San Diego Housing Bubble News and Analysis

i'd say it's more complex than that. obviously that summation is fairly inflammatory. on the other hand, i think men in our society have lost their way as men. This began to be very noticeable with men's movement type writing like Robert Bly--a need for men to notice their manliness, to be more authentically male. back in the day of course, men were men, it was unquestioned. nowadays, it seems, a whole industry has sprung up on teaching men to be men. perhaps it's a function of the quest for equality in the relationship, with men generally ending up on the losing side. perhaps the balance of negotiations, with divorce being the nuclear weapon of devastation, puts men in the position where, if they fear losing their family, believe appeasement and submission are better than financial and family devastation, with the wife always potentially being able to pull the trigger and win.

>I am not sure why men put up with this, but I guess the >bottom line is...

we don't.

That's why some men have a big commitment issue.

The title is unnecessarily vulgar for this forum.

I don't see this as much as you(the OP) apparently do. I think a lot of problems come from a lack of adaptation to changing roles/expectations and the demands on women and men that come with them.
The person suffering from the syndrome you describe probably doesn't know how to find a partner who can co-exist somewhere between the old style benefits and liabilities of being a Real Man and the new ways, which by necessity, need to be more egalitarian across a broader spectrum of behaviors than ever. Half of these people who are not keeping up are probably wife beaters and the other half fail by being dominated... or as FLU said, they are avoiding commitment.

I suggest reading the Hite Report(not agreeing with it completely of course) and some of Dr. Warren Farrell's books.

I can't say this is the fault of the females.
You get what you settle for, I guess.

[quote=Russell]The title is unnecessarily vulgar for this forum.

True, but I would be a liar if I said it didn't catch my attention.

On topic and in the spirit of this forum: I prefer renting over buying when it comes to marriage. People live to long and life is to short.

it's a national issue clearly in the national consciousness. The prior poster who says they don't really see this much? I call BS. my proof. Jon and Kate. have you noticed people from all walks of life can discuss their issues for a long, long time.

I don't think you are renting marriage, or even a complete woman , I think you are renting that which is described by the word that makes this thread so provocative for you. To each his own. I don't think it should be illegal. Anyway, I am not condemning people who want to stay single or uncommitted to marriage.In your case it seems highly recommendable.

I will never forget years ago I was getting on a plane in Miami and a gentleman sat next to me who was probably in his late 50's.

We started to chat about things and got on the subject of woman and he said this profound statement that has been with me ever since.....

"If it flies, floats, or fu@#$, RENT IT"

It is so so true. When a man gets married there is a leverage shift that takes place because the divorce laws are in her favor everytime.

I can tell you story after story after story of some of my freinds last year getting their asses handed to them in divorce and it about wiped them out mentally, physically, and financially.

Commitment is not defined by a stupid marriage document from the state, it is much more. I know guys that stay in marriages because they know they lost the leverage when they signed the documents and fell for the BS American dream machine....

Find someone you can get along with, share things in common, and have a relationship. If they want some stupid document and you want to lay your balls on the chopping block be my guest....

To each his own......with no judgment either way...

C'mon scaredycat, you can call me out by name,trust me. No problema. I admit I don't get out much. Don't even know who Jon and Kate are. I do see one severe case of verbally battered husband in my neighborhood and it really does stand out as and exception. What can I say, maybe it has to do with the company you keep?

I agree. Never marry an American-born woman.

Choose someone from Europe, Asia, Latin American or whatever. But generally, don't marry an American-born woman.

The imported products are generally better.

Let me think of other simple rules:

As to meet the mother. That's how the woman will look like in a decade or so.

Never date a woman who doesn't know how to properly hold a fork or knife.

Never date a woman who doesn't know how to properly set the table.

Never date a woman who laughs loudly.

Never date a woman who yells.

Never date a woman who wears sweats and muu muus.

As far as the pu--y goes, what's a guy gonna do?

If he lives in Temecula, everything is closed and dead at 8:00pm. Even during the day, there's not much. He's isolated in suburbia so there's no other choice but to tune her out.

Plus he spent all his money buying the house and the SUV. He doesn't want to lose it all. Or he could say: what's there to lose?

But if he lived in New York City, then he could just go out with his buddies and ignore her altogether.

LOL... I needed a good laugh today. Thank you!

I myself "have the p***y and I make all the rules".

Happy wife = Happy life

I please my hubby so I think it is okay. I make good money, cook, clean, cater to my man and our kids.

Women have come along way. Enjoy the p***y ;)

Wha? I dare say there are more domineering men out there than domineering women...maybe they just don't exist in your group of couples with submissive men.

Did you see the Colorado balloon incident last week? Who do you suppose wrangled the family into that unfortunate endeavor?

It is not the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. It is the hand that holds the check book. If you want power, do not turn your money over to your wife. Keep your own money, so you do not have to demean yourself by asking for your own hard-earned money.

Brian, not so sure about German women. They are not demure. If you need to dominate, then try a patriarchal country. You choose which one will work for you. As for the people who approve of liberal teaching, the result is young males are being feminized and medicated for being boys in the public schools.

