reasonable demands,even if they are stern, while in another persons house.
Good Luck CBad.
January 31, 2009 at 1:19 AM #339202CA renter
ParticipantCBad,
I’ll go off on a very different tangent here.
I’ve been the person on the couch (in my youth, and it was because of a housing transition/job change …no drugs, drinking, etc.) and I’ve been the host for a few people “on the couch.” Additionally, I’ve always lived with many roommates and have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Going from that…
1. If you have daughters, and this is a male relative, you might want to reconsider, even if you are home all the time.
2. Do you have an empty room, or is this person literally going to be living in your family’s common area? A guest room is optimal, but if it doesn’t exist, it will possibly be the end of your relationship with this person if he’s in the middle of your space. It’s highly likely to be a very tense two months.
——————–
Some ideas:
1. Offer to help pay for a rented room, either at another relative’s or friend’s house, or through the ads. Maybe other friends/family can help chip in for a very limited time.
2. If he is going to stay in your house, your above rules are very reasonable, and I agree with svelte…he should have assigned chores.
3. In order to keep things running as smoothly as possible, brainstorm with your husband and kids what you want, IN DETAIL, as far as rules go: laundry schedule, cleaning schedule, rules for dirty clothes, dishes, food purchase and prep, storing possessions, guests during the day/night, curfews, length of stay, parking, phone/TV/stereo use, rent or utility payments (if any), bathroom/shower times if they conflict with other family members, etc. And WRITE THEM DOWN! Have him sign the “agreement” as a condition of moving in, and post a copy of that agreement on the refrigerator (keep a copy for your files). If anything goes wrong, you can simply refer to the agreement, and this will help keep things more “professional” and objective, instead of emotional.
My roommates and I almost always had these written agreements (but we would brainstorm together and all of us would sign them), and they really did keep things running smoothly.
Whatever you choose to do, best of luck to you! It’s never easy to be in a situation like yours.
January 31, 2009 at 1:19 AM #339529ParticipantCBad,
I’ll go off on a very different tangent here.
I’ve been the person on the couch (in my youth, and it was because of a housing transition/job change …no drugs, drinking, etc.) and I’ve been the host for a few people “on the couch.” Additionally, I’ve always lived with many roommates and have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Going from that…
1. If you have daughters, and this is a male relative, you might want to reconsider, even if you are home all the time.
2. Do you have an empty room, or is this person literally going to be living in your family’s common area? A guest room is optimal, but if it doesn’t exist, it will possibly be the end of your relationship with this person if he’s in the middle of your space. It’s highly likely to be a very tense two months.
——————–
Some ideas:
1. Offer to help pay for a rented room, either at another relative’s or friend’s house, or through the ads. Maybe other friends/family can help chip in for a very limited time.
2. If he is going to stay in your house, your above rules are very reasonable, and I agree with svelte…he should have assigned chores.
3. In order to keep things running as smoothly as possible, brainstorm with your husband and kids what you want, IN DETAIL, as far as rules go: laundry schedule, cleaning schedule, rules for dirty clothes, dishes, food purchase and prep, storing possessions, guests during the day/night, curfews, length of stay, parking, phone/TV/stereo use, rent or utility payments (if any), bathroom/shower times if they conflict with other family members, etc. And WRITE THEM DOWN! Have him sign the “agreement” as a condition of moving in, and post a copy of that agreement on the refrigerator (keep a copy for your files). If anything goes wrong, you can simply refer to the agreement, and this will help keep things more “professional” and objective, instead of emotional.
My roommates and I almost always had these written agreements (but we would brainstorm together and all of us would sign them), and they really did keep things running smoothly.
Whatever you choose to do, best of luck to you! It’s never easy to be in a situation like yours.
January 31, 2009 at 1:19 AM #339624ParticipantCBad,
I’ll go off on a very different tangent here.
I’ve been the person on the couch (in my youth, and it was because of a housing transition/job change …no drugs, drinking, etc.) and I’ve been the host for a few people “on the couch.” Additionally, I’ve always lived with many roommates and have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Going from that…
1. If you have daughters, and this is a male relative, you might want to reconsider, even if you are home all the time.
2. Do you have an empty room, or is this person literally going to be living in your family’s common area? A guest room is optimal, but if it doesn’t exist, it will possibly be the end of your relationship with this person if he’s in the middle of your space. It’s highly likely to be a very tense two months.
——————–
Some ideas:
1. Offer to help pay for a rented room, either at another relative’s or friend’s house, or through the ads. Maybe other friends/family can help chip in for a very limited time.
2. If he is going to stay in your house, your above rules are very reasonable, and I agree with svelte…he should have assigned chores.
3. In order to keep things running as smoothly as possible, brainstorm with your husband and kids what you want, IN DETAIL, as far as rules go: laundry schedule, cleaning schedule, rules for dirty clothes, dishes, food purchase and prep, storing possessions, guests during the day/night, curfews, length of stay, parking, phone/TV/stereo use, rent or utility payments (if any), bathroom/shower times if they conflict with other family members, etc. And WRITE THEM DOWN! Have him sign the “agreement” as a condition of moving in, and post a copy of that agreement on the refrigerator (keep a copy for your files). If anything goes wrong, you can simply refer to the agreement, and this will help keep things more “professional” and objective, instead of emotional.
My roommates and I almost always had these written agreements (but we would brainstorm together and all of us would sign them), and they really did keep things running smoothly.
Whatever you choose to do, best of luck to you! It’s never easy to be in a situation like yours.
January 31, 2009 at 1:19 AM #339651ParticipantCBad,
I’ll go off on a very different tangent here.
I’ve been the person on the couch (in my youth, and it was because of a housing transition/job change …no drugs, drinking, etc.) and I’ve been the host for a few people “on the couch.” Additionally, I’ve always lived with many roommates and have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Going from that…
1. If you have daughters, and this is a male relative, you might want to reconsider, even if you are home all the time.
2. Do you have an empty room, or is this person literally going to be living in your family’s common area? A guest room is optimal, but if it doesn’t exist, it will possibly be the end of your relationship with this person if he’s in the middle of your space. It’s highly likely to be a very tense two months.
——————–
Some ideas:
1. Offer to help pay for a rented room, either at another relative’s or friend’s house, or through the ads. Maybe other friends/family can help chip in for a very limited time.
2. If he is going to stay in your house, your above rules are very reasonable, and I agree with svelte…he should have assigned chores.
3. In order to keep things running as smoothly as possible, brainstorm with your husband and kids what you want, IN DETAIL, as far as rules go: laundry schedule, cleaning schedule, rules for dirty clothes, dishes, food purchase and prep, storing possessions, guests during the day/night, curfews, length of stay, parking, phone/TV/stereo use, rent or utility payments (if any), bathroom/shower times if they conflict with other family members, etc. And WRITE THEM DOWN! Have him sign the “agreement” as a condition of moving in, and post a copy of that agreement on the refrigerator (keep a copy for your files). If anything goes wrong, you can simply refer to the agreement, and this will help keep things more “professional” and objective, instead of emotional.
My roommates and I almost always had these written agreements (but we would brainstorm together and all of us would sign them), and they really did keep things running smoothly.
Whatever you choose to do, best of luck to you! It’s never easy to be in a situation like yours.
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