I think you’ve answered your own question. It doesn’t matter what anyone else would do because they won’t have the same preference function as you do.
If the money isn’t as important as other things, then it makes sense to move. You sound like you want to move and you lay out good reasons why you should move.
If your husband has the chance to “move up,” then this could be your opportunity to move back to the area you clearly miss very much.
IMHO, quality of life makes up for a lot and the research shows that the money isn’t going to make you as happy as doing what is right for your family.
OTOH, if the pay cut is so substantial that you can’t afford to live here, then the stress will more than take away from any benefits you gain by moving back “home.”
You don’t say what a $20,000-$40,000 cut is percentage-wise, so it’s hard to know how much of a hit you will be taking.
It’s hard to imagine house prices going much lower in real terms,considering rates and inflation now, so this is a good time to move back and you don’t have to live in the most expensive community so you can control your housing costs.
Raising an autistic child presents significant challenges – my own opinion is that you should evaluate the resources available to your child in different locales and then decide accordingly.
I have several colleagues with autistic children and one actually moved out of SoCal because fighting with the public school system in LA became too much. So be sure to research whether you can get the benefits here and how easily. It probably varies from district to district.
