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HarryBosch.
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April 19, 2008 at 7:05 PM #190648April 19, 2008 at 7:05 PM #190696
Stradivarius
ParticipantI have heard it hinted here or flat-out stated that some women believe it is acceptable to hold out on sex in order to get something they want from a man.
This was one of the things that my husband and I decided to never do. We in fact live primarily by two rules:
1. Never withhold sex for any reason, no matter how angry you are at your spouse. (If I hold out on sex, I'm seriously punishing myself, too. We don't think this should ever be a ploy in getting what you want).
2. Don't have sex with someone of the opposite sex. (I am apparently allowed to sleep with as many women as I want).
In college I dated someone who was probably insecure. He didn't like me hanging out with my male friends and tried to stop me from going out sometimes. I thought this was ridiculous, especially since I wasn't interested in more than friendship with those guys, and also none of my girlfriends wanted to go to the bar to watch NBA and NHL playoffs simultaneously. Well, that relationship ended and I decided I was never going to impose stupid restrictions on anybody and I didn't want any imposed on me.
So when I started dating my husband, I never told him he couldn't hang out with the guys or look at other women. He thinks Zhang Ziyi and Beyonce are really hot. Well, they ARE hot. If I were a straight man I would find pictures of them on the internet, too. I don't think that's any different than me checking out guys at the gym. It doesn't make me love my husband any less, so I have to assume that if he goes to a bachelor party he's going to check out some strippers and still love me just the same.
I'm sure it isn't the same for everybody, but we both need time away from each other just as much as we need time to spend together, and this mutual trust and freedom works for us. If he is out with the guys, it gives me time to go to the gym or do my nails. If I'm at the mall, he has time to play Dungeons and Dragons Online with his brother. And then we'll watch the Flyers game together. Well, tonight we're going to see Forbidden Kingdom. You can't go wrong with a movie that has Jackie Chan AND Jet Li in it.
Everyone have a terrific evening.
-S
April 19, 2008 at 7:44 PM #190592nostradamus
ParticipantHey S,
It’s great that you have enough confidence and security to be unaffected by the various distractions your husband (and you) will inevitably encounter.
I’m a big fan of Jet Li, please let me know how the movie is! I find Zhang Ziyi a bit boyish but her movies are fun. Did you see “The House of Flying Daggers”? I loved it and your hubbie’s hottie is in there as a blind assassin.
However, one of my all-time favorite Kung Fu movies is a comedy called Shaolin Soccer. Whether or not you like soccer or kung fu, you MUST see this movie, it is a gut-buster. It is Andy Lau’s pre-Kung-Fu-Hustle film. Easily makes my top-10 all-time fave movie list!!!
April 19, 2008 at 7:44 PM #190614ParticipantHey S,
It’s great that you have enough confidence and security to be unaffected by the various distractions your husband (and you) will inevitably encounter.
I’m a big fan of Jet Li, please let me know how the movie is! I find Zhang Ziyi a bit boyish but her movies are fun. Did you see “The House of Flying Daggers”? I loved it and your hubbie’s hottie is in there as a blind assassin.
However, one of my all-time favorite Kung Fu movies is a comedy called Shaolin Soccer. Whether or not you like soccer or kung fu, you MUST see this movie, it is a gut-buster. It is Andy Lau’s pre-Kung-Fu-Hustle film. Easily makes my top-10 all-time fave movie list!!!
April 19, 2008 at 7:44 PM #190644ParticipantHey S,
It’s great that you have enough confidence and security to be unaffected by the various distractions your husband (and you) will inevitably encounter.
I’m a big fan of Jet Li, please let me know how the movie is! I find Zhang Ziyi a bit boyish but her movies are fun. Did you see “The House of Flying Daggers”? I loved it and your hubbie’s hottie is in there as a blind assassin.
However, one of my all-time favorite Kung Fu movies is a comedy called Shaolin Soccer. Whether or not you like soccer or kung fu, you MUST see this movie, it is a gut-buster. It is Andy Lau’s pre-Kung-Fu-Hustle film. Easily makes my top-10 all-time fave movie list!!!
