Even if her house suffers 50% decline in value, she could still sell it and at least be debt-free. Like the stock market, sometimes you just have to cut your loss and move on.
She could move back in Queens or live in a cheaper area of Connecticut. I’ve done both (Flushing and New Haven) and it’s not bad at all.
My sister and her husband both work in NYC (live in Queens) and make less than $200K combined. They have 3 kids (all about the same age of this woman’s), paid off their mortgage in about 10 years and are living comfortably.
Earning $300K annually and broke is not acceptable in any city, even ones with higher cost-of-living than NYC (Tokyo, London, etc.). Things that she considers necessity are things that most of us can do without or can be trimmed down. It’s her choice to live in an affluent upper-class community. It’s her choice to have her kids feel the peer-pressure of much wealthier kids. It’s her choice to not want to leave a surrounding and lifestyle that she’s accustomed to.
No need to feel sorry for the choices she made and the predicament that she’s in right now. Most of us would gladly trade job (and pay) with her and would be able to find a much more cost-effective solution to carry on our lives without being broke.