Too long and full of emotion. People in politics get these type of letters all day long. Some staffer in the back office who is doing this as an unpaid internship and met the politican once on photo op day will be the one reading it. Then, they will print of the prescribed form letter that has been approved but doesnt address your points at all and call it a day.
If you want any hope at all,
1) make it shorter. As my boss says all the time, “do you really expect ME to ‘Read’ this?”
2) cut the indignation parts out. simply state that bailouts for wall street smack of favoritism and you do not support that.
3) watch out for the oil thing. No one knows how much oil is actually fundamentally worth right now, and it is too easy to write someone who is espouting none verifiable information off.
4) rewrite the last paragraph. Democrats think they are protecting the middle class by their current actions, not hurting them.
5)Dont say prices need to come down, cause it says that YOU need them to come down, and then why should they bail you out just like you hate they bailed wall street out. Say that the real problem with housing in SD is unaffordablilty, not falling prices, and that nothing will be better until the affordablility issue is resolved.
6)find alot of other people like you, and send them all together. This shows you are organized. Get 15-20 friends/family/neighbors/coworkers and have them sign similar letters. Alot of politicans assume that no matter what they do, some yahoo is gonna hate it. When grass roots organized groups get in touch, and have the financial resources (6 figures) to back it up, they will lissen.
I once heard that they assume that 1 letter represents 10 votes, you send in 20+ letters, at 200+ votes, and the staffer opening your letter and printing off form responses may actually be paid!
