San Diego Housing Market News and Analysis

Flu, stop hanging out with Asian parents. Especially the high achieving ones :--

FLU: Get into coaching youth sports (esp. football and baseball) and you'll have the unfettered joy of dealing with these parents EVERY day and on the weekends! Wheeeee.

if it makes you feel any better, my kids are kind of lazy and nutty.

flu--next time you find yourself in a conversation like that, you could casually mention to these "tiger parents," that only time will tell how well their children will actually do in the "real world."

Controlled family and school environments lend themselves to great accomplishments. When you throw in the wild card of the real world, sadly, many kids crash and burn because their parents did not prepare them for any circumstances beyond their control.

Having raised kids in a very competitive environment in RSF, and seeing how our kids and their friends actually turned out, I can tell you the stats on success are underwhelming.

Thankfully, our kids have done well--I believe, because, although we encouraged and rewarded peak performance in all things, we also raised them with a huge dose of reality.

A large percentage of their friends are definitely not living the lives of their dreams, so if I were the tiger moms and dads--I'd probably wait awhile to pop the champagne cork--at the very least until their kids get "the job" and buy "the house," or whatever else defines success to them.

Well, so I was at the ice skating rink. And geesh, my kid's friend is like 6. Granted, she can skate really really well, the parent didn't want her kid to play with mine, because she wanted her to "train". Same kid is 6 and is doin like long division and binomial equations at school.. WTF is the point?

"Only time will tell." If you see her in ice skating competitions on TV, I guess her Mom's efforts will have paid off.

Everyone thinks their kids are going to be "stars" at something. Our kids were into school, golf, tennis, baseball, football, basketball, ice skating, horseback riding, music, etc., etc., and excelled in all--and this was long before the "tiger parent" revolution.

Eventually they had to decide what they wanted to do in real life--and that's when you know for sure if your parenting efforts have really paid off. They seemed to for our kids, because all are self-sufficient--in their desired professions.

Apart from all parental efforts, there are many "wild cards" in life, and from the real life examples I've seen, there appears to be about a 50/50 chance kids will achieve what they want to achieve and succeed in the "real world."

dont know. but i was reading this abajournal article about a 59 year old lawyer who committed suicide. he wastops in his field, us supreme ct litigation, but his career took a downward turn, not that bad, just slightlydown and he couldn't take it.

not sure what the point is, but, success, well, it's difficult to say....

Another example of how one of the "wild cards" of life can hit you at any age. Sorry to hear about that. Have heard many stories of people losing it all at 50+ and never recovering--but that's probably another thread.

With kids, just starting out, it really has to be a shocker if life doesn't work out the way Mom and Dad promised it would--hence my belief in letting them know about the "real world" and how it could effect them--long before it becomes an issue in their lives.

As an example, we have many friends who, as flu mentioned, bragged about their kids perfection each and everytime we saw them for years and years.

Now that the kids are finished with college, and it's time to face "real life," they don't even want to discuss them--because, apparently, things didn't work out, and there's nothing to brag about now. Sad.

I've seen the parents who won't let their kid play because they are busy training or studying non-stop (yes, mostly Chinese)...but binomial equations at age 6???? Wow.

It's really tough parenting in CV with the tiger parents. And it only gets worse and more cut-throat as the kids get older...and those parents will do ANYTHING to get their kids a leg up on the "competition". I've seen it all already, and my kid is just entering high school. Nasty. And what awful role models for their kids.

What were you thinking before you decide to buy your house there?

Look on the bright side, they keep the School API scores up so you can sell your house to yet another tiger-parent and they can continue the process.
It’s the New American way..
Helicopter parents and Tigers-parents.
In Sweden I hear they have camps to toughen their kids up (Fear they are getting too soft).
You drop your hot dog while cooking it over an open fire, you pick it up out of the dirt or go hungry.
When I talk to my Older colleagues (first gen emigrants from Asia), they tell me of sleeping several to a room to survive while working their way through college (don’t think it is the same today).

When I coached T-ball (5 and 6 year olds), I had parents coming up to me and asking how to prepare their kids for "The Show" (Major League Baseball). Kids in question didn't know how to tie their shoes yet and mom and dad were talking about pitching and hitting coaches, specialized gear, etc.

In Pop Warner, I see obsessive parents (and it's both parents, not just the dads), who are hiring QB coaches, at astronomical prices, for their 12yo sons, or sending their kids to NFL summer camps (another good way to separate yourself from your money), or engaging in good, old-fashioned treachery to advance their kid's fortunes over someone else's.

I'm all for sports to teach teamwork, build character and instill camaraderie, but, somewhere along the line, we lost the handle, societally-speaking. We are now encouraging yet another generation of coddled, entitled little idiots, who have no sense of others, let alone empathy for them, to go out into a world where it's all about them and their "accomplishments".

I personally believe that the conventional approach to success doesn't work as well anymore.