This is a very well put post.

Chicks know that once they have the marriage papers signed they have ultimate power in the relationship, and a high percentage of them use it, whether anyone likes to admit it or not.

I have multiples of buddies (actually nine when I count) from both CO. and CA. that got absolutely SHAFTED by the state laws of divorce. Women know the laws are in their favor. It left such a bad taste in their mouths they always told me, "NEVER get married dude, just find a cool, independent chick that will hang with you without the "documents".

I took their advice and I am now 43 and never been married, never been taken to the cleaners (in any way whatsoever) and have a kick butt girlfriend whom also doesn't care about marriage (she's already been there).

Additionally, every married buddy of mine has said, sex pretty much becomes non-existent unless you're willing to try for another kid. This has not been my experience AT ALL having a girlfriend.

Agreed though, to each his own...

"I Have The Pu--y, I Make The Rules."

Yep, as I've learned so well, beggars can't be choosy : )

Did you see the Colorado balloon incident last week? Who do you suppose wrangled the family into that unfortunate endeavor?

Considering what we have seen about his personality and behavior on the other shows we saw (ie. Wife Swap), I would have to say him.

That said, I have seen both sides.. The male approach to dominating the relationship is by physical force. The female's approach is more subtle and varied. It tends to involve manipulation, subverting anything other than what she wants and by nagging the guy till he gives in just to get some peace. For all we know in the 'balloon boy's family, there is an ongoing power struggle with both sides applying their own coercive tactics, though I would have to say that he is a bit psycho.

In terms of the court system, there is definitely a bias that favors the women. Particularly with the use of alimony. The intent of alimony is to keep the now ex-wife in the style that she has become accustomed to. This is a throwback to the times when women weren't expected to work and weren't allowed any decent paying jobs. I have also heard of child support being twisted to augment alimony. $30,000/month per child? From the opposite side, if the man has custody, it is nearly impossible to enforce child support on the women. The state doesn't move, though the state will willing garnish a man's salary if the women has child support.

In all, it is hard to say which sex abuses the relationship more. I think the states should take a sex neutral position with respect to custody, and alimony should now be eliminated. Either sex basically has equal right to employment and lifestyle is a choice often enabled by ones own earning power and should not be 'guaranteed'.

Just got back from Minnesota for a family trip. Spent some times with my cousins, one inparticular stands out in the regard of this thread.

I am related to the wife. Every Sat she writes a "hunny-do" list, and it is to be done in the order that she wrote it. He is expected to get everything done on the list.

I gagged, as if this grown man (whom I only met once at the wedding) cant plan his own Sat. I said that list would be ripped right infront of her face if my GF tried to do that to me. The response back was "well then he wont be let back in the house". My response was 'great, then I wont be paying the morgage either'. The end of that line of thought is obvious. Needless to say non of the women (all of whom I am related to) were happy with me.

I then added "or Id just start writing my own 'Hunny-do' lists, to be completed in order." All my cousins agreed 'that is fair', but then added 'dont tell him that!' with a smile.

I bring this up cause it speaks to the two problems that cause threads like this to be discussed on a housing blog (huh???)

1) Be careful who you choose. I could never have a relationship with someone like my cousin, no matter how hot she is. It is little different than the repeated complaint that 'my wife wants a house, NOW!'. (gotta tie this into housing somehow) If you dont like to bend over, dont be with someone who likes to push.

2) Fair is fair. Men often resort to the wrong tactic, physical, when dealing with women. Play the game. If she writes lists, write your own, If she naggs, nag back. If she makes a request/suggestion/demand, make your own. And hold her feet to the fire, If she 'punishes' you for failing in your tasks, repeat it back. People admit what is fair, they just ask for more if they think they can get it.

I completely agree. Manage your own finances and give your wife an allowance if she does not work.

Again I agree.

I agree that liberal teachings can be bad.

They should teach science and evolution in schools. But a good Catholic style firm education (without Bible study) would do great good.

There is a cultural element to that.

Women as socialized to marry well. And they are socialized to manipulate to get their ways -- for example cry and wine rather than clearly express their needs.

Few men think of marriage as a way out of poverty or out of the house.

No matter how well-educated, women always want the prince charming to provide everything for them.

Unfortunately, that's now how equality works. Can't have your cake and eat it too.

Wait, was some chick actually wearing this t-shirt? Was she on Jerry Springer or did you see her at Wal-Mart? ;)

Whenever I see threads like this I'm so thankful for my husband and our marriage. So very, very thankful. I'll have to remind him of that later....

Look, I see effed up couples of various types all the time. The domineering wife is just one variation but there are plenty of others and many would make for other humorous t-shirts.

People don't change that much. If the wife is like this now after marriage, I'm 100% sure there were plenty of warning signs prior to getting married. Perhaps the men were blinded by the subject in the title and were willing to look past personality flaws to get it. If that's the case, too bad, you got yourself into this mess by your poor choice (see DWCAP's rule #1).

