I stink at sports and parenting.

[Coronita]

…So growing up, I sucked at sports.. As an adult, I still suck at sports… But I said to myself, well the reason why I suck at sports is because my parents didn’t spend enough time with me at sports, so that’s why I suck. At least that was my excuse..

Well, it turns out my kid wants to do a team sport this summer. So part of me felt good, because playing on a team builds teamwork skills.

But then this intense fear hits me…I hope my kid doesn’t end up like me and ends up being the worst on the team…

…. So hastily, I’m like spending a lot of extra time outdoors practicing and practicing and practicing.. Not because I expect my kid to be a superstar. Or expect them to go to the olympics… I just want them to be “ok”….If this was a grading scale, I’m aiming for that C+….

After spending all this time (more so than anything academic related), and as much as I enjoyed the time spent together doing it..I come to the realization….

My effort didn’t do didly squat in terms of skills improvement. So maybe my parents are smarter than me….That or I stink at parenting.

(end vent)

[NotCranky]

It’s gonna be painful either way. I was good at sports and still am. Now I see my kids growing beyond some important years in sports , two of them have as much natural ability for hand eye coordination sports as I did and are plenty strong and I haven’t taught them in any serious manner.

We never watch sports on TV or have much sports culture at all in the family other than a few half assed seasons of soccer fro each kid and I took up running again last year. I feel remiss.

On the other hand, I never have seen the two older ones have a ton of natural desire to achieve in team sports I never wanted to force that. One of them rides his BMX bike a lot and loves that so we will try to get him in some races for which he has shown interest. I think BMX is really good as a hobby or team sport. He also runs with me sometimes and is good for what he has put into it.

So now, I feel like if I put a lot into my youngest son’s athletic ability It’s unfair to his brothers! He is the strongest of all of them. Some dads would kill to have a strong, fast and fearless boy like him to push into sports. I am not sure that’s cool. His personality is great for team sports….ugggggh!

[UCGal]

I feel your pain, flu. I sucked at sports, and hope to have my kids suck less. We’ve got them in basketball (two different seasons, summer and winter), and baseball. (fall ball and spring ball). They both hated soccer from the get-go.

Despite them not being naturals, they *are* learning team work and their skills are improving. In basketball it helps that they are on the tall-side for their age.

My younger son is much more into baseball than the older son. He’s chosen catcher as his position and worked hard to improve his skills. My older son plays baseball for social reasons, not because he’s enjoying the game, just the comradery. I don’t care -he’s outside, being physical, learning to work on a team. Over time, he’ll improve.

I’m not sure what sport your daughter is playing – but my younger son’s basketball league has a girls team playing against the other boys teams. It’s a group of girls that have played as a team in multiple leagues (basically, they’re ringers). They were phenomenal. Go girl-power.

[Coronita]

[quote=UCGal]I feel your pain, flu. I sucked at sports, and hope to have my kids suck less. We’ve got them in basketball (two different seasons, summer and winter), and baseball. (fall ball and spring ball). They both hated soccer from the get-go.

Despite them not being naturals, they *are* learning team work and their skills are improving. In basketball it helps that they are on the tall-side for their age.

My younger son is much more into baseball than the older son. He’s chosen catcher as his position and worked hard to improve his skills. My older son plays baseball for social reasons, not because he’s enjoying the game, just the comradery. I don’t care -he’s outside, being physical, learning to work on a team. Over time, he’ll improve.

I’m not sure what sport your daughter is playing – but my younger son’s basketball league has a girls team playing against the other boys teams. It’s a group of girls that have played as a team in multiple leagues (basically, they’re ringers). They were phenomenal. Go girl-power.[/quote]

She hates soccer (ok, well she says she hates it but didn’t really play on a team). She says she wanted to do basketball. But how she is when she’s playing with me is completely different when there’s a bunch of people. I guess part of it is personality…She doesn’t like confrontation. I think given the choices between winning and making the other team feel bad or having a tie, she’d rather have a tie….I think she took a little too seriously at school when they were told “winning isn’t everything”..One time I said “well, people don’t play to lose”….I made the mistake of initially not putting my kid in a competitive sport. I regret that… A little competition isn’t a bad idea. It builds character and goals to do better.

