Divorcing/Can’t sell house

[Ren]

This is why no one under the age of 35 should get married (until then, they’re usually still maturing), and only after a minimum of one year living together. Let’s face it, a 20-something couple is still rapidly changing and learning, and completely clueless about themselves and life in general.

If “a lot of work and effort” is necessary to save a marriage, I’m inclined to say that those people should not be together. Some compromise is essential, of course, but if you consider your marriage full time “work”, you’re incompatible. I believe friendship is more important than love for a couple to be happy in the very long term. Love comes naturally when you like spending time with someone, and it has little to do with the obsessive feeling of being “in love”. IMHO.

[bearishgurl]

Ren, agree with your entire post.

Unfortunately, many in the “baby-boomer set” (myself included) married young, some very young, and this was widely accepted and expected back then.

I’m glad to see young people now waiting longer to marry in order to know themselves better first.

[bearishgurl]

Ren, agree with your entire post.

Unfortunately, many in the “baby-boomer set” (myself included) married young, some very young, and this was widely accepted and expected back then.

I’m glad to see young people now waiting longer to marry in order to know themselves better first.

[bearishgurl]

Ren, agree with your entire post.

Unfortunately, many in the “baby-boomer set” (myself included) married young, some very young, and this was widely accepted and expected back then.

I’m glad to see young people now waiting longer to marry in order to know themselves better first.

[bearishgurl]

Ren, agree with your entire post.

Unfortunately, many in the “baby-boomer set” (myself included) married young, some very young, and this was widely accepted and expected back then.

I’m glad to see young people now waiting longer to marry in order to know themselves better first.

[bearishgurl]

Ren, agree with your entire post.

Unfortunately, many in the “baby-boomer set” (myself included) married young, some very young, and this was widely accepted and expected back then.

I’m glad to see young people now waiting longer to marry in order to know themselves better first.

[CA renter]

[quote=UCGal]I didn’t watch the show – but I read the bit at the link…

Divorce is expensive. Of course it’s more expensive to have 2 households, vs one. My parents came close to divorce more than once – but the financial realities (retirement moneys split, etc) kept them together… And they found a way to work it out and rekindle, over time. Maybe that gives me a different perspective than most – seeing my parents get VERY close to divorce, and find a way to work it out – through a lot of work and effort.

I’ve got friends who “fell out of love” and got divorced. The men complain about child support, and a lowered lifestyle because the ex got half the assets. The women complain about loss of the life they had before (material things) and how hard it is to make ends meet. There are no winners.[/quote]

You’re lucky, UCGal. My parents divorced after 22 years of marriage, and they were bitter about it until they died. Nobody won, and this is why my DH (also a child of bitter divorces — his parents have *EIGHT* divorces between the two of them) and I have agreed to live together as roommates/friends if it should ever have to come to that. Of course, I would only advocate staying together if there is no adultery, addiction, abuse, etc. (unless they have an agreement about an open relationship). My parents simply weren’t good friends. Like Ren said, friendship is much more important than “romantic” love in a long-term marriage, IMHO.

Funny how so many divorced/divorcing people can’t grasp the fact that when you split a pie into fractions, no matter if it’s 50/50, 80/20, 60/40, etc., it will ALWAYS be less than the whole. Nobody will be walking away better off than when they were married. Too often, the ex-spouses keep pointing fingers and blaming each other for their lowered standard of living when it’s just a mathematical fact that both parties *and their children* will suffer financially after divorce.

[CA renter]

[quote=UCGal]I didn’t watch the show – but I read the bit at the link…

Divorce is expensive. Of course it’s more expensive to have 2 households, vs one. My parents came close to divorce more than once – but the financial realities (retirement moneys split, etc) kept them together… And they found a way to work it out and rekindle, over time. Maybe that gives me a different perspective than most – seeing my parents get VERY close to divorce, and find a way to work it out – through a lot of work and effort.

I’ve got friends who “fell out of love” and got divorced. The men complain about child support, and a lowered lifestyle because the ex got half the assets. The women complain about loss of the life they had before (material things) and how hard it is to make ends meet. There are no winners.[/quote]

You’re lucky, UCGal. My parents divorced after 22 years of marriage, and they were bitter about it until they died. Nobody won, and this is why my DH (also a child of bitter divorces — his parents have *EIGHT* divorces between the two of them) and I have agreed to live together as roommates/friends if it should ever have to come to that. Of course, I would only advocate staying together if there is no adultery, addiction, abuse, etc. (unless they have an agreement about an open relationship). My parents simply weren’t good friends. Like Ren said, friendship is much more important than “romantic” love in a long-term marriage, IMHO.

Funny how so many divorced/divorcing people can’t grasp the fact that when you split a pie into fractions, no matter if it’s 50/50, 80/20, 60/40, etc., it will ALWAYS be less than the whole. Nobody will be walking away better off than when they were married. Too often, the ex-spouses keep pointing fingers and blaming each other for their lowered standard of living when it’s just a mathematical fact that both parties *and their children* will suffer financially after divorce.