And gosh, I'm so thankful my husband wasn't so close minded as to judge me for what my mother looks like or the fact that I was born in America and, *gasp*, CA no less. I hear you can get a nice mail order bride from Russia if you can't land a decent American girl.

I have seen disrespect go both ways in marriage. People with low self esteem will put up with a lot of things. It is sad when any relationship turns into a power struggle.

I have to disagree with the comment that the divorce laws favor women. The laws favor the lower/non-earning spouse. I know more than one woman who has to pay alimony to her ex-husband.

In my household, I am the breadwinner. I also manage the finances. The idea that I would give my husband an allowance is a joke. How incredibly condescending would that be? I am his wife, not his mother. Any person, man or woman, who allows themselves to be financially controlled by their partner is being treated like a child.

Don't go Russian you can't trust those women, who knows what you are really getting into regarding family.

I was thinking Thai when its time for Bride 2.0, any horror stories there? For now I am happy with Bride 1.0 but the nagging and domineering took years to control. If there were a relapse, I could snap.

Also if the time comes "Bristol Chicken" I will stand up to you. Those who don't learn from history are condemned to repeat it.

I have to disagree with the comment that the divorce laws favor women. The laws favor the lower/non-earning spouse. I know more than one woman who has to pay alimony to her ex-husband.

Unfortunately it is true, though you could say it is not 'written law' but 'administered law'. Compare the amount of alimony paid by female spouse compared to amount of alimony paid by male spouse under the same wage situations (be careful of cross-correlation in statistics). Also look at child support enforcement separated by gender of the parent with custody. There is still a stigma on a male who depends upon a breadwinner wife and this makes its way into the courtroom. Whether this is fair or not is a separate issue.

I was thinking Thai when its time for Bride 2.0, any horror stories there? For now I am happy with Bride 1.0 but the nagging and domineering took years to control. If there were a relapse, I could snap.

Yes, there are horror stories with Thai women. Remember that they survive/prospered under a male dominated society. To do this, the learned to manipulate and marry for money. Its almost ingrained now. When I was in Thailand, there was a news story of a women who shot her husband when she thought he was cheating. Thai women tend to be a bit more volatile. In addition, the Thai women who are looking for foreign mates may be ex-prostitutes. Ex-prostitutes are not marriage material in their own country, so they look outside. There are exceptions though, as there are in all cases.

Best thing to do is look for a 'partner'. Having a wife that is 100% submissive is like having another child around that you really can't depend upon. It gets very tiring after a while. Look for someone you can talk with, sometimes loosing all sense of time. You also need to realize there are differences between people so don't look for a mirror image of yourself. Narcissism is not healthy.

And a clue to the men. It helps to have a good memory when there is an argument.. often women bring in the 'kitchen sink' and all past transgressions or perceived transgressions. If you keep a good memory of the past, this doesn't work. In addition, if a 'kitchen sink' is thrown in on the argument.. make sure the argument keeps relevant.

No horror stories with Thai brides. Just look at these cute girls:

Potential Thai brides

Ah you guys are so bad here... but I love it!

I've missed my Piggs since I've been busy w/ moving & renovating!

what is the "Pu--y"?
I looked up the dictionary for word match the pattern:
puberty pubescency pubiotomy publically publicity publicly
puckery puckishly pucksey puddingberry puddingy puddly puddy
pudency pudgily pudgy pudibundity pudicity pudsey pudsy puerilely
puerility puerpery puffery puffily puffingly puffy puggry puggy
pugilistically pugnaciously pugnacity puisny puissantly puky
pulchrify pulicosity pulingly pullery pulley pulmometry pulmonary
pulmonectomy pulmotracheary pulpally pulpectomy pulpify pulpily
pulpitically pulpitly pulpitolatry pulpitry pulpotomy pulpy
pulsatility pulsatively pulsatory pulselessly pulverulently pulvinately
puly pumpkinify pumpkinity punchily punchy punctiliosity
punctiliously punctuality punctually punditically punditry
pungency pungently pungey pungy punily punishability punishably
punitionally punitively punitory punkey punky punningly punnology
punny punty puny pupilability pupilarity pupilary pupillarity
pupillary pupillometry pupilloscopy puppetly puppetry puppify
puppily puppy purblindly purchasability purchasery purdy purely
purey purfly purgatively purgatory purgery purificatory purify
puristically puritanically purity purparty purplely purply
purportedly purportively purposedly purposefully purposelessly
purposely purposively purringly purry pursily pursley pursuantly
pursy purty purulency purulently purvey pushfully pushily
pushingly pushy pusillanimity pusillanimously pusley pussley
pussly pussy putationary putatively puthery putidly putrefy
putrescency putrescibility putridity putridly putrilaginously
putteringly putty puxy puy puzzledly puzzleheadedly puzzlingly

the command is "grep '^pu[a-Z]*y$' /usr/share/dict/words"

but I still don't know which one is it.

It's "Purply"; as in the one who has the Purply makes all the rules. It's a phrase coined by Prince in Purple Rain. He says it right before he b-slaps Appollonia and sings When Doves Cry because, just like his mother, she's never satisfied.