Naturally, common sense should prevail and the environment, nature/personality/”street smarts” of the children, etc. should all play a part in how much freedom one’s children should have. Parents also need to role-play with their kids and explain the many different worst-case scenarios they might experience and help them determine what the best actions would be if they encounter unsavory characters or dangerous situations.
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I agree that we’ve become too protective. Myself included (and my wife even more – I’m trying to back her off).
I’ve done the “what to do in the worst case scenario” thing that you mention, CAR, and now I’m not sure it was such a good idea. It’s not like we bombarded our child with this stuff; it was occasional. Yet sometimes she’ll ask about it like she expects it to happen some day. I have to explain that it’s very unlikely that something like that will ever happen to her. That she’ll probably go her whole life and nothing like that will ever happen. I’d like her to be a bit less afraid. Fear is one of the consequences of over-protective parenting (along with lack of independence and underdevelopment of life skills), and that fear will hinder their development if we over protect them.[/quote]
Without trying to sound paranoid, there IS a good chance that your daughter will end up in a situation at some point in her life where she will have to react in order to protect herself. It might be a “date” gone wrong, a (naked!) stranger approaching her in a parking lot, a man driving up alongside her masturbating (usually asking for directions in a quiet voice in order to lure kids closer to the car), or a family “friend” or someone working on the house who wants to teach her “new things.” All of the above happened to me growing up, but nobody was successful because I knew how to react. Most of the girls (and some boys, or even co-ed groups) I knew growing up had to deal with similar situations at some point in their lives. This was in L.A. during the 70s and 80s.
Believe it or not, we didn’t make a big deal of any of these things, cops weren’t called in most cases (though they should have been), and we just accepted it as a normal part of life. I think that’s what we need to teach our kids: yes, bad and/or dangerous things might happen, but you just have to know how to deal with it.
Unfortunately, some kids get really scared, especially when you first start talking about these things, but I think it helps if you simply point out dangerous situations as you make your way through life. For example, when my kids and I are walking through a parking lot and I notice a man standing around (especially if near a van/vehicle with blacked-out windows, etc.) who’s just checking people out in the parking lot, I ask them what they think they should do, and explain that they should go back into the store and ask for an escort. IMHO, it’s just a matter of showing them, in “real life,” how to avoid certain situations, and how to deal with them in case they aren’t able to avoid them altogether.
Our kids used to be scared about these things, too, but I think they get a better understanding of the odds, and the reality of the situation, as they get older.
