Ex-in-laws (3rd party creditors) want to foreclose on my condo

[earlyretirement]

I agree with the others you should consult an attorney. However, I will throw in my 2 cents. I agree it’s not such a good idea being emotionally attached to a property. That being said, it sounds like you also live in it.

My feeling is it’s never a good idea to use retirement savings if you don’t have to but in this case it doesn’t sound like you have too many alternatives right now.

I’m not sure what your relationship is with your ex-wife but even if it’s not good, my feelings are you should pay her parents back the loan. After all, they helped you out in your time of need and helped you get the home. This isn’t like some faceless bank loaned you the funds to buy the place where you lived with your ex-wife. For all intent and purposes, this was your FAMILY.

It’s your decision to be emotionally attached to the property but I think in that situation, you should pay them back without having them jump through hoops, or get a ton of lawyers involved. It doesn’t sound like you’re in the situation to waste a lot of money on legal bills right now anyway.

Put yourselves in the shoes of your in-laws. I sure wouldn’t want to wait 2 more years. You never know what will happen in 2 years. You hope prices go up, but they could continue going down. You could lose your job, etc. etc.

In your divorce agreement, you agreed to the terms of getting this property under your own name and refinanced. So it’s not like “they want you out on the street”. They just want their money that they graciously loaned you while you were married to their daughter. They did a good thing/gesture helping you out. Something that I think would be wise to remember. Put yourself in their shoes.

Do the right thing and pay them back for heaven’s sake. People tend to have a one way memory or way of thinking. The reality of the situation is probably that when you got married and couldn’t quality for a loan on your own, they helped you out (when you might have been “out on the street”).

My guess is you already asked your divorce attorney and he said to pay it back as it’s the right thing to do. But you’re still looking for other opinions until you hear what you want to hear.

You shouldn’t have agreed to refinance the condo in your own name if you weren’t prepared to follow through with that agreement.

Just my 2 cents.

[ucodegen]

I agree with the previous posters about not getting attached to the property, as well as reserving the services of an attorney. I think something is fishy with the claimed deed of trust. Looking at what you present as the note reads that it is unsecured (no mention of the loan being secured by the property, right to take possession if in arrears etc). You can’t get it converted to a deed of trust without you being in arrears (behind in payments to in-laws) and them going to the court to place a lien on the property, followed by using the lien to get deed of trust.

There is also nothing in the loan arrangements from the in-laws indicating that the note is callable. This means that if you are not in arrears, they legally can’t take action. One thing that does bother me about the note, is that it is open-ended. It states principal and interest but does not state to total time-period for the loan (30day? 15year? 30year? 50year? – which is required for amortization calculations for principal and interest). There is also nothing in the note saying that it becomes callable should the two of you get divorced.

There is also the issue of how the divorce occurs. California is a community property state. How were the assets divided upon divorce? Is it final yet? Was the property in both your names?(did she forge your signature to quit-claim your portion of the property to get the dead of trust – if this occurred, it can be straight to jail for her) – again this is why you need an attorney.

[ucodegen]

I agree with the previous posters about not getting attached to the property, as well as reserving the services of an attorney. I think something is fishy with the claimed deed of trust. Looking at what you present as the note reads that it is unsecured (no mention of the loan being secured by the property, right to take possession if in arrears etc). You can’t get it converted to a deed of trust without you being in arrears (behind in payments to in-laws) and them going to the court to place a lien on the property, followed by using the lien to get deed of trust.

There is also nothing in the loan arrangements from the in-laws indicating that the note is callable. This means that if you are not in arrears, they legally can’t take action. One thing that does bother me about the note, is that it is open-ended. It states principal and interest but does not state to total time-period for the loan (30day? 15year? 30year? 50year? – which is required for amortization calculations for principal and interest). There is also nothing in the note saying that it becomes callable should the two of you get divorced.

There is also the issue of how the divorce occurs. California is a community property state. How were the assets divided upon divorce? Is it final yet? Was the property in both your names?(did she forge your signature to quit-claim your portion of the property to get the dead of trust – if this occurred, it can be straight to jail for her) – again this is why you need an attorney.

