This post is in response to the current convo in the “Reasons I cannot vote for Trump” thread:
As a nearly lifetime Dem (and local Dem activist for nearly ten years), I lost respect for Hillary after the Monica Lewinsky scandal. Of course, Bill had other “dalliances” long before that but he was not the POTUS at that time, nor was she the FLOTUS (in the public eye of the nation and not just in their parochial existence back in Arkansas, a culture of which I am highly familiar). If Hill has had any relationships outside of her marriage, she has managed to conduct them under the radar of public scrutiny.
Hill has turned into a longtime “chump” in my mind and her health has obviously suffered adversely from it (as well as from the pressure from her Sec of State position). She did it to herself.
And as an admitted lifetime feminist, I hold men (and women as well, incl myself) personally responsible for the choices they made in their adult lives. In my biz, I’ve repeatedly listened to men complain incessantly about how their marriages and/or relationships fell apart over the years (usually while in the throes of filing a divorce petition or answering one) and felt many of their complaints were valid (ie spouse abruptly quit working or failed to return to work after maternity leave was over, spouse charged up credit cards with discretionary purchases and left him with 4-5 figure bills, spouse couldn’t balance a checkbook/manage money, spouse couldn’t manage household, couldn’t manage kids (even if unemployed), spouse refused to apply for jobs or engage in job training, has refused to take care of herself for years (ie let herself go), spouse got pregnant after he told her he didn’t want any more kids, spouse not interested in sex, no sex for years/decade(s), blah, blah, blah. Every single time, I ask them, “Where were YOU when all this was going on? Did you ever look at your credit card statements every month? Did you ever confront her on the charges on your (joint-but-bad-idea) CC’s you’re complaining about here? Did you ever tell her you’re not getting enough attention? Did you ever consider having a vasectomy if you don’t want anymore children? Why have you hung out this long sleeping on a twin futon the study and hauling your a$$ off to work every morning (while she sleeps in) when you haven’t been happy for 10++ years? Do you think your current situation is good for your minor children living at home? What kind of message are you sending to them?” Etc. Even if the couple divorcing has grown kid(s) no longer residing with them, it’s the same sad saga which has become even more pronounced, often proportionate to the extreme length of time they have sat motionless and did nothing to improve their happiness levels.
Of course, married women seeking divorces or answering a divorce petition have legitimate complaints about their spouses as well (incidence[s] of domestic violence, spouse hasn’t been able to hold a job for any length of time, spouse has alcohol/substance abuse problem[s], spouse repeatedly arrested, spouse has longstanding porn addiction, spouse is a narcissist or a hoarder …. and on it goes). Since I’ve often been the front-line paper pusher for most of these “clients,” I’ve heard it all.
However, the profound difference I have found between women and their estranged spouse (in parties seeking dissolution) is that 90% of the time, the existence of complete or partial ongoing financial dependency on the spouse on the part of the women. THEY and ONLY THEY have allowed themselves to get into the situation they are now finding themselves in. Either consciously or unconsciously, they slipped into a role which rendered them unable to fully support themselves (or support themselves at all) throughout their lives.
And I don’t buy the excuse that divorce costs so much that it is worth giving up happiness for the rest of one’s life (which can be unexpectedly cut short, btw). Divorce can be expensive of the parties can’t agree on anything, but in CA, BOTH parents are viewed by the courts as equally financially responsible (by percentage of their respective incomes) for the support of their children and BOTH parties are expected to bring in income equivalent to a FT job they are qualified to do.
As you may surmise, I believe in no-fault divorce and divorce reform in states which still have “fault-based” divorce. I also feel the CA Legislature needs to reform the way child support is set as a percentage of each parent’s timeshare of the child(ren) because it invites the higher-earning spouse to litigate child custody (a VERY expensive proposition).
