[quote=ninaprincess]I have been in the US half of my life but one thing I still don’t understand it that many American parents kick their children out of the house. Initially I heard people talking about it and I thought they were joking. I brought this up because I just read an article in yahoo about a 23 yr old homeless girl who was kicked out of the parents’ house.

My parents hated that we moved out of the house. They won’t take my money when I stayed with them. My mom would do wash my clothes and clean my room eventhough I told her not too. This is the same case for all of my cousins.[/quote]

ninaprincess, I am not personally acquainted with you family’s situation, but if it works for you, more power to you. Possibly your cultural background is one in which multiple generations of families live together, and all contribute to a productive and mutually beneficial loving family relationship, in which case, the current stories of family strife might appear odd to you.

In the case of American families, this has not been the custom for generations; certainly, not since World War II. What’s happening here now is not like it was back then, nor is it anything like what I described in my first paragraph. Adult children are moving back in with their parents, or never moving out in the first place. While economic conditions can be blamed for some of this phenomenon, quite often it’s because individuals have not been equipped by their parents with the skills they require to live an independent life, or have decided that, despite a good education and training, they simply do not wish to work at a job.

Keep in mind that these adult children would not be able to do this on their own. In reality, their parents enable their lifestyle by permitting their residence in the family home, and requiring nothing in the way of contributions to the family unit. The adult “children” insist that, because they are over 18, they are adults, they are independent and no one can tell them what to do. I’m not sure what their definition of independence is, but when you, yourself, are not able to pay for a roof over your head, a bed to sleep in, or food for your belly (not to mention your car payments, gas, and insurance, clothing, cell phone, entertainment, etc.), you are DEPENDENT upon another to pay for them.

Again, I am not personally familiar with your situation. However, there are many parents of adult children who continue to perform basic housekeeping duties for their children. Many of them admit that they keep hoping that their children will exhibit some evidence of personal responsibility and insist on doing the tasks themselves. Some mothers have an extremely difficult time separating themselves from their prior roles as mothers of small children, and continue to do these things in an attempt to keep their adult children dependent upon them (incidentally, not a sign of sterling mental health).

There are lots of adult “children” out there being dishonest with themselves about their parents’ actions, and misinterpreting them intentionally because they benefit from them. If they truly cannot wrest dirty laundry from their caring mother’s hands, or keep her from waiting on them, they should make sure that THEY do something positive for her, and for the family unit. If a parent won’t take money for room or board, steal a utility bill and pay it. Buy the parents a supermarket gift certificate. Go pick up some garden plants and mulch that you know they are planning on getting, or replace a small (or large) appliance on its last legs. Pick up some replacement cartridges for their printer. Parents may refuse to accept rent money from their adult children and continue to insist on performing personal tasks for them. That does not excuse them from their own responsibilities as an adult member of the household and the family unit. They need to contribute to a level that is equivalent to what they are taking from the family.