[ucodegen]

I agree with the previous posters about not getting attached to the property, as well as reserving the services of an attorney. I think something is fishy with the claimed deed of trust. Looking at what you present as the note reads that it is unsecured (no mention of the loan being secured by the property, right to take possession if in arrears etc). You can’t get it converted to a deed of trust without you being in arrears (behind in payments to in-laws) and them going to the court to place a lien on the property, followed by using the lien to get deed of trust.

There is also nothing in the loan arrangements from the in-laws indicating that the note is callable. This means that if you are not in arrears, they legally can’t take action. One thing that does bother me about the note, is that it is open-ended. It states principal and interest but does not state to total time-period for the loan (30day? 15year? 30year? 50year? – which is required for amortization calculations for principal and interest). There is also nothing in the note saying that it becomes callable should the two of you get divorced.

There is also the issue of how the divorce occurs. California is a community property state. How were the assets divided upon divorce? Is it final yet? Was the property in both your names?(did she forge your signature to quit-claim your portion of the property to get the dead of trust – if this occurred, it can be straight to jail for her) – again this is why you need an attorney.

[ucodegen]

I agree with the previous posters about not getting attached to the property, as well as reserving the services of an attorney. I think something is fishy with the claimed deed of trust. Looking at what you present as the note reads that it is unsecured (no mention of the loan being secured by the property, right to take possession if in arrears etc). You can’t get it converted to a deed of trust without you being in arrears (behind in payments to in-laws) and them going to the court to place a lien on the property, followed by using the lien to get deed of trust.

There is also nothing in the loan arrangements from the in-laws indicating that the note is callable. This means that if you are not in arrears, they legally can’t take action. One thing that does bother me about the note, is that it is open-ended. It states principal and interest but does not state to total time-period for the loan (30day? 15year? 30year? 50year? – which is required for amortization calculations for principal and interest). There is also nothing in the note saying that it becomes callable should the two of you get divorced.

There is also the issue of how the divorce occurs. California is a community property state. How were the assets divided upon divorce? Is it final yet? Was the property in both your names?(did she forge your signature to quit-claim your portion of the property to get the dead of trust – if this occurred, it can be straight to jail for her) – again this is why you need an attorney.

[ucodegen]

I agree with the previous posters about not getting attached to the property, as well as reserving the services of an attorney. I think something is fishy with the claimed deed of trust. Looking at what you present as the note reads that it is unsecured (no mention of the loan being secured by the property, right to take possession if in arrears etc). You can’t get it converted to a deed of trust without you being in arrears (behind in payments to in-laws) and them going to the court to place a lien on the property, followed by using the lien to get deed of trust.

There is also nothing in the loan arrangements from the in-laws indicating that the note is callable. This means that if you are not in arrears, they legally can’t take action. One thing that does bother me about the note, is that it is open-ended. It states principal and interest but does not state to total time-period for the loan (30day? 15year? 30year? 50year? – which is required for amortization calculations for principal and interest). There is also nothing in the note saying that it becomes callable should the two of you get divorced.

There is also the issue of how the divorce occurs. California is a community property state. How were the assets divided upon divorce? Is it final yet? Was the property in both your names?(did she forge your signature to quit-claim your portion of the property to get the dead of trust – if this occurred, it can be straight to jail for her) – again this is why you need an attorney.

[frenchlambda]

Thanks to all for your feedback.

To answers some of the questions:
– my divorce has been final for 2 months
– a few months ago, while my then wife and I were trying to reach an agreement, her parents freaked out about the loan they gave us. They hired an attorney who threatened me to take legal action against me if I refused to sign a deed of trust for the benefit of his clients.
– at this time, my wife was refusing to sign a “stipulation and order” that showed that I was entitled to some other reimbursement
– so we worked out a deal. I signed the deed of trust and my wife signed the “stipulation and order” document.

Now I think it’s important to tell where I am coming from.

1) When we bought the condo back in 2006, we came with a down payment of $140K. 75% of that money came from me. It was money that I had saved over the years prior to being married.

