I can so relate to your ideas about leaving CA. It is especially more difficult for you, as you have lived here all your life.
We have two close (couples) friends who left in the last 1-2 years. All 4 have Phds. One couple left for North Carolina, the other to Portland. They don’t regret their decisions.
The couple in Portland absolutely love it, the couple in NC aren’t wild about NC, but their quality of life has improved enormously. They were able to buy a beautiful home and the kids are in a really good school system.
My husband and I are struggling with the same decision you are thinking of making. He grew up in NC and went to college in Winston-Salem. He would like to live there, but high tech jobs are scarce.
As much as I would like to purchase a house, and in W-S we could write a check for one, I know what I would be missing (the nice things) in CA. Tough choices. BUT, it looks like the state of CA is really circling the drain right now, and leaving seems more like a good idea every day.
If I had kids, I would leave. Stay within reasonably easy flying distance (forget east coast) so that it won’t be too difficult to come home for visits. ie: Portland, Seattle, Salt Lake, Denver.