[Allan from Fallbrook]

Flu: I was an okay athlete when I started playing team sports as a kid (Little League and Pop Warner).

The competitive bug bit me when I was around 11, and that was when I learned to push myself. Team sports are indeed great for teaching good life lessons, but, beyond that, you learn more about yourself. I learned never to stay down and to always keep fighting, right to the end.

I look at certain obstacles I’ve overcome as an adult and realize that I learned the lesson as a kid.

Sometimes, NOT being great at sports is actually better. You have to fight for it, and work harder and develop that hard-nosed, “never-say-die” attitude.

Some of the toughest football players I knew were the smaller guys, and I remember a coach saying, “It ain’t the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog”.

[SD Realtor]

Flu I can totally understand your dilema…. it is a really tough call. My two boys are entirely different… my older one loves all sports but is addicted to baseball. He is really good, all star level and would play select if his mom would let him but she will not. Beyond that anything with a ball he will play…. from organized to pickup including things like dodgeball… kickball… etc… The younger one, by 15 months is entirely different… while he is stronger and faster then the older one, his hand eye coordination is not quite as good. He can be better at sports then the older one but is only lukewarm on them. As much as I would like to push him I am careful not to so he picks and chooses what he plays to an extent. For instance he likes hockey alot but he skates like crap and because of that he doesn’t go hard and at times just doesnt try. So I told him when he wanted to play recently that if he didn’t try hard then he wouldn’t play… so that is what happened, he joined, he didn’t try so we stopped…. Fall baseball is starting soon and my oldest is ready to go, my younger one asked if he could play and if so would I coach so of course I said yes.

The problematic issue with organized sports is that they are competitive quick… By 7/8 the quality of the experience will vary with the childrens ability in most all the teams for most all the types of sports that are commonly available for kids. It is just the way it is. I did practice with my kids alot and have always been good at sports from ice hockey to capture the flag and everythning in between. So getting out and playing with them in the park or at the rink or tennis court or whatever is just something I do with them independent of them playing in any league. Time spent with them is what counts.

I do believe that Allan brought up really good points that sports can help develop positive personality traits and life experiences. Don’t be afraid of individual sports as well, tennis for instance. They are great ways to spend alone time with your child and there are lots of tennis teams and stuff.

Anyways thumbs up to any sport… yes it is a crapshoot about how positive the experience will be but life is that way. Your child will get more out of it when you are there to share it with.

[Coronita]

Here’s the problem I have with the concept the concept of “good enough”…

Good enough meaning, if you’re careless and get things wrong but understand the basic concepts, “good enough”…pass with “above expectations”…

If you understand basic material. Good enough…Don’t need to challenge oneself anymore…

If you’re outside running around, “good enough”… No need to time the event.. It doesn’t matter what time you finish in..

If you stink at sports… “good enough” if you’re just out there taking up space…

Some kids don’t take this to heart and actually want to be better depending on what… If not in academics, in sports, or both…

The problem is some kids (mine I think) actually take it to heart the concept of “good enough” overboard…and started not giving a hoot…

Need to deprogram the concept of “good enough”. It’s not that I expect perfection. But this “good enough” concept is just..mind boggling to me…

[Allan from Fallbrook]

[quote=flu]Here’s the problem I have with the concept the concept of “good enough”…

Good enough meaning, if you’re careless and get things wrong but understand the basic concepts, “good enough”…pass with “above expectations”…u

If you understand basic material. Good enough…Don’t need to challenge oneself anymore…

If you’re outside running around, “good enough”… No need to time the event.. It doesn’t matter what time you finish in..

