Good luck to the OP. I must say, that as a life-long San Diegan, with my parents, grandparents, etc all in town, that things often sound different from a local’s perspective vs. transplants. In my experience, San Diego is a working class town that feels small, with some very tony areas. But most folks who are from here are normal, hard-working, relatively relaxed folks that you’d find anywhere else in the U.S. (except, thankfully, we have good diversity). I don’t need to live in NC costal or Coronado to enjoy the good life. Its always there, and always has been. Ride a bike there or drive. Its not far.
I think a lot of people move here, hang out in the tourist-brochure areas, want the dream, play the game in Carmel Valley, and get bummed out. I would too. The spike in housing bummed me out, believe me! Kinda changed our small-town feel a bit.
But to be honest, things are getting affordable in more normal San Diegan neighborhoods. I’ve seen a lot of nice normal houses between 300-350K in family neighborhoods.
I’d be happy to live in other parts of the country. But I’m glad I’m here.