2) What ruined my marriage was something that Brian talked about in a recent post: ALCOHOL and DRUGS. My then wife had been struggling with alcohol addiction ever since I met her. Things got worse over the years. She also developed an addiction for opiates, pain killers and pretty much any prescription drug that can make someone high.
Right after Christmas 2009, she got a DUI while driving in the middle of the night with no lights and with my 3-year old daughter in the front seat with no belt. She spent the night in jail and was charged with “child endangerment”. As a co-dependent, I got her out of jail, paid a DUI lawyer to take her case and paid half of her treatment ($20K) in what is considered the best rehab center in the US (Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage). So that’s already close to $30K that I spent to save her.
When she got out of rehab after 3 1/2 months, she decided to move to a hotel room and take our daughter with her. She claimed that she wanted to focus on her recovery and it would be better to be by herself. After what had happened, the last thing I wanted to do was to let her go by herself with our daughter. She refused to listen. For the safety of my daughter, I had no other choice than to hire a lawyer who filed a restraining order against her.
Ultimately I filed for divorce at the same time.
The whole divorce case cost me another $13K.

3) As you can see, the main reason I am having difficulties refinancing now is because of all the money I spent for her and then to defend myself and our daughter. I was nice enough to offer her shared child custody when my attorney recommended full custody for me.
When I am asking her parents to give me a little break, I don’t feel that I am taking advantage of them. I did a lot for their daughter and I need some time to recuperate all that wasted money.
Yes they helped us but frankly we didn’t need their help. Back in 2006, we had qualified for the full loan and I didn’t want to have a loan with my in-laws. It usually makes things more complicated.

4) Yes I feel emotionally attached to the property but the reason I want to keep it is really the practical aspect. I think that it would be extremely disruptive to my daughter if I move. After all, that’s her house too. If I move, I will end up renting an 2-bdr apartment in the same area that would cost me probably around $1,500 month, more than what the mortgage would cost me. The place is close to my work, it has good schools around and everything about it is convenient for me.

5) Really I am just $30K short to refinance. That’s why I was asking my ex-in-laws for a 2 year extension.
I guess I will have no other choice than taking $30K from my 401(k). Is it even possible to do so? What are the costs associated with taking money from a 401(k)? Will I have to pay a huge tax next year?

[frenchlambda]

Thanks to all for your feedback.

To answers some of the questions:
– my divorce has been final for 2 months
– a few months ago, while my then wife and I were trying to reach an agreement, her parents freaked out about the loan they gave us. They hired an attorney who threatened me to take legal action against me if I refused to sign a deed of trust for the benefit of his clients.
– at this time, my wife was refusing to sign a “stipulation and order” that showed that I was entitled to some other reimbursement
– so we worked out a deal. I signed the deed of trust and my wife signed the “stipulation and order” document.

Now I think it’s important to tell where I am coming from.

1) When we bought the condo back in 2006, we came with a down payment of $140K. 75% of that money came from me. It was money that I had saved over the years prior to being married.

2) What ruined my marriage was something that Brian talked about in a recent post: ALCOHOL and DRUGS. My then wife had been struggling with alcohol addiction ever since I met her. Things got worse over the years. She also developed an addiction for opiates, pain killers and pretty much any prescription drug that can make someone high.
Right after Christmas 2009, she got a DUI while driving in the middle of the night with no lights and with my 3-year old daughter in the front seat with no belt. She spent the night in jail and was charged with “child endangerment”. As a co-dependent, I got her out of jail, paid a DUI lawyer to take her case and paid half of her treatment ($20K) in what is considered the best rehab center in the US (Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage). So that’s already close to $30K that I spent to save her.
When she got out of rehab after 3 1/2 months, she decided to move to a hotel room and take our daughter with her. She claimed that she wanted to focus on her recovery and it would be better to be by herself. After what had happened, the last thing I wanted to do was to let her go by herself with our daughter. She refused to listen. For the safety of my daughter, I had no other choice than to hire a lawyer who filed a restraining order against her.
Ultimately I filed for divorce at the same time.
The whole divorce case cost me another $13K.