If you stink at sports… “good enough” if you’re just out there taking up space…

Some kids don’t take this to heart and actually want to be better depending on what… If not in academics, in sports, or both…

The problem is some kids (mine I think) actually take it to heart the concept of “good enough” overboard…and started not giving a hoot…

Need to deprogram the concept of “good enough”. It’s not that I expect perfection. But this “good enough” concept is just..mind boggling to me…[/quote]

Flu: Welcome to the age of the “Participation” trophy. Everyone gets an award for showing up. Or, put another way, if everyone is excellent, then no one is.

There is so much concern over these little tykes feeling bad about themselves, that schools and sporting leagues and clubs have made it de rigueur to just give awards and trophies to all participants and that way no one feels left out or feels bad about themselves. We’ve PC’d our way into mediocrity for all.

I’m not sure when striving for excellence and being elite became anathema, but it is.

[NotCranky]

There is nothing wrong with , not striving in sports. It just doesn’t work well when you are on a team because most of your teammates and their parents , do want to win. That’s not a good environment to just be in it for socializing and exercising.

I am not too worried about competitive sports success being necessary for life. There are lots of things kids can grow up on. I just don’t want my kids wishing I had helped them more. We do talk about it , I more or less think is is balancing itself out. I don’t truly think it makes or breaks people and it may harm as many as it truly helps. There are a lot of kids who do value sports more than academics even in grade school and few of them will ever go very far. Most won’t go any farther than leagues that they essentially buy their way into. With large high schools a lot fewer will play so most city kids are done early as far as being any kind of a big shot. Lucky kids who have a senior class of 40 and get to do 5 sports, I guess. Like SDRealtor said there are a lot of great ways to exercise if the positives of competitive sports can’t compete in your child’s eyes.

[CDMA ENG]

Have the kid do sports because they want to do sports. If they are in an introverted you may never be able to bring them out of the shell anyway.

But you do have some options to help with your fears.

First selection: Team or Single person sport.

Second selection: League.

If your kid is more of the loner type they may prefer something along that lines. You still are forced to interact with people but there is no peer fear for failure.

I was not really a loner but I did not like the thought or people relying on me or the other way around. I preferred swim club, martial arts, and BMX to team sports.

There are also a great many options in terms of league play and skill.

Rec park offer great “get involved but not-so-competitive” leagues… While on the other hand SDR has a kid playing at the almost “Semi-Pro” level league.

So you should be able to find something that fits your kids personality and comfort…

CE

[SD Realtor]

Allan the participation trophy is the downfall of society… though it is a perfect description of what is desired by many these days.

[NotCranky]

Participation trophy is probably the response to the jock ego trip, not the right response, but still. We are not very good at keep sports outcomes in perspective.

[joec]

Hmm, we’re looking to just to just see what our kids are good at and go from there…Probably lean towards baseball, basketball depending on their likes since you really need the kid to really want to play it or practice it vs. forcing them since they’ll give up against someone who likes it more.

Actually, what I would really want some info on is cart racing for young kids? Anyone have links or info on that?

I’m hoping we can try to be like the Jeremy Lin parents and just force them to do well enough in school to get to a great college, but still play ball throughout and be good enough to have more fun/options in life…

Heard Lin may end up being a Laker now?

[Allan from Fallbrook]

[quote=Blogstar]Participation trophy is probably the response to the jock ego trip, not the right response, but still. We are not very good at keep sports outcomes in perspective.[/quote]

Russ: Actually, it’s a result of these Helicopter Parents getting miffed that Little Johnny and Suzy aren’t being recognized as God’s precious and unique and talented snowflakes and demanding their according due.

Thus, everyone now gets a trophy, presumably for their ability to breathe air without assistance, whilst standing on a sideline.

[Allan from Fallbrook]

[quote=SD Realtor]Allan the participation trophy is the downfall of society… [/quote]

Yup. That and anti-bacterial soap.

[Author]

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