[quote=briansd1]That’s life. That’s the way things have been done for thousands of years.
I don’t think that it’s misleading as much as that marriage is a hypocritical institution.
If you really love each other, why do you need a legal marriage? You need the legal marriage as a kind of insurance policy.
Marriage is a social institution that coerces, compels and legally binds two families together to ensure continuity of the family and prosperity for the progeny. It has much less to do with love, because true love can stand on it’s own.
IMO, it’s possible to love someone you never had sex with and don’t marry. Love is a state of mind. It’s a mistake to confuse and conflate love with sex and marriage. They don’t necessarily go together.[/quote]
All very true. I’ve had long term relationships in my life, 7+ years and never married. I’ve had great sexual relationships that were emotionally destructive. Marriage does give one a sense of security (sometimes false) and I never had that before. And I’m not the one that wanted necessarily to get married. I’m surprised my DH wanted to, considering he was previously divorced (his ex was the cheater). I guess some people still believe in marriage. Society in general pushes for it.
I think what makes it different than, say, Bernie Madoff, is that you are marrying someone that you supposedly love and care about. If that is true, then why deceive them?
My brother was married for 10 years. He fell out of love. He wanted to be w/other women. He did not cheat on his wife. He explained to her that it was better for them to divorce. He did not want to deceive her. He wanted her to be happy and find somone who loved her. She was hurt at the time, but now is happy. I think it would’ve been more traumatic for her if he cheated on her. It affects the family, also. We really liked his wife and grew close to her. But now I can say that my brother did the right thing and had the courage to break off the marriage before matters got worse. He’s still single and wants to find someone he loves to marry again. But at least he was honorable enough to not cheat on his wife. She respects him for that.
I think if you are going to marry someone you claim to love, respect should be considered. Maybe I’m just too idealistic. That could explain why it took so long for me to actually marry.
[quote=briansd1] But I don’t believe that sex outside of marriage is irresponsible. Somecouples decide that the benefits of staying married outweigh the benefits ofdivorce. So they stay married. I don’t see anything wrong with that. It’s upto each spouse to make that decision. [/quote]
That’s fine if all parties agree and one is not blindsided by the person they love and trust.
