she got a DUI while driving in the middle of the night with no lights and with my 3-year old daughter in the front seat with no belt. She spent the night in jail and was charged with “child endangerment”. As a co-dependent, I got her out of jail, paid a DUI lawyer to take her case and paid half of her treatment ($20K) in what is considered the best rehab center in the US (Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage). So that’s already close to $30K that I spent to save her.
When she got out of rehab after 3 1/2 months, she decided to move to a hotel room and take our daughter with her. She claimed that she wanted to focus on her recovery and it would be better to be by herself. After what had happened, the last thing I wanted to do was to let her go by herself with our daughter. She refused to listen. For the safety of my daughter, I had no other choice than to hire a lawyer who filed a restraining order against her.
Ultimately I filed for divorce at the same time.
The whole divorce case cost me another $13K.
3) As you can see, the main reason I am having difficulties refinancing now is because of all the money I spent for her and then to defend myself and our daughter. I was nice enough to offer her shared child custody when my attorney recommended full custody for me.
When I am asking her parents to give me a little break, I don’t feel that I am taking advantage of them. I did a lot for their daughter and I need some time to recuperate all that wasted money.
Yes they helped us but frankly we didn’t need their help. Back in 2006, we had qualified for the full loan and I didn’t want to have a loan with my in-laws. It usually makes things more complicated.
5) Really I am just $30K short to refinance. That’s why I was asking my ex-in-laws for a 2 year extension.
I guess I will have no other choice than taking $30K from my 401(k). Is it even possible to do so? What are the costs associated with taking money from a 401(k)? Will I have to pay a huge tax next year?[/quote]
Man I feel for you. I am so high strung that if my wife would have done that I would probably be in jail and im not bullSh@&in. Remeber even after you figure out the taxes and things on that 401k to secure that 30k you need you will be taking on another debt and will be counted against your monthly expenses for the refi. So if your already 40 or 45% dti (whatever that max is now) and if that loan throws it past the max dti you wont be able to refi unless you can do what I can on my 401k and take a longer loan for 30 years. At the current loan rates for a 401k loan its really not to bad but paying before taxed savings with after taxed income sucks. I wish you best of luck. That divorce was the best thing you could have done. Save those court papers and everything to show your daughter when she grows up asking questions. Those helped me understand my dads point of view when my mom bailed on us at the age of 5.
Sorry if post is kinda unreadable im tired for a kid thats BEEN TEETHING for over a year now its killing me.