3) As you can see, the main reason I am having difficulties refinancing now is because of all the money I spent for her and then to defend myself and our daughter. I was nice enough to offer her shared child custody when my attorney recommended full custody for me.
When I am asking her parents to give me a little break, I don’t feel that I am taking advantage of them. I did a lot for their daughter and I need some time to recuperate all that wasted money.
Yes they helped us but frankly we didn’t need their help. Back in 2006, we had qualified for the full loan and I didn’t want to have a loan with my in-laws. It usually makes things more complicated.

4) Yes I feel emotionally attached to the property but the reason I want to keep it is really the practical aspect. I think that it would be extremely disruptive to my daughter if I move. After all, that’s her house too. If I move, I will end up renting an 2-bdr apartment in the same area that would cost me probably around $1,500 month, more than what the mortgage would cost me. The place is close to my work, it has good schools around and everything about it is convenient for me.

5) Really I am just $30K short to refinance. That’s why I was asking my ex-in-laws for a 2 year extension.
I guess I will have no other choice than taking $30K from my 401(k). Is it even possible to do so? What are the costs associated with taking money from a 401(k)? Will I have to pay a huge tax next year?

[frenchlambda]

Thanks to all for your feedback.

To answers some of the questions:
– my divorce has been final for 2 months
– a few months ago, while my then wife and I were trying to reach an agreement, her parents freaked out about the loan they gave us. They hired an attorney who threatened me to take legal action against me if I refused to sign a deed of trust for the benefit of his clients.
– at this time, my wife was refusing to sign a “stipulation and order” that showed that I was entitled to some other reimbursement
– so we worked out a deal. I signed the deed of trust and my wife signed the “stipulation and order” document.

Now I think it’s important to tell where I am coming from.

1) When we bought the condo back in 2006, we came with a down payment of $140K. 75% of that money came from me. It was money that I had saved over the years prior to being married.

2) What ruined my marriage was something that Brian talked about in a recent post: ALCOHOL and DRUGS. My then wife had been struggling with alcohol addiction ever since I met her. Things got worse over the years. She also developed an addiction for opiates, pain killers and pretty much any prescription drug that can make someone high.
Right after Christmas 2009, she got a DUI while driving in the middle of the night with no lights and with my 3-year old daughter in the front seat with no belt. She spent the night in jail and was charged with “child endangerment”. As a co-dependent, I got her out of jail, paid a DUI lawyer to take her case and paid half of her treatment ($20K) in what is considered the best rehab center in the US (Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage). So that’s already close to $30K that I spent to save her.
When she got out of rehab after 3 1/2 months, she decided to move to a hotel room and take our daughter with her. She claimed that she wanted to focus on her recovery and it would be better to be by herself. After what had happened, the last thing I wanted to do was to let her go by herself with our daughter. She refused to listen. For the safety of my daughter, I had no other choice than to hire a lawyer who filed a restraining order against her.
Ultimately I filed for divorce at the same time.
The whole divorce case cost me another $13K.

3) As you can see, the main reason I am having difficulties refinancing now is because of all the money I spent for her and then to defend myself and our daughter. I was nice enough to offer her shared child custody when my attorney recommended full custody for me.
When I am asking her parents to give me a little break, I don’t feel that I am taking advantage of them. I did a lot for their daughter and I need some time to recuperate all that wasted money.
Yes they helped us but frankly we didn’t need their help. Back in 2006, we had qualified for the full loan and I didn’t want to have a loan with my in-laws. It usually makes things more complicated.

4) Yes I feel emotionally attached to the property but the reason I want to keep it is really the practical aspect. I think that it would be extremely disruptive to my daughter if I move. After all, that’s her house too. If I move, I will end up renting an 2-bdr apartment in the same area that would cost me probably around $1,500 month, more than what the mortgage would cost me. The place is close to my work, it has good schools around and everything about it is convenient for me.

5) Really I am just $30K short to refinance. That’s why I was asking my ex-in-laws for a 2 year extension.
I guess I will have no other choice than taking $30K from my 401(k). Is it even possible to do so? What are the costs associated with taking money from a 401(k)? Will I have to pay a huge tax next year?

