To answers some of the questions:
– my divorce has been final for 2 months
– a few months ago, while my then wife and I were trying to reach an agreement, her parents freaked out about the loan they gave us. They hired an attorney who threatened me to take legal action against me if I refused to sign a deed of trust for the benefit of his clients.
– at this time, my wife was refusing to sign a “stipulation and order” that showed that I was entitled to some other reimbursement
– so we worked out a deal. I signed the deed of trust and my wife signed the “stipulation and order” document.
Now I think it’s important to tell where I am coming from.
1) When we bought the condo back in 2006, we came with a down payment of $140K. 75% of that money came from me. It was money that I had saved over the years prior to being married.
2) What ruined my marriage was something that Brian talked about in a recent post: ALCOHOL and DRUGS. My then wife had been struggling with alcohol addiction ever since I met her. Things got worse over the years. She also developed an addiction for opiates, pain killers and pretty much any prescription drug that can make someone high.
Right after Christmas 2009, she got a DUI while driving in the middle of the night with no lights and with my 3-year old daughter in the front seat with no belt. She spent the night in jail and was charged with “child endangerment”. As a co-dependent, I got her out of jail, paid a DUI lawyer to take her case and paid half of her treatment ($20K) in what is considered the best rehab center in the US (Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage). So that’s already close to $30K that I spent to save her.
When she got out of rehab after 3 1/2 months, she decided to move to a hotel room and take our daughter with her. She claimed that she wanted to focus on her recovery and it would be better to be by herself. After what had happened, the last thing I wanted to do was to let her go by herself with our daughter. She refused to listen. For the safety of my daughter, I had no other choice than to hire a lawyer who filed a restraining order against her.
Ultimately I filed for divorce at the same time.
The whole divorce case cost me another $13K.
3) As you can see, the main reason I am having difficulties refinancing now is because of all the money I spent for her and then to defend myself and our daughter. I was nice enough to offer her shared child custody when my attorney recommended full custody for me.
When I am asking her parents to give me a little break, I don’t feel that I am taking advantage of them. I did a lot for their daughter and I need some time to recuperate all that wasted money.
Yes they helped us but frankly we didn’t need their help. Back in 2006, we had qualified for the full loan and I didn’t want to have a loan with my in-laws. It usually makes things more complicated.
4) Yes I feel emotionally attached to the property but the reason I want to keep it is really the practical aspect. I think that it would be extremely disruptive to my daughter if I move. After all, that’s her house too. If I move, I will end up renting an 2-bdr apartment in the same area that would cost me probably around $1,500 month, more than what the mortgage would cost me. The place is close to my work, it has good schools around and everything about it is convenient for me.
5) Really I am just $30K short to refinance. That’s why I was asking my ex-in-laws for a 2 year extension.
I guess I will have no other choice than taking $30K from my 401(k). Is it even possible to do so? What are the costs associated with taking money from a 401(k)? Will I have to pay a huge tax next year?