April 19, 2008 at 7:44 PM #190658ParticipantHey S,
It’s great that you have enough confidence and security to be unaffected by the various distractions your husband (and you) will inevitably encounter.
I’m a big fan of Jet Li, please let me know how the movie is! I find Zhang Ziyi a bit boyish but her movies are fun. Did you see “The House of Flying Daggers”? I loved it and your hubbie’s hottie is in there as a blind assassin.
However, one of my all-time favorite Kung Fu movies is a comedy called Shaolin Soccer. Whether or not you like soccer or kung fu, you MUST see this movie, it is a gut-buster. It is Andy Lau’s pre-Kung-Fu-Hustle film. Easily makes my top-10 all-time fave movie list!!!
April 19, 2008 at 7:44 PM #190705ParticipantHey S,
It’s great that you have enough confidence and security to be unaffected by the various distractions your husband (and you) will inevitably encounter.
I’m a big fan of Jet Li, please let me know how the movie is! I find Zhang Ziyi a bit boyish but her movies are fun. Did you see “The House of Flying Daggers”? I loved it and your hubbie’s hottie is in there as a blind assassin.
However, one of my all-time favorite Kung Fu movies is a comedy called Shaolin Soccer. Whether or not you like soccer or kung fu, you MUST see this movie, it is a gut-buster. It is Andy Lau’s pre-Kung-Fu-Hustle film. Easily makes my top-10 all-time fave movie list!!!
April 19, 2008 at 11:06 PM #190677CA renter
ParticipantThank you very much for the compliment, Nostradamus. Just wanted to point out that we all come into this debate with different perspectives, life experiences and information.
Most of all, I just believe that we all need to be completely honest with our dates about our beliefs and expectations, right from the start. As long as each party consents to an agreement of sorts, I have no problem with any choices people might decide to make.
It’s certainly been an interesting and insightful thread. Best wishes to all here, and I sincerely hope everyone finds happiness in their respective choices.
April 19, 2008 at 11:06 PM #190701ParticipantThank you very much for the compliment, Nostradamus. Just wanted to point out that we all come into this debate with different perspectives, life experiences and information.
Most of all, I just believe that we all need to be completely honest with our dates about our beliefs and expectations, right from the start. As long as each party consents to an agreement of sorts, I have no problem with any choices people might decide to make.
It’s certainly been an interesting and insightful thread. Best wishes to all here, and I sincerely hope everyone finds happiness in their respective choices.
April 19, 2008 at 11:06 PM #190730ParticipantThank you very much for the compliment, Nostradamus. Just wanted to point out that we all come into this debate with different perspectives, life experiences and information.
Most of all, I just believe that we all need to be completely honest with our dates about our beliefs and expectations, right from the start. As long as each party consents to an agreement of sorts, I have no problem with any choices people might decide to make.
It’s certainly been an interesting and insightful thread. Best wishes to all here, and I sincerely hope everyone finds happiness in their respective choices.
April 19, 2008 at 11:06 PM #190743ParticipantThank you very much for the compliment, Nostradamus. Just wanted to point out that we all come into this debate with different perspectives, life experiences and information.
Most of all, I just believe that we all need to be completely honest with our dates about our beliefs and expectations, right from the start. As long as each party consents to an agreement of sorts, I have no problem with any choices people might decide to make.
It’s certainly been an interesting and insightful thread. Best wishes to all here, and I sincerely hope everyone finds happiness in their respective choices.
April 19, 2008 at 11:06 PM #190790ParticipantThank you very much for the compliment, Nostradamus. Just wanted to point out that we all come into this debate with different perspectives, life experiences and information.
Most of all, I just believe that we all need to be completely honest with our dates about our beliefs and expectations, right from the start. As long as each party consents to an agreement of sorts, I have no problem with any choices people might decide to make.