[CA renter]

[quote=UCGal]I didn’t watch the show – but I read the bit at the link…

Divorce is expensive. Of course it’s more expensive to have 2 households, vs one. My parents came close to divorce more than once – but the financial realities (retirement moneys split, etc) kept them together… And they found a way to work it out and rekindle, over time. Maybe that gives me a different perspective than most – seeing my parents get VERY close to divorce, and find a way to work it out – through a lot of work and effort.

I’ve got friends who “fell out of love” and got divorced. The men complain about child support, and a lowered lifestyle because the ex got half the assets. The women complain about loss of the life they had before (material things) and how hard it is to make ends meet. There are no winners.[/quote]

You’re lucky, UCGal. My parents divorced after 22 years of marriage, and they were bitter about it until they died. Nobody won, and this is why my DH (also a child of bitter divorces — his parents have *EIGHT* divorces between the two of them) and I have agreed to live together as roommates/friends if it should ever have to come to that. Of course, I would only advocate staying together if there is no adultery, addiction, abuse, etc. (unless they have an agreement about an open relationship). My parents simply weren’t good friends. Like Ren said, friendship is much more important than “romantic” love in a long-term marriage, IMHO.

Funny how so many divorced/divorcing people can’t grasp the fact that when you split a pie into fractions, no matter if it’s 50/50, 80/20, 60/40, etc., it will ALWAYS be less than the whole. Nobody will be walking away better off than when they were married. Too often, the ex-spouses keep pointing fingers and blaming each other for their lowered standard of living when it’s just a mathematical fact that both parties *and their children* will suffer financially after divorce.

[CA renter]

[quote=UCGal]I didn’t watch the show – but I read the bit at the link…

Divorce is expensive. Of course it’s more expensive to have 2 households, vs one. My parents came close to divorce more than once – but the financial realities (retirement moneys split, etc) kept them together… And they found a way to work it out and rekindle, over time. Maybe that gives me a different perspective than most – seeing my parents get VERY close to divorce, and find a way to work it out – through a lot of work and effort.

I’ve got friends who “fell out of love” and got divorced. The men complain about child support, and a lowered lifestyle because the ex got half the assets. The women complain about loss of the life they had before (material things) and how hard it is to make ends meet. There are no winners.[/quote]

You’re lucky, UCGal. My parents divorced after 22 years of marriage, and they were bitter about it until they died. Nobody won, and this is why my DH (also a child of bitter divorces — his parents have *EIGHT* divorces between the two of them) and I have agreed to live together as roommates/friends if it should ever have to come to that. Of course, I would only advocate staying together if there is no adultery, addiction, abuse, etc. (unless they have an agreement about an open relationship). My parents simply weren’t good friends. Like Ren said, friendship is much more important than “romantic” love in a long-term marriage, IMHO.

Funny how so many divorced/divorcing people can’t grasp the fact that when you split a pie into fractions, no matter if it’s 50/50, 80/20, 60/40, etc., it will ALWAYS be less than the whole. Nobody will be walking away better off than when they were married. Too often, the ex-spouses keep pointing fingers and blaming each other for their lowered standard of living when it’s just a mathematical fact that both parties *and their children* will suffer financially after divorce.

[CA renter]

[quote=UCGal]I didn’t watch the show – but I read the bit at the link…

Divorce is expensive. Of course it’s more expensive to have 2 households, vs one. My parents came close to divorce more than once – but the financial realities (retirement moneys split, etc) kept them together… And they found a way to work it out and rekindle, over time. Maybe that gives me a different perspective than most – seeing my parents get VERY close to divorce, and find a way to work it out – through a lot of work and effort.

I’ve got friends who “fell out of love” and got divorced. The men complain about child support, and a lowered lifestyle because the ex got half the assets. The women complain about loss of the life they had before (material things) and how hard it is to make ends meet. There are no winners.[/quote]

You’re lucky, UCGal. My parents divorced after 22 years of marriage, and they were bitter about it until they died. Nobody won, and this is why my DH (also a child of bitter divorces — his parents have *EIGHT* divorces between the two of them) and I have agreed to live together as roommates/friends if it should ever have to come to that. Of course, I would only advocate staying together if there is no adultery, addiction, abuse, etc. (unless they have an agreement about an open relationship). My parents simply weren’t good friends. Like Ren said, friendship is much more important than “romantic” love in a long-term marriage, IMHO.

Funny how so many divorced/divorcing people can’t grasp the fact that when you split a pie into fractions, no matter if it’s 50/50, 80/20, 60/40, etc., it will ALWAYS be less than the whole. Nobody will be walking away better off than when they were married. Too often, the ex-spouses keep pointing fingers and blaming each other for their lowered standard of living when it’s just a mathematical fact that both parties *and their children* will suffer financially after divorce.

[Author]

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