I was having coffee with a friend who just bought a new home in Rancho Del Vista Del Harmony Estates.
“You must be on cloud nine,” I said.
“Yes and no,” he replied. “I got a great deal, but my neighbor no longer speaks to me.”
“Some people just aren’t very sociable.”
“No, that’s not it. He was very nice until we started doing what Californians do.”
“What’s that?”
“Talking house.”
“With complete strangers.”
“We’d known each other for almost 10 minutes.”
“What went wrong?”
“Nothing at first. He asks how many square feet I have. I ask which plan he has — A, B or C. I don’t know if you’ve actually seen Rancho Del Vista Del Harmony Estates, but every house kinda looks the same.”
“I’ve seen it.”
“He asks if I got the carpet upgrade. I tell him of course. He asks if I have granite. Miles of it, I say.”
“He seems kind of nosy.”
“We’re just talking house. He asks about free window coverings. Got ’em, I say. They threw in a pool, too. ‘Good for you,’ he says. ‘Sure wish it was like that when I moved in 18 months ago.’ ”
“No hard feelings?”
“Not a whiff. He tells me he put down $50,000. So I tell him I put down $50,000, too.”
“You guys are getting along famously.”
“Then he puffs out his chest and says, ‘Just so you know, I didn’t get one of those funny-money loans. I’m good for my mortgage.’ And I say, ‘Right back atcha. You and me’ll be Rancho Del Vista lifers.”
“You’re already planning your retirement together.”
“Finally, he asks, ‘So what did you end up paying for the place?’ ”
“It always gets down to that.”
“I tell him $425,000. I’m gonna lie to him?”
“What did he say?”
“Nothing at first. He just sort of changes colors. Then he starts to sweat pretty heavily and kind of crumples to his lawn. He keeps his lawn up real good.”
“What did he say?”
“His exact words were, ‘I paid six hundred.’ His house has lost almost a third of its value in 18 months. It hit him pretty hard.”
“He’s got to realize that when the going gets tough, builders want to get going.”
“That’s how I always looked at it. You read these stories about builders knocking off 100 grand here or 150 there and you say, ‘I want a piece of that action, baby.’ ”
“Who wouldn’t?”
“Then you meet a poor sap like my neighbor, who’s suddenly not puffing out his chest anymore. He’s telling me he’ll never get his $50,000 out of his house.”
“Not a chance.”
“That he planned to borrow against his house to send his daughter to college.”
“I don’t think so.”
“He’s telling me about some Arizona job offer he can’t afford to even consider. Even if he sold his house — ”
“He wouldn’t have enough money to buy another one.”
“He says the only way he could take the job is to abandon the house. Let the bank have it.”
“I hope you tried to knock some sense into him.”
“I told him to think about how something like that would affect my property value.”
“And?”
“That’s when he stopped speaking to me.”
“Like I said, some people just aren’t very sociable.”