It’s certainly been an interesting and insightful thread. Best wishes to all here, and I sincerely hope everyone finds happiness in their respective choices.
April 19, 2008 at 11:31 PM #190692Anonymous
GuestCA,
Absoutely agree with your post and it’s great that you and your husband have a system that works. The system i outlined works for the wife and me. I’d have no problems tinkering on cars with you but our systems would be incompatible for a relationship (not that it was every headed there……:)
Sure im old fashioned, she is too, and that is what works for us. Im not at all bitter or intolerant of other people’s arrangments unless they infringe on mine. I’ll withdraw the ‘free rent’ comment. You are correct, it isn’t exactly free, and yes, i’ve taken care of the kids……it isnt nearly as much work as the wife makes it out to be…..but regardless of that it is a responsibility much more worthy of compensation than any salaried job ive ever held.
Front loaded vs. back loaded is a good way to look at it. You’re spot in with that one. Ive never denied that women deserve their due….what ends up undermining that deserved due are the few women who needlessly whine about entitlement with unreasonable expectations and blame their ex for anything which ails them.
It sorta comes down to a good attitude (including seeing it from the other person’s point of view) and personal repsonsibility. Both men and women i know who have had productive marriages, and reasonable divorces seem to have a good helping of both.
Jasper
P.S. To you and the other sensible women out there….it is a breath fresh air to read the words from a reasonable and mature standpoint. Any chance you are Marion’s alter ego <:)
April 19, 2008 at 11:31 PM #190716GuestCA,
Absoutely agree with your post and it’s great that you and your husband have a system that works. The system i outlined works for the wife and me. I’d have no problems tinkering on cars with you but our systems would be incompatible for a relationship (not that it was every headed there……:)
Sure im old fashioned, she is too, and that is what works for us. Im not at all bitter or intolerant of other people’s arrangments unless they infringe on mine. I’ll withdraw the ‘free rent’ comment. You are correct, it isn’t exactly free, and yes, i’ve taken care of the kids……it isnt nearly as much work as the wife makes it out to be…..but regardless of that it is a responsibility much more worthy of compensation than any salaried job ive ever held.
Front loaded vs. back loaded is a good way to look at it. You’re spot in with that one. Ive never denied that women deserve their due….what ends up undermining that deserved due are the few women who needlessly whine about entitlement with unreasonable expectations and blame their ex for anything which ails them.
It sorta comes down to a good attitude (including seeing it from the other person’s point of view) and personal repsonsibility. Both men and women i know who have had productive marriages, and reasonable divorces seem to have a good helping of both.
Jasper
P.S. To you and the other sensible women out there….it is a breath fresh air to read the words from a reasonable and mature standpoint. Any chance you are Marion’s alter ego <:)
April 19, 2008 at 11:31 PM #190745GuestCA,
Absoutely agree with your post and it’s great that you and your husband have a system that works. The system i outlined works for the wife and me. I’d have no problems tinkering on cars with you but our systems would be incompatible for a relationship (not that it was every headed there……:)
Sure im old fashioned, she is too, and that is what works for us. Im not at all bitter or intolerant of other people’s arrangments unless they infringe on mine. I’ll withdraw the ‘free rent’ comment. You are correct, it isn’t exactly free, and yes, i’ve taken care of the kids……it isnt nearly as much work as the wife makes it out to be…..but regardless of that it is a responsibility much more worthy of compensation than any salaried job ive ever held.
Front loaded vs. back loaded is a good way to look at it. You’re spot in with that one. Ive never denied that women deserve their due….what ends up undermining that deserved due are the few women who needlessly whine about entitlement with unreasonable expectations and blame their ex for anything which ails them.
It sorta comes down to a good attitude (including seeing it from the other person’s point of view) and personal repsonsibility. Both men and women i know who have had productive marriages, and reasonable divorces seem to have a good helping of both.
Jasper
P.S. To you and the other sensible women out there….it is a breath fresh air to read the words from a reasonable and mature standpoint. Any chance you are Marion’s alter ego <:)
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