The American people like to hear simple stories and the media are always willing to oblige them, especially at election time. The stories we heard in the last two presidential elections were:
2000 – The Good Old Boy versus Mister Smartypants
2004 – The Good Old Boy versus Swift Boat Liar Man From Tax-achusetts
In 2008, the media will give us one of the two following story lines:
2008 – Mister Nine-Eleven Man versus Scary Woman-Man
– OR –
2008 – Mister Nine-Eleven Man versus The Guy Whose Name Sounds Like “Osama”
No other stories are going to be allowed. No matter how much sense any of the other candidates make, no matter how valid their points or how logical they are, presidential elections aren’t about logic or sense. They are about giving the American people the illusion that they have some input into the actions of the federal government. This has not been true in a very long time, so to keep us happy the media gives us story-time. Presidential election story-time serves the same purpose as preschool story-time; it makes our eyelids grow heavy and we inevitably drift off to sleep for another four years while they ship our jobs off to God-knows-where, debase our currency, and allow illegal immigrants to run riot in our streets.
As for myself, I haven’t decided who to vote for. Will it be Mister Nine-Eleven Man or Scary Woman-Man? Certainly not The Guy Whose Name Sounds Like “Osama”. I really like Mister Gold Standard Man, but I suspect if he gains much more momentum, he will be pushed towards an independent run ala Ross Perot in 1992; this will split the Republican vote and tilt the election to Scary Woman-Man in 2008. Mister Gold Standard Man will simply never be allowed to win the Republican nomination.