[frenchlambda]

Thanks to all for your feedback.

To answers some of the questions:
– my divorce has been final for 2 months
– a few months ago, while my then wife and I were trying to reach an agreement, her parents freaked out about the loan they gave us. They hired an attorney who threatened me to take legal action against me if I refused to sign a deed of trust for the benefit of his clients.
– at this time, my wife was refusing to sign a “stipulation and order” that showed that I was entitled to some other reimbursement
– so we worked out a deal. I signed the deed of trust and my wife signed the “stipulation and order” document.

Now I think it’s important to tell where I am coming from.

1) When we bought the condo back in 2006, we came with a down payment of $140K. 75% of that money came from me. It was money that I had saved over the years prior to being married.

2) What ruined my marriage was something that Brian talked about in a recent post: ALCOHOL and DRUGS. My then wife had been struggling with alcohol addiction ever since I met her. Things got worse over the years. She also developed an addiction for opiates, pain killers and pretty much any prescription drug that can make someone high.
Right after Christmas 2009, she got a DUI while driving in the middle of the night with no lights and with my 3-year old daughter in the front seat with no belt. She spent the night in jail and was charged with “child endangerment”. As a co-dependent, I got her out of jail, paid a DUI lawyer to take her case and paid half of her treatment ($20K) in what is considered the best rehab center in the US (Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage). So that’s already close to $30K that I spent to save her.
When she got out of rehab after 3 1/2 months, she decided to move to a hotel room and take our daughter with her. She claimed that she wanted to focus on her recovery and it would be better to be by herself. After what had happened, the last thing I wanted to do was to let her go by herself with our daughter. She refused to listen. For the safety of my daughter, I had no other choice than to hire a lawyer who filed a restraining order against her.
Ultimately I filed for divorce at the same time.
The whole divorce case cost me another $13K.

3) As you can see, the main reason I am having difficulties refinancing now is because of all the money I spent for her and then to defend myself and our daughter. I was nice enough to offer her shared child custody when my attorney recommended full custody for me.
When I am asking her parents to give me a little break, I don’t feel that I am taking advantage of them. I did a lot for their daughter and I need some time to recuperate all that wasted money.
Yes they helped us but frankly we didn’t need their help. Back in 2006, we had qualified for the full loan and I didn’t want to have a loan with my in-laws. It usually makes things more complicated.

4) Yes I feel emotionally attached to the property but the reason I want to keep it is really the practical aspect. I think that it would be extremely disruptive to my daughter if I move. After all, that’s her house too. If I move, I will end up renting an 2-bdr apartment in the same area that would cost me probably around $1,500 month, more than what the mortgage would cost me. The place is close to my work, it has good schools around and everything about it is convenient for me.

5) Really I am just $30K short to refinance. That’s why I was asking my ex-in-laws for a 2 year extension.
I guess I will have no other choice than taking $30K from my 401(k). Is it even possible to do so? What are the costs associated with taking money from a 401(k)? Will I have to pay a huge tax next year?

[frenchlambda]

Thanks to all for your feedback.

To answers some of the questions:
– my divorce has been final for 2 months
– a few months ago, while my then wife and I were trying to reach an agreement, her parents freaked out about the loan they gave us. They hired an attorney who threatened me to take legal action against me if I refused to sign a deed of trust for the benefit of his clients.
– at this time, my wife was refusing to sign a “stipulation and order” that showed that I was entitled to some other reimbursement
– so we worked out a deal. I signed the deed of trust and my wife signed the “stipulation and order” document.

Now I think it’s important to tell where I am coming from.

1) When we bought the condo back in 2006, we came with a down payment of $140K. 75% of that money came from me. It was money that I had saved over the years prior to being married.

