OP: Can anyone recommend a smartphone?
spdrun: You don’t need a smart phone; carry flags for semaphore and build your own mainframe from chicken bones and discarded Atari 2600 parts. NEXT!
OP: How much do you typically pay a gardener?
spdrun: You don’t need a gardener; grow your own topiary maze and painstakingly, over the course of many years, train an army of voles to maintain it. NEXT!
OP: What’s everyone’s favorite pasta recipe?
spdrun: Only chumps eat solid food; you should become a being of pure energy and feed on sound waves. NEXT!
OP: Is this a good time to buy a house?
spdrun: If you live in a house you are an idiot. You should live in your car, which, if it’s not a 1984 Datsun 200SX, you are also an idiot. BOOM! MIC DROP, SMOKE BOMB, EXIT STAGE RIGHT!