We live in globalized world. Why not spend money to send kids on travel/camp in Europe, China, Indonesia, or Latin America? Expose them to the world early.

Playing a musical instrument makes a person well rounded. Piano, guitar or violin.

Even learning a musical instrument is cut-throat these days. Whether your kid is first or second chair in the middle school orchestra--woe to the poor teacher who has to make that call. And you should have seen the brouhaha when a kid won a piano competition as a newcomer. There were accusations that the judges had been tampered with because his parent (me) left the room to go to the restroom while the decisions were being made!!! No kidding. Next competition, all parents were required to stay in the room while the judges deliberated--no bathroom breaks allowed. And this is middle school, for gods sake.

Lots of other stories where that one came from!

Maybe I can get my kid to get involved in scca and eventually formula 1. Not too much competition from her peers in that idea I would say.

That's why I have thus far resisted buying a piano or violin.

Maybe a sax or a set of drums. But hell no to the piano and violin...

you know there's got to be a better way than this ultra-competition way of thinking. It sucks.

I need to create/buy a franchise. It's the only way me thinks.

Brian: Definitely agree on the travel. We traveled a lot when I was a kid, including to Germany to visit relatives, which took us all over Europe (since everything is so close by car/rail.)

My dad would take a minimum of two weeks every summer, more generally a month, and we'd go. All over the US, Canada and Mexico, and all with the stated purpose of going "over the horizon", as my dad called it.

It makes a huge difference and Americans are far too insular. Lots of cool stuff to see out there and you don't get the "feel" of it from watching Travel Channel.

My daughter rides competitive hunter/jumper and it is insane, especially when it comes to judging shows and competitions. I have seen normal appearing women literally come unglued when their daughter didn't win and/or place appropriately in a show. You have moms obsessively checking their iPhones for point updates on-line and haranguing coaches, trainers and judges when they're unhappy with an outcome.

It's gotten more fun for my son and I to sit back and watch this nonsense taking place, than watching the show itself. It makes you shake your head in amazement at how much we've lost our collective minds over this shit.

personally, i come from a very traditional asian household where excellence not perfection was emphasized.

while i don't subscribe to the
comprehensive 'tiger' pedagogy - i don't fault parents for wanting the best for their children. who wouldn't right? and perhaps some of the tiger fundamentals work w/in reason.

however, just like anything else i choose to not contribute to these conversations where the parent is clearly going off the deep-end. believe me, i have friends/families that talk this talk and if they have to say it in a way that is off-putting then they will be in a prison their whole life.

the prison of being judged by whatever other people think of them. i find that the people who constantly compare will always be disappointed no matter what...not much room for happiness and it's too bad if they never realize this.

i always default to this "there is always a mountain taller than the other (Chinese idiom)"

there will always be someone prettier, richer, taller, smarter,faster than i so trying to outbeat that is a recipe for failure.

very wise words

Just goes to show that it really isn't an "Asian" problem...lots of Caucasian parents in the tiger parent mode, and lots of sane Asians like maverick and flu

Eh, you know you can teach your kids music without participating in competition?

We have a piano. It hasn't created any controversy. Sure we have to prod the kids to practice regularly, but we haven't been harassed by "tiger" people yet.

Yes, but it's more fun to stereotype.

I'm skeptical a true Tiger Mom would brag about their kids. A Tiger Mom hangs her head in shame when her son comes home with only an A- on his latest paper. A Tiger Dad frets when his daughter only gets a 2250 on her SAT.

Really interesting to hear what's going on out there at this point in time. The stories don't really surprise me, and I do feel sorry for the kids.

When I hear about "tiger parenting" or "entitlement parenting" I just hope these kids are also being made aware that their lives may not go as scripted, and are being taught how to cope with "real life." You can raise a child to perfection within a controlled environment, but that is not the real world.

Our kids had everything, but we made sure they also knew that even with all of their "entitlements" there would still be a day when they would become responsible for their own lives, and made them aware of the realities of coping with real-life situations. Perhaps that's one reason they've all done very well.

The most astounding thing to my wife and I, is the extremely high percentage of kids my kids knew, from many backgrounds--including those who were extremely entitled--who have not found their niche in life and cannot support themselves after college. At that point, their parents must REALLY be wondering what went wrong along the way.

I have to disagree with you here. It's not tough at all, unless you get caught up in it. Just don't. And make sure your kids know that they're only competing with themeselves. They don't have to be better than anyone else, they only have to be as good as they can be.

Both of my kids had friends that were regularly pissed off when someone else did something good. My kids were always happy for their friends when they did something good. A much healthier mindset.

And it all turned out good. They're both the best kids ever :)

From my humble observations in life,
Success comes mostly from having a good work ethic early in life.
Having health, looks with a little luck thrown in never hurts.
Things most people have at least a little control over like not being overweight, not being into drugs etc.. help a lot too.

I know a few individuals who never went to college and have done extremely well for themselves, I know college grads driving trucks for a living and a few on welfare. College is not the end all be all it is billed as well.