2) What ruined my marriage was something that Brian talked about in a recent post: ALCOHOL and DRUGS. My then wife had been struggling with alcohol addiction ever since I met her. Things got worse over the years. She also developed an addiction for opiates, pain killers and pretty much any prescription drug that can make someone high.
Right after Christmas 2009, she got a DUI while driving in the middle of the night with no lights and with my 3-year old daughter in the front seat with no belt. She spent the night in jail and was charged with “child endangerment”. As a co-dependent, I got her out of jail, paid a DUI lawyer to take her case and paid half of her treatment ($20K) in what is considered the best rehab center in the US (Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage). So that’s already close to $30K that I spent to save her.
When she got out of rehab after 3 1/2 months, she decided to move to a hotel room and take our daughter with her. She claimed that she wanted to focus on her recovery and it would be better to be by herself. After what had happened, the last thing I wanted to do was to let her go by herself with our daughter. She refused to listen. For the safety of my daughter, I had no other choice than to hire a lawyer who filed a restraining order against her.
Ultimately I filed for divorce at the same time.
The whole divorce case cost me another $13K.

3) As you can see, the main reason I am having difficulties refinancing now is because of all the money I spent for her and then to defend myself and our daughter. I was nice enough to offer her shared child custody when my attorney recommended full custody for me.
When I am asking her parents to give me a little break, I don’t feel that I am taking advantage of them. I did a lot for their daughter and I need some time to recuperate all that wasted money.
Yes they helped us but frankly we didn’t need their help. Back in 2006, we had qualified for the full loan and I didn’t want to have a loan with my in-laws. It usually makes things more complicated.

4) Yes I feel emotionally attached to the property but the reason I want to keep it is really the practical aspect. I think that it would be extremely disruptive to my daughter if I move. After all, that’s her house too. If I move, I will end up renting an 2-bdr apartment in the same area that would cost me probably around $1,500 month, more than what the mortgage would cost me. The place is close to my work, it has good schools around and everything about it is convenient for me.

5) Really I am just $30K short to refinance. That’s why I was asking my ex-in-laws for a 2 year extension.
I guess I will have no other choice than taking $30K from my 401(k). Is it even possible to do so? What are the costs associated with taking money from a 401(k)? Will I have to pay a huge tax next year?

[eavesdropper]

[quote=frenchlambda] Yes I feel emotionally attached to the property but the reason I want to keep it is really the practical aspect. I think that it would be extremely disruptive to my daughter if I move. After all, that’s her house too. If I move, I will end up renting an 2-bdr apartment in the same area that would cost me probably around $1,500 month, more than what the mortgage would cost me. The place is close to my work, it has good schools around and everything about it is convenient for me. [/quote]

I’m going to refrain from responding to the remainder of your email, but feel compelled to address the issue you raise above.

I do see your point about your daughter, but unpleasant relations with your in-laws and ex-wife over money will prove to be MUCH more disruptive to your daughter than any move could be. There is a lot going on in this situation, and I’m sure that everyone’s emotions are running high. It sounds as though you have many reasons to be upset and angry, but I’m strongly advising you to work on letting it go. Otherwise, it WILL affect your daughter in a negative way. Newly-divorced parents think that they can keep their feelings to themselves, and that their children will not notice, but they are wrong.

If you can find a manageable way to refinance the property and pay off your in-laws, do so. BEFORE you withdraw the money from your 401K, be sure to (1) thoroughly check out tax/penalty information with IRS, and (2) work out a plan for repayment. If you cannot make payments on your CURRENT salary, do not borrow the money. Leaving a house voluntarily is a lot less traumatic than being forced out by foreclosure.

It will be much better for your daughter if you disengage yourself from all monetary obligations to your ex-in-laws. Bonne chance, et meilleurs vœux pour votre nouvelle vie.

[eavesdropper]

[quote=frenchlambda] Yes I feel emotionally attached to the property but the reason I want to keep it is really the practical aspect. I think that it would be extremely disruptive to my daughter if I move. After all, that’s her house too. If I move, I will end up renting an 2-bdr apartment in the same area that would cost me probably around $1,500 month, more than what the mortgage would cost me. The place is close to my work, it has good schools around and everything about it is convenient for me. [/quote]

I’m going to refrain from responding to the remainder of your email, but feel compelled to address the issue you raise above.