Back to the subject of Hillary, she has always been very well-educated and self-supporting, meeting Bill in her youth while students at Yale Law School, where they both graduated with JD’s and went on to become successful lawyers. This is all the more reason why it seems so far-fetched to her “brethren” that she would voluntarily reduce herself to a chump for the sole purpose of hitching a lifetime ride on Wild Bill’s coattails! This is the same sex addict who was a habitual predator to mostly working women in his “daily sphere” (yes, ALL were in my demographic except Broadrick, who is closer to Bill/Hill’s age). We boomer women are entirely cognizant that there weren’t any sexual harassment laws in place for US workplaces at that time. If a young woman had minor children to support and/or a “state capitol gig” was their first great job after graduating from college or business school, it was difficult for a working woman/possible single mom to mess that up by continually fighting off the advances of their boss (or an influential friend of their boss) … especially if he was a powerful public figure. I’m not making excuses for anyone here but it couldn’t have been easy in that part of the country for women to make a living wage at that time and it probably still isn’t easy today.
Obviously, Hill had political aspirations of her own from her 30’s forward and likely figured that she could better fulfill her goals in the political arena if she remained attached to Bill at the hip, even when publicly humiliated by his behavior. It’s disgusting to me why a woman of her stature would do that to herself and I am not alone. I believe she could have fulfilled many or most of her career and political goals without continuing to prostrate herself as Bill’s (chump) “other half.”
I found the above link on my “wish list” (cost $13-$15) but it looks like Amazon recently sold out of it and “used copies” are now over $150! I wonder why that is, folks? Perhaps it is an indication of the American “electorate” wanting to better understand the inner-workings of would-be Prez Hillary, the Chump Lady?? After all, some of the books I had saved which were written by Trump, as well as Trump family bios have gone up in price in the past few months so they must also currently be selling well … no?
Hill has put women and family issues at front and center of her campaign. But women (especially those within the huge boomer cohort with long memories who are close to her age) are shaking their heads … incredulous that she has placed herself in a position to be repeatedly publicly humiliated by her sex-addict spouse when she had so many options in life! Now she finds herself (and her campaign) having to “take the heat” by necessity cuz they are unable to “stay out of the kitchen,” anymore. DUH! Of course, she had to have already known all this before embarking on her campaign for POTUS 2016!
I’m not suggesting that she should have divorced Bill while he was still in office. But she could have quietly done so soon after he left office and kept her dignity. No one would have judged her for that.
In Hill’s defense, she may not appear “likeable” to many people because she has gone thru a lot of sh!t in her personal life (again, her choice) and has developed into a steel magnolia because of it. And that’s okay. I don’t think she’s incompetent but I think the Sec of State position was clearly too much for her (physically, mentally and spiritually) and has affected her health adversely.
And, no, I’ve never been a “victim” of “infidelity.” I don’t even like that word because it is not illegal and it always takes two to tango in a relationship. Because a marriage is akin to a “business” under the law, there are no “victims” in a marriage unless one party has secretly gambled away the bulk of marital funds, spent the bulk of it on a drug/alcohol addiction or has (covertly) stolen it from joint accounts and put it into an account or “investment” that the other party doesn’t have access to. And the “victim” in this case is only a victim as long as they keep their head in the sand by not paying attention to what is going on in their financial lives.
I am of the belief that every adult needs to be responsible for their OWN actions and reactions, no matter what their “status” is. As non-PC as it my sound, Hill has, unwittingly or not, devolved into a laughingstock “chump lady” among her peers … women of my (her) generation (she’s several years older than I). Yes, there IS such a thing and 90% of the time, the phenomenon stems from financial insecurity on the part of the woman, plain and simple. In Hill’s case, it was her insatiable need to occupy an elected position of power and authority along with her (erroneous) belief that she needed Wild Bill at her side to successfully achieve those goals.
A lot of people vote for (or don’t vote for) a political candidate depending on how they “feel” about them as a person and I am no exception. I feel Hillary was a “sellout” to her generation of women when she could have set an example as a maverick among us with all her talent and connections WITHOUT Wild Bill by her side. Right now, he’s nothing but a liability to her.
The old stepford wife … “just-don’t-tell-me-about-it” model hasn’t “worked” since the 1950’s and it really didn’t work that well back then … given the amount of “shotgun marriages” which took place in that era , lol.