I do see your point about your daughter, but unpleasant relations with your in-laws and ex-wife over money will prove to be MUCH more disruptive to your daughter than any move could be. There is a lot going on in this situation, and I’m sure that everyone’s emotions are running high. It sounds as though you have many reasons to be upset and angry, but I’m strongly advising you to work on letting it go. Otherwise, it WILL affect your daughter in a negative way. Newly-divorced parents think that they can keep their feelings to themselves, and that their children will not notice, but they are wrong.

If you can find a manageable way to refinance the property and pay off your in-laws, do so. BEFORE you withdraw the money from your 401K, be sure to (1) thoroughly check out tax/penalty information with IRS, and (2) work out a plan for repayment. If you cannot make payments on your CURRENT salary, do not borrow the money. Leaving a house voluntarily is a lot less traumatic than being forced out by foreclosure.

It will be much better for your daughter if you disengage yourself from all monetary obligations to your ex-in-laws. Bonne chance, et meilleurs vœux pour votre nouvelle vie.

[eavesdropper]

[quote=frenchlambda] Yes I feel emotionally attached to the property but the reason I want to keep it is really the practical aspect. I think that it would be extremely disruptive to my daughter if I move. After all, that’s her house too. If I move, I will end up renting an 2-bdr apartment in the same area that would cost me probably around $1,500 month, more than what the mortgage would cost me. The place is close to my work, it has good schools around and everything about it is convenient for me. [/quote]

I’m going to refrain from responding to the remainder of your email, but feel compelled to address the issue you raise above.

I do see your point about your daughter, but unpleasant relations with your in-laws and ex-wife over money will prove to be MUCH more disruptive to your daughter than any move could be. There is a lot going on in this situation, and I’m sure that everyone’s emotions are running high. It sounds as though you have many reasons to be upset and angry, but I’m strongly advising you to work on letting it go. Otherwise, it WILL affect your daughter in a negative way. Newly-divorced parents think that they can keep their feelings to themselves, and that their children will not notice, but they are wrong.

If you can find a manageable way to refinance the property and pay off your in-laws, do so. BEFORE you withdraw the money from your 401K, be sure to (1) thoroughly check out tax/penalty information with IRS, and (2) work out a plan for repayment. If you cannot make payments on your CURRENT salary, do not borrow the money. Leaving a house voluntarily is a lot less traumatic than being forced out by foreclosure.

It will be much better for your daughter if you disengage yourself from all monetary obligations to your ex-in-laws. Bonne chance, et meilleurs vœux pour votre nouvelle vie.

[eavesdropper]

[quote=frenchlambda] Yes I feel emotionally attached to the property but the reason I want to keep it is really the practical aspect. I think that it would be extremely disruptive to my daughter if I move. After all, that’s her house too. If I move, I will end up renting an 2-bdr apartment in the same area that would cost me probably around $1,500 month, more than what the mortgage would cost me. The place is close to my work, it has good schools around and everything about it is convenient for me. [/quote]

I’m going to refrain from responding to the remainder of your email, but feel compelled to address the issue you raise above.

I do see your point about your daughter, but unpleasant relations with your in-laws and ex-wife over money will prove to be MUCH more disruptive to your daughter than any move could be. There is a lot going on in this situation, and I’m sure that everyone’s emotions are running high. It sounds as though you have many reasons to be upset and angry, but I’m strongly advising you to work on letting it go. Otherwise, it WILL affect your daughter in a negative way. Newly-divorced parents think that they can keep their feelings to themselves, and that their children will not notice, but they are wrong.

If you can find a manageable way to refinance the property and pay off your in-laws, do so. BEFORE you withdraw the money from your 401K, be sure to (1) thoroughly check out tax/penalty information with IRS, and (2) work out a plan for repayment. If you cannot make payments on your CURRENT salary, do not borrow the money. Leaving a house voluntarily is a lot less traumatic than being forced out by foreclosure.

It will be much better for your daughter if you disengage yourself from all monetary obligations to your ex-in-laws. Bonne chance, et meilleurs vœux pour votre nouvelle vie.

[Author]

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